Post # 1
2 years ago I broke up w/the 1st guy that I ever loved. We weren’t compatible as we had different political and religious views (both things are very important to me). I was completely and utterly in love, felt like a total dream. He took me for granted, looked at other women (when we were out he told me he had never seen so many hot women in one place), brought me dead flowers on several ocassions and was never there for me when I needed him the most. I one time told him I was feeling taken for granted and he said I was just being a woman.
Though I have dated a couple guys after, none of them I qualify as my 2nd love, which my current bf is. This love feels different, like I guess more realistic. He doesn’t do anything that my ex did and esp love that he never makes comments about other women. Why does the love feel different?
Post # 2
Post # 3
So I had the same feeling with my current bf. My first was an emotional roller coaster constantly, with big rushes of emotion and huge swells of love that when things were bad, came crashing down.
My current bf, it’s steady and caring. I cry happy tears thinking about him, because it’s so different. With my ex, we would do things to spite each other, there is none of that. There are no huge rushes of emotion, just steady. I was very concerned, I am very guarded with my love and feelings and thought something was wrong. It feels realistic and right.
The love feels different because it is different.
Post # 4
It probably feels different because he’s not constantly ogling other women and blatantly showing you that he does not respect or prioritize you.
I felt the same way when I met my husband after a toxic relationship with someone who totally took me for granted. It was like night and day. With my ex, my relationship was a source of constant anxiety and distress…I felt like I had to have the strength of a warrior to get through each day. With my husband, my relationship is my rock. It’s the most stable, secure thing in my life. My marriage could not be a more different experience than my last relationship, and thank god for that!
Post # 5
tiffanybruiser : It feels super nice to have him looking only at me, he doesn’t even get excited when there are naked woman in the movie or tv show I’m watching. I absolutely love him and feel secure that he isn’t looking for someone else. My ex making those comments really hurt me. The relationship started intense and then fizzled.
Post # 6
Although this may not be the case for you, many times first “love” is actually infatuation. Infatuation seems to continue, especially when you feel insecure – you wonder how he feels, you wonder if he’ll call, you wonder if you’re the most attractive woman in the room for him, etc. But when you find actual love, there is none of that insecurity (often mistaken for “butterflies”) because you KNOW how he feels; you KNOW he will call; and you KNOW you are the one for him. So nothing feels like first love because first love is often an awful lot of passion, newness, insecurity and nervousness as opposed to real, stable, predictable, self-esteem boosting LOVE.
Post # 7
There’s generally social psychology research that suggests that people tend to be thrilled by the uncertainty when it comes to romance. It’s exciting to get a phone call for another date if you aren’t sure you’re going to get one. It’s less exciting when your husband of 10 years calls and asks what flavor yogurt you want from the grocery store.
People sort of I think mesh that excitement into their feelings for the person. The problem is as a relationship goes on, uncertainty over whether someone is going to do the caring thing starts to be a bad thing–like your first relarionship. Stable and loving relationships have an inherent level of certainty that takes away from the excitement people confuse as “passion”.
Not everyone does this, but I think a lot of people do, especially when they’re young.
Post # 8
echomomm : My 1st love was prob quite a bit of infatuation and the high of that feels amazing, when that “high” falls, its the biggest feeling of emotional loss. I am def not infatuated w/my current bf. Before I met him, I was def drawn in by guys who I didn’t know would call/text me (they usually didn’t), I didn’t know if they truly cared about me and these guys would always let me down. I stopped going for these and was able to cut out guys early in the dating game. One guy forgot to vid call me twice after saying he would and I never spoke to him again.