Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
I was married back when I was 20 and divorced soon after. My ex and I were best friends but even though we had pre-marital counseling and lived together first, it fell apart very quickly. Fast forward to now and I’m near 30 and in my pre-engagement stage (ring is picked out, Boyfriend or Best Friend is planning on proposal in near future). My Boyfriend or Best Friend was also divorced, so this will be his 2nd time around too.
I feel like 2nd marriages get a bad rep. People say that the divorce rate is higher going in for the 2nd time… that it should be less of a big deal than the first… even so much as to avoid doing cute “advice for the couple” things so that snarky people don’t say things like “don’t screw it up this time”.
I’m excited about my soon to be 2nd marriage, but am a little nervous about the wedding itself. Anybody have stories to share about their 2nd wedding situations?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
It’s not really about me– but my brother’s first marriage didn’t last very long. They were together for 10 years before they got married, and the marriage didn’t last 3.
But his 2nd go-around seems to be going really well, they’ve only been together for 2 years, but he’s happier than he’s been for years.
I look at the 2nd marriage comments the same way I look at the ones about getting married young, or being too old for a white dress, or the “rules” for etiquette, or any of the rest of that BS. They’re generalizations that apply to a small % ofpeople anyway.
If you’re happy, that’s all that matters– and congrats on the pending engagement!
Post # 4
@NovaGrey: I’m getting ready for my 2nd time around and I’m excited…. for a couple of really important reasons: I’m marrying the man of my dreams, 31 years after first dating him briefly, and because I put a lot of effort into figuring out what a healthy relationship should be like.
There are always people that behave badly and to them I say, “It’s okay, I’ve got this.” I know what is right for me, and that I’m with the person I’m supposed to be with. I’m willing to work on my relationship every day and although we’ve had to deal with some hurdles along the way, we both walk around with silly grins on our faces most of the time.
Go for it, and have a ball. ‘Second time around’ just means that you get to learn from past mistakes, and really isn’t that what life is all about?
Post # 5
My story is very similar to yours (married young, divorced soon after, just married for a 2nd time 3 weeks ago). Thankfully, our families were thrilled to see us both happy and loving life. There were a few people who make remarks about divorce and “how do you know it’s going to work this time?” but we either ignored them or spoke to them privately and asked them to be respectful of our choices and reminded them that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes, some people marry the wrong person the first time around.
Surround yourself with the people who love you and support you. That’s what we did and we absolutely loved our wedding and reception.
Also, don’t let anyone tell you that you should wear a simple, understated wedding dress because you’re an encore bride. That’s nonsense. Wear whatever you want to, whether that’s a classic sheath dress, a huge princess gown, or a short sundress. I wore a huge lace, tulle, ciffon ballgown to our intimate garden wedding.
Feel free to PM me if you have specific questions or reservations.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
I’m a bit untraditional (got stuck with a very traditional catholic ceremony last time around)… so I was going to wear this dress:
And this is the ring that was picked out:
Post # 7
Wow, I love the dress you’re thinking about! Had we gone with our original plan and eloped to Hawaii, I wold have worn a similar white/gold dress. Also, the ring you picked out is Stunning! I love the ornate swirls and details!
Post # 8
I was married beffore, but it was so uneventful (county clerk office and then went back to work), that I knew this time around I wanted a wedding. Low and behold it was ANOTHER elopement (can’t seem to get my family to come to me is the issue), yet it was a little more weddingy.
We dressed up. It was H’s first wedding. He wore a suit and silver tie. I wore a strapless lace Casablanca gown. we got a good photographer. We walked into the ceremony arm in arm.
I am 36 and he is 34.
I don’t actually konw if his parents know I was married before. I mean it’s not really dinner conversation and our families are two time zones apart and haven’t even met yet. There is no indication of my past life whatsoever. I didn’t even change my name that time.
This time around was sooooo different. I just knew better for one. No hesitations or qualms at all. It really was the first “wedding event” for me as you can see there wasn’t much of a wedding the first time.
Post # 9
@sienna76: Your photo is beautiful.
Post # 10
I was married for the first time at age 23. That marriage lasted nearly twenty years. Thirteen years after it ended, I remarried at the age of 56. I have to say that I didn’t hear a single negative comment about my second wedding, in spite of my age, previous marriage, and wearing of an ivory dress and blusher veil.