(Closed) 2nd marriages with Children.. are you hyphenating

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I also have a 7 year old from my first marriage and have struggled with the same thoughts as you are.  I have no immediate plans to change my name at all (still have the ex’s), but I think sometime later I MIGHT hyphenate it, maybe when I have children with my Fiance.  I know it does sound really wierd to some people but I don’t want to give it up completely- because my daughter does have the name, but also becuase that has been my name for over a decade.  It is a really hard decision to make- and one that not a lot of people understand.

Post # 4
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have a five-year-old.  When I remarried this spring, I couldn’t wait to change my name.  My ex was abusive and I HATED having his name. 

Yes, I don’t like not having the same name as my child, but he seems to be fine with it.  It’s a bit of an inconvenience at school, where I have to sign notes as Neva Newlast name, Child Oldlastname’s mother, but I can deal.  The school has no issue with it as it is VERY common.  Not only are there mothers who remarry and have different last names than their children, there are also mothers who don’t marry the father but the child has the father’s last name, as well as mother’s who are married to the child’s father, but kept their maiden names.  The schools take all this in stride.

Is your husband OK with his wife still keeping the name of a former spouse?  I know my husband was very NOT OK with that.  Fortunately, I wanted rid of that name as much as he did.

Post # 5
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m struggling with this one too! Here’s a synopsis of the very Jerry Springer situation: I had my DS when I was very young, did NOT marry his bio dad but gave him bio dad’s last name. Broke up with my son’s bio dad and moved to Chicago for work when my son was 2. Met my ex-husband, got married, yeah – life is good. Ex-husband wants to change son’s last name to his after we’re married as a prelude to adopting him. We legally change his last name after we’re married. Ex-husband stalls on adopting son and begins to use it as an emotional bargaining chip and other fun abusive stuff begins to occur. We divorce in April 2007. I kept my married name since it is also my son’s legal last name. I just got engaged again on August 14th. The very first thing my son asked me is if I’m changing me name when Fiance and I get married.

Do I want to change my current name when I marry my FI? Yes, very much! Do I want to alienate my son and have him feel like no one wants him? Of course not! I also worry that I’ll be hurting my Fiance by hyphenating his last name with my old married name. What I’d really like to do is change my son’s last name to my maiden name and hyphenate my soon to be new last name with my maiden name. However, I’ve talked with a psychologist about it and he didn’t think it was a very good idea. Too confusing apparently. Ugh! Thank goodness I still have a few years to figure this out!

Post # 6
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@FutureMrs.Harless: Why can’t your daughter change her name? Or more accurately, I guess, why can’t you change it for her? Does she need both parents’ permission?

Post # 7
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@espinaca: Many times it is one of the terms of custody to not change a child’s name.  Neither my ex nor I can legaly change my daughter’s name as per our divorce decree and custody arrangement.

Post # 8
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I will NOT be hypenating my last name. I have 2 girls 7yo & 13yo. I explained to them that since their Dad and I are no longer married, and I am marrying someone else, that’s whose name I take. Their Dad is also remarrying, so I also explained that she will have the same last name as them.

I worked in a Pediatricians office and saw many parents with different last names and hypenated names- It’s just so common today.

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