(Closed) 2nd Time Around Bride and I swear my family could care less

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Did you have a traditional wedding the first time around? If so, some people may feel that since you’ve already “been there” and “done that”, this wedding isn’t as important. I’m not saying that this is right or wrong but I know people who share this mentality.

You can’t force your family to be involved or excited so if they’re not, there’s not much that you can do about it. Just focus on your soon to be husband and the family that you’re going to create after you’re married and try not to worry about everyone else. 

Post # 4
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.  I am an Encore bride as well, and this is one reason why (for me) it was better to have a simple courthouse wedding.  However, I still have a lot of issues with family who don’t even want to acknowledge me getting married.

Hugs to you….I hope everything works out!

Post # 5
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry. That has to be so hurtful. I can’t believe your family is acting that way. I would write each a heartfelt letter telling them how I feel and that yoru first marriage does a mistake, but this one is legit and how happy you are and would like them to share that with you. At that point, I would also focus more on the relationships with your Fiance side since they seem to be more supportive.

Post # 6
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012 - Watch tower lodge, Black hawk state Park Rock Island, IL

i totally understand what your going through, i too am an encore bride and have felt this way and people i care about seem to not care . hugs to you

Post # 7
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Some of these issues are pretty easily explained, I think.  The RSVP deadline is pretty far out from your wedding date so people may be waiting until their plans are firmer to respond.  In hindsight, it probably was too much for your sister to throw and clean up her son’s birthday party and still attend your shower on the same day.  Your younger sister may just be busy with school or, just as likely, flighty (I remember how busy and important I thought I was back then – I let some things slip through the cracks).

The rest of it just sounds like lack of enthusiasm.  Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about that.  Weddings are a big big big deal in our family so I’ve been lucky to have full enthusiasm even the second time around.  (Another factor is that my family loves my Fiance and hated my XH.)  But some families aren’t like that.  And even if they’re totally psyched and happy for you, they may not feel like they need to ask if you need help, so I wouldn’t take that as a referendum on your wedding.

I assume you do have some people that are excited for you?  Friends who attended your shower?  I would focus on their love and excitement rather than bogging yourself down worrying about the others.

Post # 8
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

As an encore bride also I seem to have had this discussion on here a few times now ๐Ÿ™  mainly because like yourself I experience this kind of attitude from family and friends also!

As UpstateCait  said , you cannot make others feel the same way about your wedding, be it a first or a 31st!! So I came to the conclusion that as much as it would be ‘nice’ to have others interested and in attendance the only people that really matter are the bride and groom!! I adopted this attitude and anyone else that does attend is a bonus ๐Ÿ™‚  and yes just because others are not interested does not mean that we are not having all the trimmings for the wedding!!!

Have the day YOU want as YOU will be the one that will remember it, not anyone else ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow you are writing my story!!  I am also a second time bride, my wedding was 5 years ago and yes it was a big wedding, 400 people etc.  but when my then husband up and left me and our 6 month old daughter I was devastated.  Now I have happily moved on, my daughter loves my fiance and we can’t wait to start our own family.  For that to happen, we want to be married first.  His family is so happy and over the moon excited for us.  My future Mother-In-Law calls me daily asking of what she can help with etc.  My own mother barely speaks of the wedding unless I bring it up first.  I can’t tell you how many times they have said “can’t you just move the wedding up here” (we are having a destination wedding in GA).  It seems its all negative and harsh.  Other things said “i thought this was a simple wedding” or “why do you need all this stuff”  Meanwhile we are paying for everything so far other than his parents contributions.

Im sorry you are going through this, I wish they were more supportive for you!

Post # 10
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@UpstateCait:  +1

This is not a fun situation to be in, but try to make the best of it. Did they make a big fuss over your first wedding?

It’s your day and you deserve to have the wedding you want, but I can see how it might be odd for them to do it all over again.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m going to be getting married for the FIRST time and my mom thinks marriage is stupid because of her divorce and issues w. my father.. my sister is in anti-marriage phase, his parents are old and live half way across the world and wouldn’t come for his second marriage (they did it all before)… so that and the fact that neither of us dreamed of a white wedding made us decide that eloping will be best for us. I am excited to do this, but part of me wishes my family gave a damn. I am not going to try to force it though, since I know they don’t think it’s a big deal. They’ve told me as much. At least I know that my guy and I will have a nice little wedding and we’ll be able to make the day as special as we want because it’s just the two of us.

Post # 11
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

So sorry your going through this. Im an Encore bride as well and my family was not even interested until I set a date. Then they started asking questions. MY future in laws on the other hand keep hoping I will drop dead before the wedding takes place.

Sometimes people feel like “she did it once and it was a big deal this one isnt a big deal.” I think its wrong though. My first wedding was 13 years ago and no one came because they didnt like my now ex husband. In hindsight I wish someone had showed up because I was in an abusive relationship and didnt want to get married and he forced me with threat of hurting our baby. I was pregnant at the time.

Now that the planning has started my family is more enthusiastic because they really like Fiance. If its any consolation the Bee’s here will be enthusiastic for you. I know its not much but we are all cheering for the brides here.

Post # 13
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Call his bluff. Tell him well Im sorry you feel that way and we will certainly miss you. Also when is the reception? Is it late in the evening?  If you are having a no kid reception that is your choice and Im all for it if its what you want.

Sounds like they are all being irrational. Is your family bat shit crazy like mine is?

Starting to sound like they are.

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

๐Ÿ™ Sorry to hear that, I’m getting some of that from my family as well.

Call your dad’s bluff.  He’s not going to his own daughter’s wedding because his grandson isn’t invited?  Really?  I can’t imagine doing that.  I certainly can’t imagine doing that and hoping to be able to convince my slighted daughter that the other daughter isn’t my favorite.

If my dad didn’t come to my wedding over a stupid thing like that, I’d honestly cut ties with him and consider it his loss, until he came to me with an apology.  That’s so manipulative and controlling.

One question; does your family not like your FI?  Maybe this isn’t about it being a second wedding and it’s more that they don’t like him or think it won’t last because he’s wrong for you. 

The topic ‘2nd Time Around Bride and I swear my family could care less’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors