Post # 1
I was married in 1996 and divorced 5 years later. My first husband was like a brother to me – we were never much more (but he was the first halfway normal guy I dated and I married him for all the wrong reasons). I was 25 years old.
I divorced in 2001 and was alone for many years, trying to figure my life out, trying to raise our two children. I had previously known my current fiance and our paths crossed once again in 2008 and we have been together ever since. He proposed this past October with the most gorgeous engagement ring.
Originally I didn’t think I wanted a wedding band, but the more I think about it, the more I would like something. For my first wedding, we used my Grandma’s wedding band along with the Engagement Ring that my ex gave me. The ring holds very special meaning to me as it was pretty much the only thing I received after my Grandmother passed away. It’s very simple, just a thin gold intricate band (that is actually very worn because she never took it off) and the top has some little silver detail work to it (no diamonds). I think it would be gorgeous with my current engagement ring but … I used her ring for my first wedding.
I’m not superstitious and I don’t hold any special meaning toward the ring as it relates to my first marriage or my ex-husband. It does, however, have very special meaning to me as it relates to my Grandmother and the marriage she had with my Grandfather. I haven’t said anything to my fiance yet – I just want to get a feel for others’ responses.
Do you immediately think – no freakin’ way! Or do you see my side of it, as it pertains to the special meaning of that particular ring?
This is a picture of my current e-ring. The center stone is 1.13 carats and it has pave diamonds up both sides. The my Grandmother’s wedding band is very simple and very thin (I don’t have a photo of it). Honest thoughts?
I would also add that I’ve been divorced for 10 years and I don’t think anyone outside of my family would know or remember that it was the same wedding band.
Post # 3
i would switch her ring to your right hand. it just seems like really bad vibes to use the same wedding band from a failed marriage. what does your fi think?
Post # 4
My immediate thought was ‘no freakin’ way.’ lol, but after reading your post, I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I would just make sure you propose the idea to your Fiance in the same way that you wrote the post, and I’m sure he’ll be fine with it, too.
Post # 5
I would see how your Fiance felt about it first. Since it was your grandmothers band, i can see why you would still want to wear it, but it was your wedding band for a past marriage so i could also understand why your Fiance might feel uncomfortable with it. So talk to him. And if he doesnt like te idea, maybe you can wear the band on your other hand.
Post # 6
@kitzy: Was going to say the same thing. Wear it as a right hand ring and get a band that represents your marriage.
Post # 7
Although I can see what you’re saying, I still think “no freakin’ way”. I’d get a new wedding band for this marriage and then you can wear your grandmother’s ring as a right hand ring. I would never re-use a wedding band from a failed marriage – no matter what other significance it may hold.
Post # 8
Eh, I don’t see a biggie to it. I understand where the other bees are coming from, but for me, I understand and I would wear it. ONLY if my Fiance would be okay with it. (and knowing my Fiance, I would be wearing it on my right hand and NOT be using it as my wedding band). He would def not be okay with that.
But, talk to your Fiance first … that’s really the main thing. The wedding band is supposed to make up the both of you. Good luck!
Post # 9
i think its fine because it holds meaning to you – my sister recieved my grandmothers engagement ring when she passed, its a beautiful 1ct diamond. when my sister got married she had her then husband have it set in a setting of his choice – they divorced in 2005. She now has it enclosed in casing on a very thin necklace but has talked about getting it set into an e-ring with her current boyfriend (they just had a baby)
To me it signifies my grandmother more than her previous marriage – its her ring and no matter the person she is with it will always be hers.
Post # 10
i would say switch it to your right hand, since it holds special meaning for you as relates to your grandmother/ her marriage, and not necessarily for your upcoming marriage. that way, it is still a part of you/ your jewelry, but it doesn’t bring the past marriage into your new marriage.
Post # 11
I’m not sentimental about many things, so I say go for it! It’s just a ring, and clearly has more connection to your grandmother than your first marriage to you.
BUT (and it’s a big one) I think you’ll need to honor how your new husband feels about it. If he doesn’t care, great go for it. If he does move her ring over as a right hand ring, and get a new ring for the new marriage.
There’s is a third option (and it definitely depends on how sentimental YOU are about things) where you melt down the original and have it recast in a new ring. That way you get to keep the “metal” that forged that first marriage (your grandmother’s) but it’s a new ring to suit your husband.
Let us know how it works out!
Post # 12
Its completely up to your Fiance. After reading your explaination, I kinda get it but our thoughts really don’t have place when its all about your fiance.
Post # 13
I think I would just wear it on your right hand. I think you should have a new wedding band.
Post # 14
Talk to your Fiance and see what he says. I’d probably just wear it on my right hand.
Post # 15
Well, I talked to him and he actually said, “Wow, I think that’s really cool that you would want to do that.” He knows I have zero feelings for the ex and he and I are 100% committed to one another. His only concern is how it will look (as my ring is more modern…my Grandma’s is very antique and delicate). I’ll probably take it to my jeweler and see what he thinks (the bottom of the band is very worn – maybe they can add to it)?
Thanks for the input, ladies.
Post # 16
@kitzy: That’s what I was going to say. I would be really uncomfortable with that, and I don’t know any man that wouldn’t be, either.