(Closed) 3 days to decide what to do with last name after wedding…help!

posted 7 years ago in Traditions
Post # 17
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

The first time I got married I kept my maiden name on my passport, hypenated it on my drivers license and answered by either last name. It was a HUGE pain in the ass! I would forget which name I used where and people would get confused as to which name I wanted to use.

My advice is go with one name and keep it the same for everything. Doesn’t matter if it’s his name, your name or a hypenated name. Just keep it the same!

Post # 18
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have kept my birth surname my entire life–and I’m now on my second marriage, and have two grown children.  It really isn’t that complicated for you to have a different last name from your husband (and even from your children, if you have them and if they have his last name).  It’s a lot more complicated for you to have different last names at different stages of your life.  Personally, it often means you lose track of people if they don’t know you have gotten married or don’t know your husband’s name.  And professionally, it means you lose your “trademark.”

For those who asked why this has to be decided now, it’s a question of state law.  Some states require you to say on your marriage license application what name you will use after marriage.

Post # 19
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m going to take my FI’s name, but I’m going to keep my maiden name as my middle name (and drop the original middle name legally). It’s what my mom did, and she said it made her life so much easier having documentation of her maiden name when she was dealing with health-related stuff for my grandmother (proving she was her daughter, I guess?). Plus, I like my last name more than my middle name so this lets me keep it *and* take his last name, which I’ve always wanted to do 🙂

Post # 20
2285 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

In my state you have 2 years to change your name. I changed mine. It starts with your SSN then ID, then passport and credit cards and then documents. It is a hassle. If you plan to hypheniate then you’ll still need to change it.

Post # 21
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am a strong advocate of the formal, traditional route of dropping your given middle name — easy for you, since you said you do not currently have one, taking your maiden name as your new, legal middle name, and taking your DH’s last name.

I didn’t marry until I was 47 years old, and I had a 25-year career in my maiden name. I definitley did not want to lose it entirely, and I did not want to hyphenate. I also never considered not taking my DH’s name, because it was important to both of us for me to do that. (I know others have different views on this, however.)

This approach to changing a woman’s name after marriage enables her to take her husband’s last name, while allowing her also to maintain clear continuity of her identity professionally and personally and provides her with an obvious link to her family of origin. I found it extremely helpful at work to have my name go from (for example) Jane E. Smith to Jane Smith Doe.  Everyone easily recognized who I still was while also noting that I had married.

One additional benefit of this type of name change is that I was able to be a “Mrs.” Technically,  a woman who does not take her husband’s last name should not use the “Mrs.” honorific, since Mrs. means “wife of,” and she cannot be the wife of herself.  By becoming (again, as an example) Jane Smith Doe, I can use all three of my names when I want to, or only my first and new last names when I want to do so. I became known professionally as Ms. Jane Smith Doe and, in some social circles, as Mrs. John Doe or just Mrs. Doe.

I have been extremely happy with my choice!

Post # 22
358 posts
Helper bee

It may be a hassle now but i figure after we’re married for 25 years and have a house, cars and kids together it will feel super weird not to share the same last name as a family and having the hassle of explaining it to everyone 

Post # 23
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i’ve been married 3 times and have always kept my maiden name.

during my second marriage, i hyphenated my last name only socially.  i didn’t change any legal papers.  op, this sounds like what you want to do.

it wasn’t even discussed if i was changing my last name when i married my dh.  he didn’t expect it.

Post # 24
27 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Brielle:  This is my favorite way to go, I had always wanted to do this except my husband’s name and my last name sound SO UGLY together! Aaah, super disappointing.=( Luckily my middle name is also a lovely, family name that happens to sound great with everything, so I went with First Middle NewLast for my name change.

But I agree that this is the best choice (in my opinon).

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