- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
So I’ve been engaged for the last 6 months or so and sort of asked my BMs all willy nilly (I want to ask them very cutely & formally after this poll decides some things!) but because of a few circumstances, I have been trigger shy with placing the title of maid of honor on one girl.
Let me give some background:
Originally, I had the vision of only having 4 BMs including my blood sister & my 3 long standing close friends with ONE of those long standing close friends as Maid/Matron of Honor because we’d been friends the longest and she’s just very close to my heart. Lets call her Miranda.
This was all well and good until Miranda got engaged and chose another girl in our close group of 4 (we’ll call her Rylie) for HER maid of honor when I thought I was the clear choice… That really hurt my feelings and made me second guess my desire to have her as mine… ESPECIALLY because in the months since she’s been engaged it has ONLY been about Rylie & her and even though I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man they don’t invite or include me or the others for any of the wedding stuff and its starting to make me sick how much Miranda cares about what Rylie thinks in regards to her wedding, taking her preference on EVERYTHING relating to wedding theme and vision like its actually Miranda and Rylie’s wedding not Miranda and her fiance’s. I know I sound jealous and I can’t change anything about that but it still hurts to see and be purposely discluded from the wedding events like Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping, all the DIY projects that I’ve said over and over I’d love to help with, etc. etc. I’m trying to be supportive & not jealous but it continues to hurt.
AND my fiance and I were talking about getting married the year before and then got engaged a few months after Miranda but I wanted it to be a surprise announcement so I wasn’t telling anyone until I had a ring to make it official… Miranda actually TOLD ME she SNOOPED through my email on my phone and saw that I was looking at wedding stuff and venues for myself and was all MAD at me that I was researching having my wedding in the same year she’s getting married (Her wedding is June 2nd and I was looking at September dates – keep in mind we’re 24 and I’ve been in a transatlantic long distance relationship for 6 years and she’s been in her relationship for 4). Then she went to the other friends in our group and told them to like gain momentum against me… Rylie was on her side, our friend Linda was defending me & told Miranda she was way out of line!
Linda is my other close best friend. She and I have been close for about 8 years and have done a lot of traveling and other fun things just the two of us. Linda is beautiful and fun-loving on the outside but is secretly depressed, insecure and has often been moody / over sensitive with out bursts of instability and has sometimes been a little strangely competitive with me about guys or sports or friends or whatever… but I love her a lot and consider her one of my best friends! She has been hinting that she’d make a fantastic maid of honor and thinks she’s in line for it because out of our group of foursome, the usual pairs would be Miranda & Rylie and Linda & me – its just sort of how our personalities mesh best.
I would consider Linda for Maid/Matron of Honor moreso now that Miranda has been so insane and a complete bridezilla about me getting married (ie blowing up on me & not talking to me for 2 months because she was so mad that I’m now getting married in Sept and thought 3.5 months is too close to her wedding – she has since come to terms with it and we’re all good now but I was still shocked and hurt that she would act that way and made me NOT want to make her MOH). The problem with making Linda Maid/Matron of Honor is that she is in recovery for anorexia and is back in school with very high anxiety and very little ability to handle ANY stress. This anorexia has developed over the last 2 years and she is about 6 months into her “recovery process” that takes about 1-2 years and now she is easily overwhelmed by the simplest tasks like going out to lunch, taking a test, socializing, staying up past 10PM, traveling, and pretty much anything beyond the comforts of her own home. I think she would TRY to do her best but I feel like she’s too stressed already and would be completely overwhelmed with the tasks of Maid/Matron of Honor because she is consistantly overwhelmed with simple everyday tasks… I voiced this concern to her and of course she says she’d be fine but I’m not sure I believe her :[
Rylie and I are close friends and I love her but she can be a little vindictive and mean when she wants to be so that’s what makes me weary to put her in the running for maid of honor. We pretty much NEVER hang out without the other girls in our group and she’s always seemed to hold back when it comes to me and being BFFs just us two… so she’s out of the running for Maid/Matron of Honor (esp cuz she’s Maid/Matron of Honor in Miranda’s wedding) but will be a great Bridesmaid or Best Man.
My sister is 5 years younger than me so we’ve never been close and she is actually really rude to me & disrespects me a lot and blah blah blah so dispite pressure from my mom to make my sis Maid/Matron of Honor, I haven’t. Also she is 19 and will only be 20 by the wedding so I don’t really think she’s got enough life experience/organizational skill to be a Maid/Matron of Honor… PLUS she’s not even 21 so how would she go about planning the bachelorette party?! I just couldn’t trust those details to her so she’s out of the running but will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
My brother’s wife (SIL) has not always been a nice person to my brother or my neice from brother’s 1st marriage but my brother got her pregant 4 years ago so they got married and have been trying to work it out since but it was pretty rocky for a few years and I’m only including her because they are supposedly going to last forever because THEY are married and so if she’s going to be my sister, she should probably be in the wedding too… Also my fiance and my brother are really close so my brother is in the wedding and I wanted my newphew (her son) as ring bearer so I felt like I HAD TO include her or she’d throw a huge fit. My fiance actually really doesn’t like her but she’s my brother’s wife so I included her. She’s been a Bridesmaid or Best Man before so she’ll be fine – no way she’d be Maid/Matron of Honor.
My fiance’s sister has been a good friend when I am over in England with him AND she’s his family so I’m including her. She lives in England so she won’t be SUPER involved but she’ll make it an even 6 so that will be good… even though my Fiance has 4 groomsmen, I like even numbers so I’d rather have two over than just one over.
SOOO what do you guys think…
Should I make Miranda Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s my most trusted, longest standing friend even though she’s been shockingly petty and is super busy with her own wedding in June?
Should I make Linda Maid/Matron of Honor because we’ve never really had a big bad fight and really have a lot of fun most of the time even though she’s trying to recover from anorexia, has a lot of anxiety already in her everyday life, and is back in school with no job and very little money?
Should I make BOTH of them MOHs (Miranda would be Matron of Honor because she’ll already be married and Linda would be regular MOH) so they can share the planning & DIY duties and the speech (they both HATE public speaking but might thrive together) or does that dumb the position’s importance down and make the other girls feel bad? My friends pretty much know that I’m including my “sisters” just to include them so do you think if i make my two BFFs MOHs that Rylie will feel bad?
Should I just go without and continue to feel alone in this whole planning/design process? Once again, my Fiance is english and lives in England so he’s not even around to help or give much input besides the pictures I send him & etc so I really do feel kinda alone in the process AND I also feel like I can’t talk about my wedding until Miranda’s is over because it might take some shine away from her and that’s definitely NOT what I need… but planning my own bachelorette party and bridal shower and no speech from my girlfriend(s) at my reception kind of bums me out :[
I’m SO sorry this is SO long but I could really use some advice…
PLEASE HELP ME BEES! :S