Post # 1
Hi bees! DH and I are trying to decide if we should have another baby. Having 2 kids seems so much easier (3 bedroom house, small SUV, one parent per kid etc) but something in me just wants to throw caution to the wind and go for a third.
For those of you who have/had three babies close together, what were the biggest challenges? Was it harder to go from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3?
Post # 2
- Wedding: County courthouse
I had my kids in 2009 and 2011. It was very hard having a toddler and a newborn. But my toddler loved to help me with the baby and played alot and entertained her alot. Now my kids are 8 and 6. The fight alot, but will also be each other’s best friend. Our original plan was to wait until my oldest was 5 yrs old, but honestly I got baby fever hard core when my oldest was 2 yrs old. I am glad our kids are closer in age and the fact that I didn’t have to start all over again after 5+ years. I also had my kids pretty young, 22 aND 24. Now I’m 31 and I have quite independent kids. I didn’t want to be a first time mother in my 30s.
Post # 3
We had three children in exactly four years (our oldest and youngest share a birthday). It was definitely harder for me to go from one to two than to go from two to three. Additionally, it helped to know that it was all for the last time, and when the youngest was out of diapers, there would be no more, etc. The kids are all two years apart in school, which is perfect because they still remember the material and can help one another understand it. And while I know this doesn’t always happen, our kids get along very well and are very good friends. Plus, we’re really enjoying it now that they’re a little older because they’re all old enough to play certain games, and we don’t have to worry about something being okay for the oldest but questionable for the youngest. Of course there’s that period of time with toys when they’re little, but we didn’t want one ready to play chess or D&D while the other was still into CandyLand.
We knew that the two of the same sex would share a bedroom, so it was also better for us to have them closer in age. We didn’t want an older child not getting any sleep because of a baby. Fortunately, our older two are boys and the baby is a girl, so the littlest did not have to share a room with the oldest (not that it would have mattered for the first two years when the olther two were 2 and 4, so we would have had the infant in the nursery and then switched them when they were older).
Post # 4
My BFF has 3 under 5. She says the emotional/physical toll on her and her H was harder going from 1 to 2, but the financial hit of needing larger cars to get 3 carseats across and paying for daycare x 3 before the oldest was ready for kinder was extreme.
Post # 5
That makes sense and I think that’s how I would feel as well. Harder emotionally from 1 to 2 because when I’m breastfeeding my baby my daughter is alone. At least if we have a third the first two can entertain each other (and hopefully not kill each other lol)
Ahh that sounds so nice! It’s nice they can all play together and the bedroom sitch worked out. I have a girl and boy so I wouldn’t want them to share a room. But like you said, once you were done with diapers, they were done done done. I also want them to be only two years apart in school so that would mean 3 under 4 for a very small period of time (my oldest’s bday is Dec 31). Crazy that two of yours have the same bday. Thanks for the response!
Baby fever is no joke! Did you have baby fever after your second or you knew you were done? I struggle with not wanting my son to be the middle child but I just don’t feel done. Argh! I am a bit older mom (had first at 31, second at 33) so I want my third at 35 if we do take the plunge!
Post # 6
I have three and the oldest and youngest are almost exactly 4 years apart (their birthdays are 10 days apart). The decision to go for #3 is such a personal one but I will tell you in my experience having a third is not much more work than having 2. The hardest days by far were during my youngest’s first winter. Everyone was sick and absolutely miserable. My 2 year old kept bringing everything home from school and would pass it right on to the baby and I felt like the worst mother ever because I had to hold the baby so much and couldn’t comfort the older kids like they needed. So in cases lime that yes, be prepared for it to be HARD! Otherwise the extra work is just never ending dishes, laundry, and cleaning. And of course all the extra costs. We needed to upgrade our car, buy new car seats, and now that the youngest eats regular food our grocery bills are insane (but nothing compared to when they are all teens I’m sure!). Plus college savings, birthday and holiday gifts and parties and gifts for all their friends’ birthdays, plus sports and activities. Not to mention day care or private school if that is something you need. And luxuries like a babysitter or vacation become much more expensive too. So those are the negatives but I mean you know how amazing it is with your two kids, how much you love them and watching them grow and develop and the sibling love. You can’t put a price tag on that. I have never known anyone to regret having any of their children but I do know several that have regretted not having another. So my personal feeling is to do it if you can or think you may want to.
Post # 7
I have a friend who had her third a little over a year ago. We’ve been talking because I’m gearing up to start TTC #2. She said that when she went from 1 to 2 she felt like she was able to get a handle on things- they still went out to dinner as a family, still traveled- she still had it together. She said now she feels like things are just complete and utter chaos all the time. It’s a happy chaos and her oldest is really helpful with the younger one(s). But she said she’d be wary of trying to travel or do as much with three as she did with two- at least until they’re all much older.
My Mother-In-Law said to beware of having more children than adults in the house. She said it jokingly but it also sounded like a warning in a horror film.
My husband and I have both got twins on both sides of our families and I’ll be an older mother this time so I’m really hoping for only one baby, but I’m also mentally preparing for the other possibility- just so I’m not devastated if we ended up doubly blessed.
Post # 8
It really depends on your kids’ personality and how much help you have, but I’m in favor of waiting until your youngest is over two to TTC. We started TTC when my oldest was about 15 months, and a couple of months after I get pregnant, my sweet laid-back little kid turns into a mini monster. It was really no fun dealing with all the symptoms while battling him over every stupid thing, and not even having the ability to pick him up and carry him home if he’s really losing it. We waited waaaay longer to even think of having a third.
Granted, you do have to consider your age on the other hand… I’m also older, and pregnancy does seem to be harder on my body. Or maybe it’s the fact that I can’t lie down and rest without someone jumping up and down next to me…
Post # 9
I have a friend who is about to have baby 3 and she will have 3 under 2! (Babies 1 and 2 are twins)
she is very worried about how it will work and she is prepared to throw money at it in the form of a night nanny.
i only have 1 right now, but we’re ttc 2. I’m 99% sure I’ll be 2 and through
Post # 10
Good friends of DH and I decided to have a 3rd child a couple of years ago. It ended up being 3 kids under 5. They love their child of course, but they regret the decision. The financial, physical and emotional toll has been extreme for them. They also never go anywhere as family/babysitters are more difficult to enlist with 3. Don’t want to deter you if that’s what you want and have set your heart on of course, but this is one family’s experience.
Post # 11
Thank you! I’m looking for good and bad comments. We are lucky to have retired parents close by to help with the kids but I still struggle with missing out on time with my daughter so it’s definitey something to consider.
Yikes! Their saving grace is they had twins first. Having only one baby might feel easy at that point lol. I was convinced I was done at 2 as well while pregnant….
All good points! My oldest has been pretty much a dream child so when I got pregnant when she was a year, it didn’t hit us too hard other than the absolute exhaustion. And that she couldn’t entertain herself at that age.
Post # 12
Love your response! We sound very similar on my concerns that you have found a reality (not being able to care for the oldest two as I would like) because baby needs so much. The winter was horrendous for my little man as well…so many colds! But then your last point is why I want a third. The love is just something I can’t get enough of and watching my two together is the best.
Very true! I definitely won’t be able to do much by myself with 3 kids (and we travel a decent amount to see family) but one of the things I’ve enjoyed about having two is that my husband really had to step up and it made us more of a family unit. Good luck TTC! Hope you end up with just one but I know a few families with twins and they are wonderful 🙂
Post # 13
You’re a trooper. I had two only (2008 and 2009) and I can’t imagine having to have a third. I have always not wanted more kids than I have hands. Plus, they are soooo expensive. My kids are wonderful and well behaved kids but it’s still a lot of work (well, at least when they were under 5), now, not so much. I also stopped at 2 because I still wanted to have somewhat of a life still afterward. However, if I had the resources, it would make all the difference.
Post # 14
just wanted to mention a couple more things. Sorry if this is redundant! My kids are now 5, almost 4, and 18 months. The reason our first winter was so hard was not just because the extra baby but because he was born in fall, it was the first time my middle lo was in school so he picked up everything and he was still a baby himself, only 2. With a larger age gap, baby born in the spring, etc you wouldn’t necessarily have a repeat of our bad winter. And overall I don’t feel like our kids feel neglected. It can be so helpful having 2 kids to keep each other entertained while one needs some special attention. And as far as illnesses, 4/5 of us had the stomach bug this winter and it was not a big deal really, nothing compared to the baby days. The really difficult period is very short lived.
Also travel with 3 is really not bad, at least with 2 parents. We have flown and taken road trips with all 3. Our last flight had major issues and we ended up stranded in a city 12 hour drive from our house with no flights for several days and honestly it wasn’t a big deal! Flights and needing a bigger rental car are more expensive, of course, but otherwise not as difficult as you might imagine!
And I stay home so have to handle all 3 on my own all the time. It can be done! I am not super woman, I promise!
Ok I just wanted to get that out since it seems so many have a doomsday opinion of 3 kids haha.
Post # 15
That’s a close gap! If mine were any closer (21 months) I’d probably feel the same way!
I’d have to disagree…you ARE super woman to stay at home and weather all those illnesses! It’s great you can still travel and do road trips…sounds so fun to me!! A spring baby would be nice but it pushes #3 to more than 2 school years apart from #2 and that’s not ideal for me.