3 months after break up – is this normal?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
10541 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

This is totally normal, it will take a while to heal but it will happen.

Post # 3
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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strawberry86 :  It’s normal. I dated my ex for a couple of years and a few months after we broke up I saw on social media that he was dating someone and for some reason it really, really bothered me. And I didn’t even want to be with this guy, like wasn’t even sad about our break up- I moved back to my home state and was SOOO happy to not be with him anymore. But then I saw that, and it hurt me. 

Give it some more time and enjoy all of the new exciting things happening in your life!

Post # 4
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I agree! Totally natural! It will get better, just keep doing what you’re doing! 

Post # 5
Member
11252 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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strawberry86 :  

Totally normal, Bee. Healing doesn’t follow a straight line or respect our timetables.

Grief tends to come in waves and feels just awful before it rolls back out.  It will never be more than you can handle.

You may want to break off contact with the cousin’s wife for now.  She’s triggering for you. Keep up the excellent work doing No Contact!

 

Post # 6
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Dear, Bee- Breakups are extremely difficult, especially if you were not anticipating one or if you were the one who didn’t want to end the relationship. I think you’re doing everything you can to help you move through the grief/loss process and it’s absolutely normal for you to feel a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions where you feel better and worse at times.

Time is a relative thing and while three months may seem like a long time for some, it won’t for others. Personally, my last breakup (before meeting my now husband) was the worst in my life. I was in such hurt I really struggled in my day to day activities for a while. About 6 months later, I decided to start dating again. Initially, the goal on going out on dates was just to see if it’d help me determine the kind of guy I really needed. Fast forward five years, I’m now married to one of the guys I went out on dates with. I didn’t think I’d end up finding the one so soon, but life often times works out like that. 

Best of luck, Bee!

Post # 7
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

This is all normal, give yourself a huge pat on the back for doing so well. 

You are doing everything a healthy well equipped person would do which is AMAZING. Its okay to get sad but keep focusing on the positive and keep taking baby steps, you’re doing GREAT!

Post # 8
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Totally normal. You’re doing everything right. It will get better!

Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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strawberry86 :  So normal!  Keep in mind we are now creeping into a transitional time of year as well.  Seasonal-affective is real, and the holidays are an emotional time.  

Also, unless this cousin’s wife was a very close friend of yours, she needs to step back.  

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

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strawberry86 :  Yes – in fact he was the one I recently got engaged to! I was ready to give on dating and everything, I was DONE! These things comes along when you aren’t looking. Concentrate on you, you cannot be happy with someone else until you’re comfortable on your own!

Post # 12
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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strawberry86 :  “Has anyone gone on to meet a great new partner that was even better than the ex?”

I mean no disrespect by this, but of COURSE others have.  Very few people end up marrying the first person they ever dated!  My husband is BY FAR the best man I’ve ever met, let alone dated.  I’m so happy I didn’t end up with any of my ex’s otherwise I wouldn’t have met him.

Having setbacks is normal… especially when you hear their name after pushing it out of your mind for so long.  Little reminders can be brutal, but keep doing what you’re doing.  Are you dating at all?  

Post # 13
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

It’s so very normal. Three months isn’t very long at all, but even if it were 6 months, it is still very natural to feel waves of grief months, sometimes even years, after a relationship ends. It’s also different for every person and every relationship. Try not to hold yourself to a particular standard. It takes as long as it takes.

I second what other PPs have said about taking a step back from the friendship with the cousin. I’m sure she meant no harm, but other people don’t always realise how much their subtle enquiries can sting. If I am worried a friend or family member might mention an ex, I tell them specifically that I don’t want to talk about him, and ask if we can talk about other things.

As far as meeting guys who are better than your ex. YES. There is not a single ex whom I would go back to after enough time has passed. And there have been a few relationships where I thought the guy was fantastic, but after we broke up, I went on to meet men who were much better. Grief causes you to emphasize the person’s good points, but with enough perspective, you’ll see that breaking up was the right decision.

Post # 14
Member
39 posts
Newbee

It’s normal. Even if you definitely don’t want to get back together, it’s normal to feel a sense of anxiety that he may have found a relationship faster than you (which doesn’t prove anything, faster doesn’t mean better!) and also the fact that breakups essentially feel like giving up a part of your life/a part of you, so there’s this lost feeling.

I would embrace and acknowledge all these feelings even if they are negative instead of disregarding them because it’ll help you to get over them in the long run. 

Also I’m sure most of the bees here aren’t marrying their first love, so obviously lots of us have found the one after horrible breakups! 🙂 I have personally broken up with two long-term relationships (and a few other short ones) and every single one of them felt like the shittiest moment but feelings will definitely pass with time. 

Post # 15
Member
3007 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
strawberry86 :  It sounds like you’re doing what you should be doing to move on and lift your self esteem. With that being said, I think what you’re going through is completely normal. It’ll pass. I feel like hills and valleys are totally normal post break up. Then you’ll get to a point where you realized you haven’t even thought about the guy 🙂 

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