(Closed) 3 Months in and I already Made my Husband very upset :(

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever told a SO that they need to lose weight? And how did they react
    yes : (51 votes)
    16 %
    no : (135 votes)
    43 %
    i've hinted at it but dropped it several times : (41 votes)
    13 %
    They reacted Very badly : (11 votes)
    3 %
    They were understanding but a bit hurt : (23 votes)
    7 %
    They said okay and began a diet : (43 votes)
    14 %
    They gave me the silent treatment and we forgot about it : (2 votes)
    1 %
    it took him forever to get over it : (5 votes)
    2 %
    it ruined our relationship : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    Well, sort of. My SO and I both are big and I’ve been working on losing weight since before I met him. So yes, we have talked about it (because it affects our intimacy), but he’s really gung-ho about losing weight and was thrilled that I would make the effort with him and help him stay on track.

    I think the problem is probably that you admitted you aren’t as attracted to him anymore. Nobody, male or female, wants to hear that and I imagine it hurt and worried him a lot. The best way you can rectify this, I think, is to maybe write him a letter talking about all the things you love about him and that you’d like to be more active together maybe so you can both stay healthy and keep up your intimacy.

    It’s definitely something you can recover from, so don’t worry too much!

    Post # 5
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee

    This is hard one, I mean imagine if he said that he found you more attractive when you were ‘X amount lighter’ I would be crushed, it’s a blow to his already unsteady ego. I don’t think that you meant it to come out the way it did, but it didn’t come out right.

    But how do you feel about his weight? do you find him less attractive? is it impacting the way you feel about him sexually?  

    I think you need to just let him chill abit and then talk to him about it and appologise and make him see that you love him for who he is.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4325 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Ouch. I think what I would do is find some time for the two of you to sit together – not a meal! – and talk. Explain very simply that you do find him attractive and that he doesn’t need to lost weight for you.  Don’t gush or over compliment him – keep it sincere and true. Point out that sometimes we don’t entirely mean what we say when we are upset and that you were stressed out.

    Once this is resolved – it might take some time -if you do want him to lose weight, then do it together. I decided I needed to lose weight and asked Darling Husband for support – he said if it was important to me, he would help. So he’s tracking calories with me and we are both cooking healthy dinners (we alternate cooking based on the day of the week because of work schedules) – it’s resulted in both of us getting healthier instead of just me.

    I hope your blood work doesn’t turn up anything serious, by the way.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think all that man heard is that you don’t sleep with him because he gained weight.  Unfortuately, guys aren’t into the nitty gritty of things.  You need to separate those two issues PRONTO if your libido is down because of something other than that.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @FreckledFox:  Yikes.  Just saw your reply.

    It is pretty shallow, I am not gonna lie.  That’s your husband and a lot of us during our lives fluctuate in weight.  I was 20lbs heavier maybe 6 months ago, and my husband did not waiver in his belief in me.

    That’s not to say you’re not allowed to address it…but to correlate it to sex is absolutely heartbreaking for anyone.

    Post # 10
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee

    @FreckledFox:  It is a hard one hun, is he over weight? Is his weight affecting his health? have you both gained a few pounds could you suggest you loose it together?

    Post # 13
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @FreckledFox:  This might be personal… but are you feeling really bad about yourself & it’s translating over to him?  I don’t know, I think I’ve done this before so I don’t feel alone or so bad about myself, that you need to find someone in the same boat.  It’s human nature I suppose.

    I think all you can do is apologize, reassure him you love him no matter what, but you want to focus on both of your health.  There are other reasons why you are attracted to him — don’t forget that.  The body is gonna go one day, we’ll all look like Sharpei’s lol.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I agree that he’s probably hurt, but seriously if you can’t be honest in a marriage, then what’s the point? Yes, sometimes we aren’t AS attracted to our spouse at equal amounts at all times and that can really suck to hear. If I gained 50lbs, I wouldn’t expect my husband to be 100% exactly as turned on by me as he previously was. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him any more or that you’re shallow or a bad person at all. It means you’re freaking human! It’s not like you said “Hey fatass, I don’t want to see you naked any more.” :p 

    The topic ‘3 Months in and I already Made my Husband very upset :(’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors