It just sucks. I have a situation thats a bit like that but not drastic. FH has gained a fair bit of weight in a fairly sedentary way while I actually lost a little since we met and have been extremely vigilant about my weight.
I’m still extremely attracted to him and adore him and I’d love him if he were 500 pounds, but I’ve hinted at diet and exercise things every so often. He complains about feeling fat but thinks a gym membership is a waste of money and anything short of an expensive weight set (in our tiny apartment no less, that we’d have to move every time we move) isn’t worthwhile. He makes excuses for why he can’t just do pushups or go for a jog, which is free and better than nothing.
He doesn’t want to deprive himself of junk food because as we save every extra penny for the wedding, he says its one of the few pleasures he can still afford.
For me, the thing that bothers me is that I weigh myself every day. I make adjustments to my diet as necessary to make sure I never gain. I omit a lot of other spending I’d enjoy so that I can have enough to buy fruit (REALLY expensive in Korea) so I can satisfy a sweet craving in a healthy way. I apply makeup and take care of my skin and hair even though it means taking time away from stuff I want to do. I put time and effort and money (to the degree that I can without taking away from wedding savings) into my appearance, weight especially. I make it a priority because I love him and I want him to feel proud and happy with me I care quite a lot about what he thinks of me.
Frankly, if I was alone and happy that way, with no romantic or sexual urges whatsoever, I’d probably weigh half a ton.
For me, it’s not about how hot he is. I’m very nearly as hot for him as I was when he was in peak condition, just because I find him very attractive in general and he hasn’t gained THAT much that he’s significantly changed, with clothes on you can barely tell.
It’s just that for him to prioritize eating brownies and ice cream and sitting in front of the TV because it helps him “relax” and he just wants to relax every minute he’s not working makes me feel a little taken for granted when I am clearly abstaining, even though I’d enjoy it, so I can look good. He he could stand to be in better shape, but he’d have to get fatter than he is now for me to not be as attracted to him. However, I see my attention to my looks and weight as one of the ways I show love and respect for him, and when he doesn’t seem to care, it hurts me a little.
So there’s another perspective to consider.