3 months in.. could this be for real?

posted 2 weeks ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1976 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, it could be real, but I would definitely slow it down…

Post # 3
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

secondtimesacharm :  It could be? There are plenty of success stories were people beat the ‘odds’ when it comes to love and marriage. However, being on your second marriage…and then having a short courtship on top of that does not usually statistically bode well.

Post # 4
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee

For the sake of your children – please don’t rush in. 3 months is still early in the butterfly stage. Dont rush in for their sake. 

Post # 5
Member
7207 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Yes, you’re crazy.

Everyone thinks it’s the real deal, forever and ever, kind of relationship at 3 months in. You don’t know him at all and haven’t had any time to see any possible red flags.

Post # 6
Member
7566 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe, but what’s the rush? Just let the relationship develop and see where it goes.

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2019

secondtimesacharm :  do what you feel is right. No one can tell you what’s too fast in your relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

secondtimesacharm :  I felt that too in the first 3 months… with pretty mcuh every single relationship I’ve had.

It takes time to get to really know someone and determine if you’re compatible.  Take your time, enjoy the high, and get to know eachother.  If he’s the one, time will certainly tell.  Even then, nothing’s perfect, so expect it to get real at some point.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I think it just depends. There is no tried and true time table that tells you at what point the relationship will work. I’d say go with your gut. And if you waited until the end of the year? That seems like plenty of time to me, but what do I know? I knew my fiance for 10 months before we got engaged, so I’m sure I am biased haha.

 

I feel like if you know yourself well, you can get a good feeling about whether or not someone is going to be right for you after a good 6 months. 

 

Post # 11
Member
3800 posts
Honey bee

My FI and I were both pretty sure we were headed to marriage at 3 months and we still waited until we’d been together for two years before we got engaged–we are both divorced with children and it was more important to us to give everyone time to be comfortable with one another and to make certain we worked past the honeymoon stage because neither of us ever wanted to go through a divorce again.

Slow things down. If this is meant to be it will be–you have nothing to lose by taking your time but so much to lose if you commit too quickly. Anyone can maintain their best behavior for three months. Three years is harder.

Post # 12
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

secondtimesacharm :  

My FI and I got engaged at the 9 month mark but because we recognized that it was super fast, and neither of us are reckless people, we chose a longer 18 month engagement. Just in case.

We are also older ( in our 40’s ) and I kind of think at this stage there’s less room/ tolerance for bullshit. Not saying that those that are younger play games or haven’t “found” themselves..etc…but that at this stage of your life you are who you are, in my opinion, and also know what you do and don’t want. There’s no pretending or thinking that you can overlook a behaviour or change something about the other person over time. We realize that we’re not that talented lol. The result is that there’s no disappointment when something you don’t love doesn’t change because you wanted it to. Just a conscious daily decision to be true to and respectful to yourself and your partner and to accept that while there’s no such thing as perfect there is perfect for me. I’m not sure that I’m articulating this as well as I’d like without making it also sound defensive or as though I’m justifying my relationship but there it is and….as it turns out, we were right 😊

We’ve never been happier. What we knew after the first month has only grown and matured into an amazing thing. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and to see something that would allow me to say “aha!” There’s what’s wrong with him. The day never came. I cannot wait to marry this man in 36 days. Every day he shows me in some way that I’ve made the right decision, and every day I thank my lucky stars that he’s come into my life. Once you get over the “too good to be true” stage, you might just realize that it is simply that good and run with it. I truly hope you do. Good luck Bee!!😊

 

Post # 13
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I knew I was going to marry my husband after a month, and we started seriously discussing it after 3 months. I thought I was losing my mind because it normally takes me ages to fall in love and let guys in. But I think it’s always best to give yourself time. There’s absolutley no reason to rush.

My husband wanted to get engaged after 6 months but I told him he had to wait at least 1 – 2yrs to propose and I’m glad that he did. It makes you feel much more confident in the relationship and lets you explore the practicalities of how you work together as a life-team. 

Post # 14
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2021

FI and I got engaged at the 9 month mark. We’ve been together just over a year and been talking about marriage since almost day one. 
We’re both in our 20s (me, early. him, late). Love is a choice, and yes this could be for real 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you need to take it slow for your children’s sake.

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