You don’t sound like pill plugger. I really appreciate you writing out your journey a bit. I’m considering coupling the therapy with a prescription. And as you suggested, it may also be good to see a counselor or someone to specifically talk about my marriage.
Thanks for your prayers. And although I’d like to think there’s no shame I really feel that there is. Or at least, there’s embarassment. Dated the guy 5 years before getting married, then I marry him and seconds later I leave him? I’m sure everyone would be thinking, “why didn’t she see it before, why did she bother getting married then?” And as much as we want to think that we don’t care what people think, we do. I care that my family has gotten attached to him. I know that my happiness is most important to them but still, all that time and money lost for me not having better judgement sooner is embarrassing.
Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. I hope your situation improves and I’m sorry you’ve been feeling down. I am glad though that your husband is very much there for you, I’m sure that helps.
Yeah, you’re right. Mean people aren’t ALWAYS mean, just enough that it’s beyond the spectrum of “normal”. I don’t know if I thought he would change with the wedding but I thought it would change his mindset into “this is forever, act like it”. I guess that’s some sort of change.
10 year roller coaster does sound terrible, I’m sorry. I can really relate to the withdrawing. If he’s not verbally telling me he’s leaving he’s physically leaving. Leaving the house, shutting himself up in a room, putting on his earphones and blocking out the world [goal: block me out]. What was the breaking point for you to finally end the relationship?
That sounds really horrible. I guess because what my husband does isn’t as blantantly rude or what people would typically define as abusive (i.e. he doesn’t go around calling me an idiot, dumb, etc. and most people wouldn’t normally think breaking up with you is abusive) I’ve been able to mold him into an okay person in my head. He doesn’t regularly say I’m fat, he says I need help. He also doesn’t put me down in everything, when it comes to my career he’s a great motivator. But still, he generally has a short fuse and that’s not okay.
I think you’re right. As much as I have low self-esteem I do have enough left to know that I do deserve a good man. I’m very smart, funny, loving, kind and I’m attractive. I may have a few extra pounds and low self-esteem but I still think I’m loveable. i just wish the one that I love would love me back fully, unconditionally, without making me feel bad in any way.
Yeah, I really wish right now were pre-wedding not post. hah no the times things are great are not just when he’s getting laid. Although, if we’re great that obviously will happen. What I mean by “great” is that usually we’re lovey-dovey. Lots of kissing, holding, watching movies together, having excellent conversations (we’re a good match intellectually), etc. Anyone seeing us a lot of times would think it’s perfect. But clearly, it is not. I’m sure he has his complaints about me that are legitimate.
As cruel as his comment on the honeymoon was (and I cried gut wrenching tears then, I felt like I was going to die from the heartache/anger/disappointment) he may have been right. Close, but no cigar.
Thanks for the hugs. I’m going to have to think about all this deeply. I think if this has any shot of working he needs to see someone. I need to continue seeing someone and improve myself for myself and he needs to do the same. If being a jerk is innate and not a reaction to a psychological issue that can be resolved, you may be right, this may need to end.