(Closed) 3 months in, feels all wrong

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@ButterfingerBBs: In that case. I’m so sorry.

I would never in a million years have married a man like that.

You deserve honor, respect and to be treated like a princess every day. Otherwise, why not stay single? Or find the man who will treat you with honor and respect? I hope you can find peace in your marriage.

Post # 34
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ButterfingerBBs: I am so sorry that you are going through this and that you are feeling the way you do. I hope it gets better for you

 

Post # 37
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@ButterfingerBBs: Yes, I deleted that for the sake of privacy, but yes, that’s exactly what he said.

 

Post # 39
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You know…I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about the religious aspect of your marriage and I keep coming back to this: I don’t think this is what being sanctified by God is, and I don’t think this is what God meant when He created love.

Speaking in more practical terms, if you want an annulment you could probably get one. The Church doesn’t look too kindly on abuse. And this is what this is. It’s abuse. It’s not going to change (I know that you know this). When you did your Pre Cana, I assume you took the FOCCUS test. If so, were you able to note his behavior?

As for the marriage, one option would be to flat out tell your husband that you’re strongly considering a divorce due to his deplorable behavior and attitude towards you, and if he wants to save his marriage he’ll start going to counseling like, yesterday. If he refuses, you must cease considering and go through with it.

Post # 40
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Your husband is emotionally abusive.  I’m sorry, but it seems like HE is the one who needs to be in counseling.  What, did he expect marriage to be a constant bed of roses?  If he cannot deal with you and be supportive through better and WORSE, then you need to get out of the situation.  He doesn’t seem to understand you’ve got a diagnosed mental illness (depression) and that you need love and patience. I am sorry, but things are not going to get better.  Maybe they would if he went to a therapist, but who knows?  If you’re not happy, you’re not happy, and you need to do what it takes to make yourself happy.  I guess you just thought things would get better after marriage.  Nothing to be ashamed about, there, a lot of people have that same mentality.   Now you’re seeing that marriage didn’t change anything, expect possibly making things worse.

Post # 41
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know firsthand what it’s like to be around someone who is sometimes loving and caring, but at other times terribly mean and cruel.

There is no changing this kind of person. Please get out while you can.

You mentioned above that you worried that people would wonder why you didn’t see that before you married him when you were dating for five years. Well, first – who cares what others think? The people who love and care you will be so happy for you to leave that situation, and those who don’t, well it isn’t worth caring about what they think, anyway. And second – people with this kind of personality are often VERY good at hiding it, or making you think that their little “incidents” are your fault, or are a passing thing that they are “so sorry” for and “will never do again”. There is no shame in taking yourself out of this bad situation. But there is a lifetime of hurt waiting for you if you stay with someone like this.

Wishing you all the best, and hoping you find the strength to do what is best for you.

Post # 42
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Aw geez, I feel like you might be happier without him, but who’s for me to say/guess?  Is being with him making you the best version of yourself that you can be?  You sound like you have a grounded knowledge of what’s healthy vs. unhealthy for you.  I would practice envisioning myself as the person I want to be (i.e. confident, self-reliant, good to yourself) and also the person you already are (smart, beautiful etc.)  

Bottom line: you deserve to be happier, so let nothing stand in your way.

Post # 44
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just wanted to send you a hug.

Also, are you getting any kind of help for your recent diagnoses? You can’t put all of this on yourself and be left alone to deal with it. I feel so sad for you!

Maybe it would be better to take some time for yourself and separate from him for a while. He shouldn’t say those things and it does not sound like he is too supportive of what is going on with you right now.

Post # 45
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

as PPs have said, he won’t change but you certainly can.  it can either be embarrassing now or embarrassing in 10/20/40 years time when you leave him but you will eventually.

I have had two episodes of mental illness with depression and both times medication combined with counselling helped me.  sending you lots of care, please do look after yourself ((hugs))

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