(Closed) 3 months in, feels all wrong

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@ButterfingerBBs: I know, I’m cynical aren’t i?!  Partly this is based on what my mum told me – less than a month after she married my dad she knew she’d made a mistake but they stayed married for over 20 years and then one day my dad left my mum (although it’s strange she didn’t leave him in my opinion!).  so i think eventually either you or him will finish it because both of you aren’t happy and i don’t really see how you will become happy.  But like I said I’m cynical, probably exactly because of the family i grew up with!  i would love to be proven wrong!!  If you and he get the support that you need then anything is possible…and I do really believe that. But you both have to be willing to work really hard.

also, the first time i was really unwell mentally, i was with someone who was very unhelpful for me.  but as I got better then i was able to see more clearly through the fog, what to my friends had been very obvious for some time – that he wasn’t a very good person for me to be with. I don’t think he is a bad person inherently, but he was very difficult to be around for various reasons.  But it was really only when i put myself first, and my health first, and recovered that i was able to make good decisions for myself. i spent over two years making incredibly bad decisions because i just wasn’t able to cope with life very well!  

Now I am with an amazingly supportive person and the second time I became unwell he was a ROCK.  He put up with me through thick and thin and honestly, he deserves a sainthood.  So I recovered with him helping me along the way, the whole time.  Even though he saw me at my worst.  So if you are with a good man, then he will be there to support you and help you through this really difficult time. 

Post # 51
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@ButterfingerBBs: I’m so sorry that your update wasn’t good. BUT I think it’s good you guys talked and that you’re doing what’s best for you. Clearly, you deserve someone better!

Post # 52
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Lady, stay strong. You are doing what’s best for you. PPs have said it, and I’ll say it, too: guys like this DO NOT change. They build themselves up by tearing their partners down, and you do not need to be in such an unhappy, toxic marriage.

How did he respond when you told him you’d look into annulment/divorce? 

Post # 53
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@ButterfingerBBs: Im so sorry that this is happening. I wish there was some kind of way for you to be happy but it sounds like it is not in the cards for the 2 of you. I hope you find happiness in the near future.

Post # 55
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m sorry your update wasn’t good, but I am happy that you chose your happiness. It’s true that you can’t change a person, but that person should be willing to work on things that hurt you. I’m sure you know that the divorce will be hard, but you will get through it!! And you will feel relieved that you don’t have to always worry if today will be a good day or a bad day with your FH. If he flips that much, he is not worth it. Everyone has their days, but if it was constantly hurting you, then it needed to stop.

Good luck girl!

Post # 56
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@ButterfingerBBs:  I’ve read your thread and didn’t comment b/c all the ladies said it better.  I think you’re doing the right thing for you, you deserve so much more.  Definitely look into an annulment, if you’re Catholic, speak to your Parish priest.  Good luck!

Post # 57
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am so sorry to hear your update, but it sounds like you stuck by your convictions and did SO well in what must have been a terrible conversation. I can’t believe he would have the nerve to make a comment to you like the one he did – it was so condescending and myopic, considering he can’t be bothered at all with the stuff he needs to change. And to say that he can’t apologize to his wife because he does that too much at work? How selfish of you to even ask!

I agree with your previous post – we can’t make a definitive judgment call on the whole of your relationship  just based on what you tell us, but either way, you deserve better than what he is giving you right now, and I am so proud of you for standing firm on that conviction. Please know that you have done everything you could – you told him plain as day what you (very reasonably) needed from him, and he is dropping the ball.

Whatever happens, you will be in a better place for having handled it this way!

Post # 58
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry to hear that he’s not willing to give it a shot, but I’m glad you are showing tremendous strength by knowing you deserve better and don’t need to be put down. I hope that you are able to conquer depression and find someone who will love you and appreciate you exactly as you are. I will be praying for you!

Post # 60
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I kind of want to punch him in the dick after reading all the horrible things he’s said to you. Just sayin’. 

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