(Closed) 3 months in, feels all wrong

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 63
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@ButterfingerBBs: You are not a failure. From my limited experience with the tribunal, this is a very (church) annulment-worthy situation. I have known some priests to make a note in the couple’s file to document if they have concerns about validity during marriage prep. That makes the anullment easier later on.  They’re supposed to refuse to do the wedding if they feel one of the parties can’t contract a valid marriage but it’s very rare to have them address it because in this day and age most people will just find another priest (not you, just most people). If your husband revealed his attitude/behaviors in any way during your sessions your priest may not be surprised at all about this and he may be very prepared to help you.

Post # 64
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I sent you a PM and just wanted commend you for your strength and foresight. Now breathe. …Breathe again…… It will be FINE.Smile

Post # 65
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m so sorry it turned out that way.   Something you said struck a chord with me.   I remember being on antidepressants while I was in my old relationship I posted about in here.   Once I got control of my life, I my depression really lifted.  It was my living arrangement and the fact that my “partner” was hammering away at my self esteem.   You will still have really hard days, but I bet the fog will lift for you.

You sound so strong.   The career, weight and whatever side issue you have (or may not have) will get better too.  

Post # 67
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

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@ButterfingerBBs: I am SO glad that you prioritize yourself and your happiness over his. I hope you can recooperate from this situation quickly and without anymore heartbreak. I promise you are making the right decision and I know you don’t want to look back on this in 10 years and say, “why did I waste so many years with this man”. He loves himself and there’s no more room in his heart for someone as wonderul as you. I am proud of you and am 100% supportive of your decision to love and take care of yourself. You are a strong woman and I admire you.

ETA: Sorry you posted your update as I posted.

Whatever your decision, regardless I’m praying for you.

Post # 68
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you were a friend of mine, I’d say run. Now. NOBODY deserves that treatment, and definitely not from their spouse. I understand the embarrassment aspect of it, I do! I can imagine how embarrassed you would feel. BUT! The embarrassment will be so worth it in the long run. People make mistakes. But it’s not worth living with just to save face! Life is too short.

ETA: oops… just read both updates. I’m glad he’s going to counselling. I wish you luck. 

Post # 69
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh dear {{hugs}} I read your original post this morning and my heart has been aching for you all day. You don’t deserve to be treated the way you were. I’m so sorry this isn’t the outcome you were hoping for, but I do think you’re being incredibly strong by taking this step. I want to recommend the book “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” (some of the things your husband said sound like they could be direct quotes from that book) although I’d recommend it more for your emotional healing, and not so much as a way to “fix” your relationship. I know that none of us can truly know what is best for you, but in your heart of hearts you know what’s best for you, and you’ve said you already feel better by making this decision. You sound relieved too. I know the feeling. I’m keeping you in my thoughts, sweet girl {{hugs}}

Post # 71
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@ButterfingerBBs: As long as you are willing to walk if he doesn’t change this time, I don’t see a problem with trying one last thing.

I’m just far too used to seeing one of my friends get treated like this in her relationship.. And I suppose I’m talking to you like I’d talk to her. Seeing that you do have some self-love back gives me hope for your situation, whatever the outcome is.

I just don’t believe that someone so mean and arrogant can ever change, but I don’t have much faith in people. So, like I said, I wish you luck, and I’m glad you have regained control of your own life, regardless of what happens.

Post # 73
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

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@ButterfingerBBs: You have not disappointed me hun. I am just worried about your well-being. I hope that seeking counseling does help and you have the husband you deserve. But, in the worst circumstance, he doesn’t change his behavior, please go.

Post # 74
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think anyone can be disappointed in you for trying to work it out…it’s your marriage, and only you can decide what is best in the end. Please just keep remembering the things you posted here, and stay strong in your conviction that you deserve a supportive, loving partner. I really hope the counselling helps, and you both end up getting what you want. Either way, we’re here for you. Let us know if you need us!

Post # 76
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and for making sure your needs were met…I am SO very happy he is willing to at least give counseling a shot. If it doesn’t work out you will be able to leave knowing you did everything you could!

Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk. I’ve been through a similar situation although mine did end in divorce. 

I hope whatever is best for you is what happens!

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