- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Marriage? Totally. I LOVE my Fiance and cannot wait to marry him. Can’t think of ever wanting to be with anyone else, and the idea that I actually get to be his wife still gives me butterflies even after 5 years of knowing each other.
I am not at all excited about the wedding. I just want it to be over. I never wanted a big wedding with all the hullabaloo, and that’s exactly what we’re having due to a number of circumstances beyond our control (plus, Fiance really wanted one). As a bride, I feel totally lost and un-bridey. Nothing’s normal for us–we’ve got a bunch of very different cultures and families mixing, I’ve just moved to the UK (FI’s home country, where we’re getting married), where I don’t know what’s expected of me as a bride and people think my American traditions/ideas are odd, and I’ve got 25 friends and family members coming in who expect to be housed and babysat (some will be upset if I don’t spend time with them before the wedding, which is an expectation that really stresses me out). I’m also afraid my dress won’t fit/won’t be pretty, my hair will be awful (succumbed to the temptation of a pre-wedding wife chop and seriously regret it), the timing of the service and the day will be so much of a compromise that it won’t make sense to anyone, the decor/food/day will be mediocre, and I’ll have nothing pretty to wear on the honeymoon. I just want this day to be over so that I can be married to Fiance and settle down into a normal life.
Maybe this post will be unpopular–I know as brides, we’re supposed to enjoy this whole planning process–but I feel so overwhelmed with expectations and so angry with people who give me platitudes about how “it’s going to be beautiful, stop worrying” (How do THEY know it’s going to be beautiful??) or “It’s your wedding, you should do exactly what you want” (it’s NOT my wedding, because if it were, it would be free of YOUR expectations and you wouldn’t be complaining or giving ‘helpful suggestions’ or giving me a shifty-eyed, ‘hmm’ about everything that doesn’t reflect your idea of how weddings go…). Not trying to be a kill-joy here, just sick of the wedding platitudes and wishing it were all over. I’d rather not have a wedding at all than have a wedding that people look back on and say, “Boy, that sucked.”
Am I alone in this? Has anyone ever felt like this? Really wishing I could look forward to this day instead of seeing it as a nasty chore that has to be gotten through.