(Closed) 3 months to our wedding and I'm having proposal disappointment issues

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

“NOTE: I can live my life happy FOREVER with the ring and proposal that I got. I LOVE my Fiance and I cannot wait to be his wife. I just tend to be very up and down about things and would love some input!”

 Your words a month ago.

Post # 33
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MissMaya:  omg everyone is so freakin mean!

it has nothing to do with a ‘wedding industry proposal’ that u didn’t get but everything to do with the fact that unfortunately he doesn’t respect u or adore u like he should  & his actions have shown that over & over & now that u have invested 10 years into this & the wedding is planned & everyone’s expectations r weighing heavily on u r shoulders it’s  all becoming clear to u. 

 

Im going to against everyone else here & say seriously do not marry him he has strung u along for 10 years just to give u a cheap ring  & an insincere  proposal.  ur resentment will never go away & rightly so.

 

Please take some time for yourself & imagine feeling like this for the next say 5 years & if that is something u r willing to put up with. this is not ur dream wedding with ur dream proposal & ur dream wedding so u definately shouldn’t just be happy about it Like others r saying! 

Post # 34
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissMaya:  I’ve been there.  I get it.  The only thing to do is to let it go.

Honestly, some men just aren’t good at these things.  And while you’ve been waiting for this moment your whole life, he probably hadn’t ever thought about it much.  This proposal doesn’t define your relationship.

You know what will help?  After you get married no one will probably ever ask you the story of how you got engaged again (at least not with any frequency). 

In my family there are many lack luster proposals followed by strong marriages.

Post # 35
Member
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why don’t you just ask him for a redo? You’re going to marry this man. You should be able to say that you were hoping for more and you know you messed it up and that you would really appreciate it if he would do it over. 

But just know that no man made you wait 10 years. You waited. 

Post # 36
Hostess
9726 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

It sounds like after the fight he felt extreme pressure to not keep you waiting any longer, and proposed then and there because that’s what he thought you wanted! You made it perfectly clear you did not want to wait any longer. You can’t stomp your feet and cry and say you can’t wait any longer for a proposal and then be mad when he asks you to marry him!

When I was waiting, I was given the advice that, “This is the one thing he gets to be in charge of. You get to plan the wedding – let him have this.” I know how hard waiting can be – my FH and I were together 7 1/2 years before getting engaged. He had the ring in his dresser for 2 long months and I very impatiently waited…but I let him do it on his own terms. If you are angry, please do not direct this anger towards him. You said yourself he had something romantic planned – he is probably feeling guilty and angry that he couldn’t give you the dream proposal he envisioned either. If he was begging you for something, would you give in? Would you make him agonize for another month until your trip? How would you feel if you actually did wait an extra month and it on the cruise? Would it totally change your relationship? (The answer is that it shouldn’t).

You cannot change your proposal, it’s in the past and you have to move on. If you want romance in your life, then be romantic. If you want a memory of a perfect proposal, propose back to him. 

Post # 37
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissMaya:  My husband proposed in his underwear and I thought it was a joke! So definitely not the dream proposal, but I’m much more concerned about the man who proposed 🙂 You can’t change how it happened, so just focus on your wedding day.

The only thing you can do now is to let it go. Don’t tell him it wasn’t what you wanted, that would just be insulting. Sorry to be blunt, but I think there’s more important things to worry about 🙂

Post # 38
Member
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MissMaya:  you are going to get flammed for this post ..

You are upset that he didnt save for a decnt ring. ….its not abput the ring…some women dont even get a ring..maybe thats all he could afford at the moment…

The impoetant thing is that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you…thats the big picture.

Post # 39
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

@bride202:  Lord, you think this is mean? Seriously? You just told her to dump her fiance because he didn’t spend enough on her ring or give her the perfect proposal. THAT’s pretty harsh. Mature relationships involve give and take – not being adored or worshipped. No, I would never have waited 10 years, but that was her choice. But fighting with him until he finally proposed and now regretting it? Yeah, that was her doing.

Post # 40
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t see how “I love you and want to marry you” is an insincere proposal.

My husband didn’t even tell me he loved me. He pushed the ring across the table and said, “Will you marry me?” That was it.

I love my husband more than the breath in my lungs. Some people want a proposal story and not a fiancee. So, if this is seriously going to be a big deal to you, then break it off for his sake, or just be a big girl and get over it. Love is love, and an engagement is an engagement. If you want to marry him, I suggest just dealing with this issue and moving on.

Post # 41
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I hope you don’t let the fact that you don’t have an amazing story ruin your relationship. If you truly love him and want to marry him, that’s what counts.

I think women set themselves up for failure with their hopes for big extravagant proposals and rings. The darn internet and a few creative men have given many women high hopes. 

I don’t have an amazing story either…my fiancé and I have talked about getting married for a while and I had even shown him the ring I liked. one night I just kind of looked at him and said, “So, are we going to do this thing, or what?” Lol. I love him and cannot wait to marry him so that’s what I focus on….when people ask how he proposed I just laugh and tell them my story. 

Post # 42
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee

@MissMaya:  I think that “big proposal” stories are really over hyped. I agree with PP….All you can do is move forward. I think pressuring guys to be romantic ends up having the opposite effect. Their gestures don’t feel authentic when they are done under duress.

 If it makes you feel any better, I got my proposal over the phone.

Post # 43
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissMaya:  Thisi isn’t fair to him at all. You totally set him up in this situation to be wrong no matter what he did. If he hadn’t proposed at that moment, you would have been just as upset.

Post # 44
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissMaya:  So I see that a lot of Bees have offered some good perspectives. Have you thought about other ways to turn this situation around? How about you plan a wedding proposal to your Fiance that is intimate, emotional and that is well thought out. Take control of your situation. I think this would be wonderful and would help replace old memories (your in charge of your own happiness). The other Bee’s are right. True love will prevail if you are in love! 

Post # 45
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@futuremrsk18:  +1 I think this is a good idea! Sit down with him and explain how excited you are to be marrying him but also be honest that you wish your proposal hadn’t happened right after a fight. I wouldn’t mention anything about the ring or how long you waited, just that you wish the proposal had happened during a happy moment and not an angry/upset moment. Maybe you guys could plan a special weekend together and even though you’d know it was coming, I think you should give him a chance to make it up to you. I think in another 10 years you two will be laughing about how this all went down, and it will be a sweet story. If you don’t wanna try a do-over proposal, I think you gotta just look at it from the angle that he wanted to make you happy by proposing. He knew that’s what you wanted and even though he was tactless in pulling it off, he just wanted to put a smile on your face. Good luck!! Just be honest with him and try to make a new, happier moment together!

Post # 46
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bride202:  What a superficial, unhelpful and immature response! 

View original reply
@Moraz: Totally agree with you!

The topic ‘3 months to our wedding and I'm having proposal disappointment issues’ is closed to new replies.

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