(Closed) 3-step plan starting today, lol

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

good luck he he ask soon

Post # 4
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

here is a novel idea (that I am sure to get flamed for *covers head*)

why don’t you propose to him?

(This is what I had planned on doing, but FH beat me to the punch! the wiley man never let on that he had even thought about it at all!)

but in all seriousness, don’t mention the job opportunity to pressure or threaten him, just bring it up casually, as you are going to have to address it eventually anyway, and the sooner the better. The longer you wait to discuss your possible out of state move the more he may be inclined that you were keeping it from him, which could end in hurt feelings. if you really care about him, you will share you life plans & goals with him honestly and openly without reservation.

And I wouldn’t put off a career until October(especially not in THIS economy) for the sake of a possible proposal. if he is going to propose, he is going to propose…just in his own time. Don’t base your life on his schedule, don’t limit yourself because of the what ifs, do what is BEST for you, because everything costs money, even weddings. and who knows, maybe in his mind hes not proposing until dec. or jan. What then?

Post # 5
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am not sure how well this three step plan works for anyone…however, I do think it’s great for you or any woman to focus on her own interests and I think that might wake a guy up or at the very least have him missing you a ton while you’re off doing your own thing. I can understand if you have to make a career change and it could involve moving out of state that you want to ‘plan ahead’ in a sense. I am such a planner, I think I had my life mapped out since I was 12, haah but things change. Maybe in a month or two you could tell your SO that you are seriously considering taking the job out of state and just leave it at that. See what he says about it. I think if your relationship is ready for the next step and it’s been enough time for him then that might push him to ask you….if not, then that could also be a red flag that the two of you aren’t on the same page. However, I don’t know either of you so this could all depend on age, financial situation, how long you’ve been together, etc. Hope all works out and let us know how it’s going. Best of luck to you, I hope you get a proposal!:)

Post # 6
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

I think you sound smart…and patient!  I was antsy 1 month after the talk.

I can see how the plan works.  Men understand distance and actions better than words.  Make hime miss you.  He’ll think about you more while you are away….keep us posted for sure!

Post # 8
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I think do the 3 step plan, and make sure to keep yourself happy!  And go ahead and apply for those jobs if that’s the best thing for you. Do what’s best for you and see how he handles his side of the relationship.

I’m in a similar boat, changes are coming and I have to think long-term.  I’m not going to make permanent decisions based on a potentially “temporary” relationship though.  Until he’s made the decision and you’ve accepted, you are still single.  In times of career change and economic chaos, you’ve gotta think of what’s best for you.

just my 2 cents 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

He’s being supportive, what a sweet guy. Stay on your path. The plan is helpful to help you take care of you.

Post # 11
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Just stick with it… Im telling you, you WANT a guy who is supportive

Post # 12
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Yes! He is being supportive.  I agree with the other Bees, keep working the plan. He needs some space to feel (or not) that he misses you.  This may not happen immediately.  Maybe take an out of town trip with the girls, or with family.

If as you say a year is “too far away” for you then you must consider carefully how you feel and how long you can wait without feeling resentful.  If you need to make a career move in October than you need to have your decisions lined by probably by August/September. 

It sounds like you may already be starting to have doubts.  In which case, I think it’s OK to talk to him and let him know that you’re not sure you want the same things. You’re happy with him but you want more from a relationship and this doesn’t seem to be progressing.  You thought you were a match but if he doesn’t feel that way maybe it’s not meant to be, right? Stay calm. Don’t say the word ‘marriage’. Keep going to the gym and keep yourself busy and happy, keep working the plan.  Don’t avoid him on purpose, just make “your stuff” the top priority.  You can even share with him that you have some big decisions coming up and while you’d like him to be part of it, if you’re not moving forward, you don’t want him to feel any pressure to be a part of something he doesn’t feel ready for. Then trust him to make the right decision.  And keep working the plan. He’ll either seek you out then or he won’t, right?

 

 

Post # 14
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Keep up the Plan! We’re here for you. 

Post # 15
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am trying ot do the plan myself. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

How is your plan going?!

Mine is off to a rough start. Boyfriend has been working reeeeally long days because his boss is in town. I really took the initiative to get out and do all this stuff since he hasn’t been getting home until late at night, so instead of lying around the house all day waiting for him to get home, the past two days I’ve gone out to the spa, manis/pedis, shopping for stuff, etc.

Last night he got home late and he didn’t even notice/care about my stories that I had been so busy all day. Then, when he was tired & wanted to sleep and I wanted to talk he had the nerve to say “did you nap all day? you have so much energy now” I was LIVID, because I put so much effort into being ot of the house all day doing stuff and he asked if I napped all day? I got mad and he didn’t get why I got mad and we had a mini fight.

Then this morning he made a joke about me not taking a shower in 3 days. It was a joke, but I got mad again because I’ve been doing everything to make myself look extra hot and taking extra care of myself, and he jokes about me not taking a shower!? So i got super pissed off again, and we fought.

I think I’m EXTRA sensitive to everything right now and the plan is backfiring because he made a comment this morning about how even though we only see each other 2 days a week all we do is fight. Ugh!

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