(Closed) 3 weeks in, already told to shut up about the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like he might have gotten a lot of heat from his girlfriend about when he’s proposing to her, and he’s trying to use your Fiance as a scapegoat. Can you talk to your Fiance about what your best friend said to you? It will clear the air and you’ll hear it first hand from him if he’s feeling overwhelmed, rather than hearing it second hand from your best friend. Keep an open line of communication with your Fiance and find out from him if he mentioned anything.

Congratulations by the way, and anytime you need to talk about weddings, feel free to talk to us!

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i found it helpful to not talk about it unless i was asked to. some people will love talking about it, and some won’t want to hear anything. i have a few friends who never asked me about it or how the planning was going (which pissed me off), but i never told them a thing because of it. i think boys especially don’t want to hear about the wedding, but hopefully you have someone in your life that does so you have people to talk to. and there’s always wedding bee! why don’t you talk to your fi so you know if that’s really how he feels?

Post # 5
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think he is feeling the heat from his gf. He was at dinner with two engaged couples and his mom had already been asking him when he was going to propose. Just to think about the situation that they are in, signals to me that him and his girl friend may have had a little “discussion” after dinner.

I wouldn’t take it too personal. I would just ask your FH if he is feeling burnt out and tell him what your friend said. Did you ask your friend where he got that impression from?

Post # 6
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Forst congratualtions on your engagement, I just got engaged a week ago and am on cloud 9 so I can relate to how deflated you are feeling. I second what 2 peas said, check in with your Fiance to see if he indicated anything of th ekind, and if he didn’t don’t worry about it. You have every right to enjoy this amazing time, and of course th ebest thing about the bee is that there is no such thing as too much wedding talk!

Post # 7
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you came on a little strong about him proposing to his Girlfriend and this is a just some payback. I’d ask your Fiance if he’s feeling overwhelmed but I wouldn’t mention his friend unless he repeatedly talks to you this way.

Post # 9
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with Artbee. I would ask Fiance if he really is feeling burned out by everything. But I think your friend was a little out of line. However, the thing that bothered me most when my sister was engaged and the thing I try to do is talking about my wedding at someone else’s special event (wedding, bridal shower, baby shower, etc.). My sister did this often and I found it very rude. If someone asks you about it, that’s one thing. Not to say this is what your doing, especially since you’ve only been engaged 3 weeks, but maybe that’s partially how he saw it?

Post # 10
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Artbee has some good general advice, try to be aware of how much you talk about the wedding. I think this incident between you and your friend will resolve itself and you two will be fine. But, I have found that too much wedding talk makes certain people really really annoyed. This is especially true about my single gals! And you always have the wedding bees!

Post # 11
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Few things… If you talked to your Fiance about it and he says he’s cool… then ignore whatever bf said about Fiance. 

As for bf.. he’s a guy. Ignore him and don’t talk to him about the wedding anymore. One of my best friends is a guy and about a month after I got engaged we were talking and he was talking about sports or something and I was like OMG no more football and he says “Okay I won’t talk about football if you won’t talk about the wedding.” Ouch. And I had felt that I was trying really hard to NOT talk much about it. 

Thats when I made a decision. Except for with my mom, Fiance, and Maid/Matron of Honor… I would not mention the wedding unless I was asked with anyone. Sucks… but better than feeling like people are rolling their eyes at you.

Post # 12
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree on the heat from Girlfriend… especially if you didnt talk that much, but that comment about when they are getting married came in, it thought about that… especially if she is anxiously waiting for a proposal or something, and then you mentioned it, he may have gotten some heat on that one for sure!! Try not to let it bother you too much… just focus on the happiness you ave around you right now 🙂

Post # 13
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Sorry this happened. But try not to let it get you too down. You have every right to be excited about your wedding (congratulations, by the way!). Maybe just pay attention to how people react when you talk about the wedding. Unfortunately, some people don’t appreciate everything you’re going through right now, but don’t worry….plenty of people (including all of us here!) will be THRILLED to talk wedding with you!

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

First of all, congrats!! You remind me of myself a lot, I joined WB last spring after being deflated by my family and was planning a June wedding in my hometown from far away!

Second, I agree with 2Peas and Artbee. First of all, try not to talk about your wedding unless you are asked about it. HOnestly I’ve been shocked at how few people care or even ask me about the wedding. Usually it’s general acquaintences who are makign small talk who ask, most other people including my BM’s NEVER ask! I’ve tried to bring it up and eyes immediately glaze over and the subject is changed. I don’t take it personally though, I understand it’s only interesting to me.

I also agree with 2peas point about your Boyfriend or Best Friend using you as a scapegoat since he’s probably getting a lot of pressure from his Girlfriend to propose. I don’t even want to say you shouldn’t have brought it up to him, he’s your friend and I think as long as you are donig it b/c you care and not just to find out the gossip, you shouldn’t have to act like you’re in a landmine. I saw that you did confirm with your Fiance that he is not overwhelmed so it’s just obvious your Boyfriend or Best Friend is sensitive about his own situation and lashing out. That is very upsetting that he decided to deflate you during such a happy and exciting time, hopefully he will come around.

So sorry you had to deal with that and I vote for you going back up to cloud 9 and enjoying this happy time!!!

Post # 15
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

very tought situation. when everyone asks you, and of course you want to tell! who wouldn’t, your getting married! i think i may have overwhelmed my fh also. it was go go go go! around the holidays i stopped, from thanksgiving til march, i didn’t even mention our wedding. it really helped because who want’t to talk about a wedding for a whole year?! so don’t be afraid to get the big stuff knocked out, and take a few months off from wedding planning

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