Post # 1
My high school friend just notified me via text of her wedding in 3 weeks. It sounds like she wanted a specific venue and they had a cancellation so she took it. She said several times that she “really wants me there”. However, it’s 3 weeks notice at the busiest time of year. I have several other events that weekend. While I could probably find a way to get out of them and none are quite the level of social importance as a wedding, they are things that are important to me and only giving 3 weeks notice makes me feel like the attendance of friends and family isn’t her first priority. It seems like the venue was. It’s also essentially a destination wedding, because it’s a 3 hour drive from our hometown (and the airport I have to fly into).
Am I justified in letting her know that it just wasn’t enough notice for me to be able to make it work?
Post # 2
kgibbler: 3 weeks’ notice isn’t too bad… if no travel was involved. For any other party, give me 3 weeks’ notice and I’ll be there, so why not for a wedding.
But when you need to travel, 3 weeks’ notice is very short and no one could fault you for not being able to make it. I’d also be reluctant to buy a plane ticket on the basis of a single text. Is she going to do proper invitations? Even an email would be ok, but just a text… it doesn’t sound very organised and I’d be scared she’ll cancel a week later.
That said, if she was a good friend, I was sure it was happening, and money wasn’t a problem, I’d probably find a way – but it’s fine if you can’t.
Post # 3
kgibbler: Yes of course. If someone gives guests 3 weeks notice for anything they have to travel 3 hours each way too they have to expect that many won’t be able to make it. If it were a *really* good friend and I could get out of the other stuff without hurting others feelings then I’d try and make it, if not then I’d have to decline.
Post # 4
kgibbler: You don’t have to justify anything. It’s an invitation not a command performance. You can choose to decline with no explanation needed. Surely she will not be surprised that some of the invited guests will be unable to attend on such short notice.
Post # 5
It’s fine to tell her you can’t make it on such notice. It’s not fine for you to pass judgment on why she is planning on such short notice. For all you know, the venue did have a cancellation and offered her a massive discount to fill a space that would otherwise go empty and earn them no money, and your friend didn’t want to go into debt for her wedding.
Post # 6
3 weeks is not much time, especially in the summer when most people have plans on weekends. Like all weddings, if you’d like to go then you should, but you’re not obligated regardless of how much advance notice you recieve.