3 years and 3 months and still no proposal!

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

What kind of relationship “issues” are you having? 

Talking about marriage doesn’t need to be a fight. I don’t know why you started a “fight” instead of a discussion. You both need to sit down and discuss if and when you think the engagement should happen, listen to each other’s perspectives, and hopefully come to a compromise if you have different opinions. 

Post # 3
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Well im 31 and have been with my bf for 15-16 years and he’s only just going to propose to me now lol. I would relax and chill about it if I was you. Nothing ends well when it’s rushed and only occurs due to pressure. Imagine a cake being rushed and thrown into the oven when it’s not even ready. It wouldn’t end well for the cake.

25 is very young for a guy. Guys don’t usually like to propose until they feel more secure in their life regarding their job and finances. My bf would often say he didn’t feel like he could give me the kind of life I deserved yet. (His own words) and that he wanted to feel more financially secure first. I’m sure he loves you and does want to marry you but probably isn’t ready yet. He probably wants to feel very financially secure first. Think about it: does he feel like he could afford the kind of ring he wants to get you? He probably wants to wait until he can get you the kind of ring he wants. Does he feel like he can buy a house and ensure he can provide for you and your children down the road if need be? This is why my bf didn’t propose for so long. He’s still very young. I got frustrated with my bf too but then gave up caring after he explained that he simply didn’t feel like he was financially ready to get married. He didn’t feel like he was man enough, mature enough yet. That’s a big responsibility for a man and he must feel ready and go at his own pace.

Pressuring someone to do something they aren’t ready to do is akin to bullying. Imagine how he feels and let him do things his own way. If you truly love him and do want to spend the rest of your life with him and don’t just “want the ring” etc then you should also want him to go at his own pace and do things how he wants, when he wants, if you truly love him. If you truly love someone then you never want to pressure them or make them feel upset or uncomfortable. I would never ever want my bf to do something he didn’t want to do. Why would I ever want that?! I love him more than anything. I care about him and that’s all. He’s supposed to find comfort in me and never ever feel like I’m forcing him to do something he doesn’t feel ready to do. How would you feel if it was the other way around and he was pressuring you to do something you didn’t feel ready to do? That’s not right. That’s not love. That’s akin to emotional abuse to get mad at a loved one for not doing something they aren’t ready to do. You wouldn’t get mad at your child if you had one, or your parents or siblings for not doing something they aren’t ready to do. So why is it ok if it’s the man you want to be your husband? It’s not ok. If he is akin to one of your family members in your heart then pressuring him to do anything he doesn’t want to do yet isn’t ok.

Just something to think about.

 

Eta: idk why the lower parts of my posts keep going small print does anyone know how to fix it?!

Post # 4
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

There is always the option to do the proposing yourself, if you believe that’s where the relationship should be. I’m always surprised how few women see this as an option still. If you really want a yes or no from him, buy a ring and ask.

Post # 5
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hi. I have been with my fiance for over 4 years. Engaged for about a month. I started having the same feelings you were. It didn’t help to watch my friends around me get enagaged after merely a year or two together. I strongly advise that you let him take his time..it is a massive commitment and something that will change your life. And his. The fact that he is still around and loves you deeply is all you need. When he proposes, it will be amazing. Don’t push it and don’t get upset. I held my tongue for over a year and was surprised with a ring I didn’t see coming. 

Post # 6
Member
5034 posts
Bee Keeper

valtul :  Talking about your desire to get married should not end up in an argument. You should not need to nag or bully one another, a simple discussion about the future should be enough.

Post # 7
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

xaphroditex :  I couldn’t of said it better myself.

It took my fiance 10 years before he proposed. Not because he was unsure of doing it but because he wanted to make sure he was financially secure and felt comfortable with the way his  life was going. Give it time. Your still young. No need to rush into things. 

Post # 8
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’re not crazy to feel this way. I sometimes let myself be anxious, and my FI proposed after 10 months. But like you, when he told me he would propose, I knew that he’d never lied to me and has always come through on what he says he will do. Trust your instincts, but at the same time, 3 years is a long time (in my opinion). Just let it sit for now, and maybe determine a timeline for yourself. If he doesn’t propose by the time he said he would, then discuss your timeline with him. 

Post # 9
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

valtul :  You are so young! Try not to stress about getting married or what the future holds. I had several boyfriends in my 20s and early 30s and finally met my husband when I was 34. Keep an open mind and enjoy your 20s. I know it’s easier said than done. The best advice that someone gave me when I was 23 or 24 was that when you are in the right relationship, there is no struggle and you don’t find yourself wondering if the person is really committed to you or if you’re in the right relationship or not. When it’s right, it will feel right. 

Post # 10
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m 27, with my bf for 8 years, and just got engaged.  I think you need to chill a little bit.  You are both very young.  And putting the pressure on him usually doesn’t lead to good things.  You want him to propose because he WANTS to and is READY to, not because you pressured him.

Post # 11
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Someone posted some tips from Mr. Bee’s, or whatever his username was, tips for a proposal at a different thread I was reading some time ago. It had some good tips to “get” someone to propose to you. My husband proposed to me before I read it, but I found that we followed what one of the tips suggested: don’t talk about the engagement. For half a year, I did not mention anything related to weddings or rings or engagements. He just decided that one day he was ready to marry me, asked me for my ring size, got a cheap ring from Macy’s, proposed, and then we went ring-shopping together for the real thing. This all happened in less than a week. You’re still young, so you can wait a couple years.

Post # 12
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

DH and I were together six years before getting engaged. I agree with PPs that it shouldn’t be an argument but rather a discussion. I would think the more pressure and arguing about when it’s going to happen would delay it rather than speed it up. Chill out. 

Post # 13
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t think that these comments help very much. I’m 24, and my boyfriend and I have been together just about 2 years and we got engaged a few months ago. He’s 25, and far from “mature” but he loves me and knows he wants to be with me forever. I don’t think that maturity or financial security have too much to do with getting engaged and becoming committed. Yes, we both have great jobs but life changes every second. I think financial security is fleeting, but it does help if you both have good jobs. When I met my soulmate, I knew I wanted to be with him forever. He got me a beautiful ring and had to save up for it, if that’s what your man is worried about, maybe you should tell him that you don’t expect anything grand, that you just want to be engaged because you love him so much? That will take the pressure off. I absolutely can’t stand when people say “you’re so young, you have time,” because everyone has different goals. I want children at a young age, maybe you do too. I would have a serious conversation with him and ask if there’s a timeline he feels is realistic. If you really have to wait a year then that’s realistic, or even if you feel that it should be a bit sooner maybe there’s a compromise. 

Post # 14
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

valtul :  you’re not trusting him bc you are smart. Until he pulls the trigger it’s all conversation. Stop dating him and he will propose if he wants to marry you. You’re wasting your time fighting. Move on. 

Post # 15
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

“yeah we have our issues like every other couple does”

Famous last words of every lackluster relationship ever.

Leave a comment


Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors