3 Years and NOT ENGAGED! Will he ever commit to me?!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

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libra930 :  

I know you’re in a lot of pain but I hope you realize that you were not wrong for setting boundaries. It seems like your ex used anxiety as a reason to refrain from commiting to you. Leading you to believe that a proposal was imminent was immature. The way he ended the relationship was also cowardly and disrespectful. 

You are still young and people find love at many ages. Please try not to lose hope. Since you would like to get married, it might help to be upfront about that goal the next time you’re in a serious relationship. I wouldn’t recommend bringing up marriage immediately because that might scare men away. Just make sure that you and your next boyfriend are on the same page so that you don’t waste years with him. If you’re in your 30s and a man isn’t interested in marriage after a year, then it is time to cut bait and find someone else because ain’t nobody got time for dat. 

Post # 33
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

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libra930 :  All I can say is wow. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry this happened, but I agree with other bees – it’s better that it happened now rather than later down the road when you had married this guy or had children with him. Your perfect mate is out there! No doubt!

Post # 34
Member
2789 posts
Sugar bee

So sorry you’re going through this bee! No one deserves to be treated like that. Ghosting after 3 years is so incredibly low — good riddance to that guy. I know it seems daunting, but 30 is still really young and you have plenty of time to meet someone else when you are ready. For now, seek refuge in your friends and family, devote more time to hobbies/exercise/other constructive habits, and maybe try therapy to work through all the insecurities and doubts he played on. Focus on self care. You deserve time to heal and recuperate. Big hugs! 

Post # 35
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

I agree 100% about not focusing on the WHY of what happened. My friend I mentioned finally got him to meet up with her to talk about what happened 1 month later. They spent 9hours together and she got ZERO answers from him on why he did what he did. He couldn’t give any answers and it was a huge setback for her to meet with him. Guys don’t do closure. They just move on. They usually just feel how they feel and don’t delve into why. 

You are going to go through several stages with this. My friend was in major denial for a month about how she would take him back if he wanted that, but he would have to work hard. Finally she realized that there was no going back. That she couldn’t ever see him as the same person she loved because how could he do something so hurtful to her? She knew she could never trust him again, and never feel like he had her best interests at heart or could protect her. Just remember that. Aside from whatever issues he had, he choose to completely disregard you and your relationship and your feelings by ghosting and blocking you. 

I thought like you that I’d be married with kids by 30. I am now 34 and in the last year have found the most amazing man. We are getting engaged this year. It isn’t my favorite timeline as I would have loved to be married with kids 2 years ago, and I struggled a lot with time clock anxiety but it does happen. You have time. Work on yourself and get back into dating when you can. 

A way of being grateful that I particularly love is something I learned in Sunday School as a kid. Whenever you see a happy married couple, or a woman with kids and a family, you can look at  that and say, “ that’s mine too!” As in, that right there that you are looking at can come into your life too. Like a promise. I love that way of being grateful bc it replaces the temptation to be jealous with gratitude. Hope I described that well, but I love that idea. 

Hugs bee!! 

 

 

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sassy411 :  
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libra930 :  

Post # 36
Member
8386 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Shit I’m sorry bee. From one libra to another, lots of hugs!! I hope it was a NICE gift certificate. 

It will be difficult for a while, but I honestly believe you will be better off. I can’t believe how long he strung you along! He had 0 intention of proposing at any of those junctures. Hind sight is 20/20 unfortunately. Maybe let the bride/groom know you won’t be attending with him. They might tell you to bring a friend or something instead. THen you can go have a fun time out. 

Take care of yourself bee.

Post # 37
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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libra930 :  what a pos he is to do that to you.  I’m sorry, you deserve so much better!

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