(Closed) 3 years together – nervous about moving in?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

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xoxmistie:  I was sooo nervous. I actually cried the day we moved in together (I’m such a catch!) 

We’d been together 5 years and moved in together the week before I finished my degree. It was really emotional for me because it meant that I basically never went home after uni. I moved straight from that house to our new rented house. 

However, I love living with my now Fiance πŸ™‚ we rented for 15 months and then bought our own place, which we’ve been in just over a year πŸ™‚

It’s normal to feel emotional (scared even) but I’m sure you’ll love it πŸ™‚

Plus, my mum always told me its better to find out if you can live together before committing to marriage because it’s when you REALLY get to know who you’re dating πŸ™‚ 

 

xx

Post # 3
Member
4018 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My husband and I didn’t live together until after we were married, but make sure you go ahead and decide who is in charge of what as far as chores around the house. That’s not to say the other cant help out with the others chores, but already knowing helps. Also decide how you will split the bills. Know who is responsible for paying which bills. 

Post # 4
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Just make sure you guys talk about everything. Who does what chores when? Does he prefer cooking and you prefer dishes? Then split it that way the majority of the time. How are the bills being split? How will the finances be set up- completely separate or will there be a joint account as well as individual ones? Discuss friends and family visiting as well. Once all that has been discussed I think you won’t be as nervous. It’s not a romantic conversation but it will really show you each other’s expectations of living together and where you may have issues. A monthly ‘house meeting’ might be good too. Just to lay out all the bills and talk about any issues that you guys may have had and didn’t bring up in the moment or didn’t get resolved. Other things to discuss may be pets, grocery shopping, who gets to park where lol SO and I have a one car garage, he gets it and I park on the street. I have a crappy car though and his is new. Just be prepared to make some compromises and realize you will probably run into annoying issues but as long as you communicate and be respectful you guys will do great and I think you will find that’s it’s pretty fun living with your SO πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

I moved in with mine three years ago on a whim actually. It worked out really well!  Sure he’s a bit messier than I’d like but he does the dishes and takes out the trash.  We don’t have a schedule of things but he does what I ask.. usually. 

Overall we love it.  Very comforting after long days at work to come home to one another. 

Post # 8
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

Have you ever lived on your own? My dad always told me live by yourself before you live with someone else.

I loved the time I lived alone and cherish all the lessons I learned.

But if that is not going to happen, just embrace it. If you guys do break up then at least you know before you got married

Post # 9
Member
4888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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xoxmistie:  I was like you -nervous. I had never lived with a guy I had been dating before and felt like it was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone. Heck, I hadn’t lived with anyone for almost 10 years!

Not that I didn’t love my BF (now DH), but it was just different. Plus, I owned my own condo and would have to put that up for sale, and work on rehoming my cat since DH is allergic. I was more upset about my cat (who did go to a great home) than I was selling my house – but both big changes. We had discussed it the year before I moved in (so, almost 2 years of dating), but I wasn’t ready. The following summer, I knew I’d have better luck putting my house on the market and was more ready. And, DH wanted to live together before we got engaged/married – I was always on the fence as I could have gone both ways. We discussed again, and my place was on the market at the beginning of August. It finally sold mid-October, which was just a month shy of our 3 year dating anniversary. We got engaged 4 months later, and married 8 months after that… so it all worked out.

Had I moved in earlier, would we have gotten married earlier? Probably, but like I said, I wasn’t ready then but was when it actually happened.

Post # 10
Member
9015 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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janedw:  + 100 This! I am one of very few people I know who lived alone and it taught me a lot.

 

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xoxmistie:  As per PP’s, define chores quite clearly. Nothing takes the shine off just moving in with your love than a blow out over the washing up not being done! πŸ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I moved in with my FH within our first year of dating. I love it! It was very natural for us.

Make sure you talk about privacy or alone time – don’t expect to be together 100% of the time. Everyone needs their space. For us, FH wanted a few minutes to unwind after getting home from work. No big deal to me, but it hugely benefited him.

The rest, discussion chores, etc. is very individual to the couple. Compromise, compromise, compromise. Don’t nag, discuss. Come to solutions together, and don’t fall down the slippery slope of either of you turning in to a “parental” figure.

Lastly, I will say that living alone is a priceless experience. You gain an independence that you don’t get anywhere else. Even for just a few months might be worth it.

Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

What you’re feeling is totally normal. I too was extremely nervous moving in with my Fiance. I just moved in this past June. I had my own home and had lived in it alone for the last eight years and never lived with a boyfriend before. I did a lot of crying and dreaded the move and it wasn’t because I didn’t love him. I’m very emotional and sentimental so I was sad to leave my first home. I was moving to a different city which I also wasn’t thrilled about so I was out of my routine and I generally struggle with change. So I struggle with him leaving things laying around the house but I have learned to pick my battles when it comes to being messy and address it in a calm manner. I didn’t want to turn into a nag. Luckily as time has gone by I am starting to settle in and feeling okay with everything, just maybe still wishing we weren’t in his hometown

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  jlynn2982.
Post # 13
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Compromise is key. I can’t stress that enough. Pick your battles (most of the time they aren’t worth it).  Remember that you have flaws, just as he does.  

That said, I agree with a few PP’s in living alone at some point, if at all possible.  I lived alone for 3-4 years and it gave me a sense of independence that I wouldn’t trade for the world (neither would Fiance, for that matter).  I actually made Fiance live alone, by himself for a year before I would move in with him, so he would get that opportunity as well.  

Post # 14
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

When I moved in with my ex and later with my husband, we made sure to have a break up plan.  I knew I had a place to go, that he would be able to afford his rent on his own.  It made it much easier to go through the breakup with my ex, so we didn’t have to go through our finances and split anything.  

Post # 15
Member
16 posts
Newbee

Communication is key! I was nervous at first too, It’s overwhelming, but gets easier as you both work together to get in a routine! Best of luck!

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