Post # 1
Not sure if this is the right forum. Apologies if it’s not.
Well, I’m single and 30 and wondering if I’m doomed to be childless. I come from a big, unhappy family.
Seeing my parents’ relationship made me never want to have children with the wrong person. I don’t know if fertility is at all hereditary but the women in my family have had children well into their 40s. I’ve never TTC so if I do have an issue, I haven’t discovered it yet. Honestly, I’ve always thought I was going to adopt, and while I take good care of my health, I was never too worried about my fertility. Until this past couple of weeks.
My sister (who has a daughter) went off on a speech about what a shame it is that she’s the only child in the family to provide a grandchild, and how now that I’m 30, I likely won’t ever have children. I assume this is because she thinks by the time I meet someone and settle down I won’t have time to have a kid.
Adding to the panic is the fact my uncle, in his late 40s, announced he will only date women in their 20s so they can still have children. Great. My uncle is now dating women younger than me.
I’m not sure what to believe. My fertility has been declining since 27…or it took a nosedive at 30, or by 35 I’m DOOMED.
What if taking care of myself doesn’t even matter!? My family’s concern has me FREAKING OUT. The last couple of men I dated (if you can call it that) weren’t serious. One was cheating on his girlfriend and the other wanted FWB. So I walked. But my family has made me feel like I need to just find anyone and get pregnant while I still have time. Obviously, I’m panicing and was just hoping to hear some stories of hope.
Post # 2
Your fertility does not take a nosedive as soon as you turn 35. It declines faster, yes, but you don;t wake up at 35 baron. There are tons of women (on this board even) who got pregnant right away at 35, or 36, or 37. There are women who can’t get pregnant at 25. Your age and fertility are related, but there are sooooo many other factors.
If you know you want biological children, then it can’t hurt to consider other options, and get a plan in place for yourself. Maybe look into freezing your eggs, or donor sperm.
Personally I don’t think you need to worry at 30, but I’m not a Dr, and I have no idea about your personal fertility.
Post # 3
I have no advice. I’m 33 and no kids and feel the same way about having kids with the wrong guy, maybe adoption. I just feel like if its meant to be it will be. If its not I would be honored to be an adopted parent or foster parent.
I’m just commenting to basically tell you that your sister and your uncle are morons for stressing you out and hurting your feelings. Especially your sister. Thats really insensitive. You can meet the love of your life tomorrow and be expecting in a couple of years. Try to ignore them.
Post # 4
Let’s be real.. is there any 20 year olds that are going to even WANT to date your uncle??!
Real rude of your sister too, she could shush up fast!
I wouldn’t worry yet. I know that’s easier said then done, we aren’t having kids until I’m AT LEAST 32, which in a way terrifies me. I think to think though by then modern medicine will be even more advanced for us who may need a little help in that department.
Post # 5
You’re not doomed! There is hope 🙂
I got a speeCh from my sister at 30 suggesting I freeze my eggs. I was single and desperate for a family. My parents are the type of people who shouldn’t have children and I’ve had lots of issues to deal with. I’ve always been desperate for my own family. I guess I see it as the only way to have a proper family.
I started dating SO at 31 and gave birth to our son at 33. Single at 30 I honestly never thought I’d meet anyone. At my ante natal class I became friends with two 38 years olds. Both fell pregnant quickly even at that age. My SO cousin just had her first baby a few weeks shy of her 40th. Fertility does decrease and it may take you longer to conceive but it’s possible.
Also, my family have a history of early menopause (early as in 30’s) so time was not on my side.
Stay positive xx
Post # 6
That’s completely unfair of your family. As above, your fertility declines after 35 but you won’t suddenly be unable to conceive. There’s just too much pressure on women around our age. I believe that you never know who is around the corner. I’ve known people move very quickly when meeting their loved one so being in your thirties really isn’t a big deal.
Post # 7
It declines but it doesn’t shut off! Some people have trouble conceiving in their 20’s some people in their 40’s get pregnant with no trouble at all. My mum became pregnant with me at 38 with no trouble at all. There are many options such as sperm doners, adoption, ivf if there was trouble. But I think you may be freaking out a little early. Chill and see if you meet a nice man if you don’t look at other options and enjoy your life.
Post # 8
Oh, please. Amal Clooney is 37 and apparently pregnant with her first child. Madonna had Lourdes Maria when she was 38. My mother’s friend got pregnant by mistake at 51!! There are plenty of women who conceive well into their 40s. Yes, it would be better to get pregnant when you’re younger, agreed, but life doesn’t always go as planned. Luckily we live in 2015 and there are tons of possibilities to aid fertility nowadays. I wish you wholeheartedly that 2016 can bring you the love of your life so that you can start to plan a family. Fingers crossed!
Post # 9
as my RE described it. it isn’t all of your eggs are good and then one day all of your eggs are bad, it is a gradual process as you age.
i didn’t meet my husband until i was 30.
if you are worried about your fertility, you can look into freezing your eggs now.
i have a friend (42) who never found the right man to marry. she wanted children and went through donor sperm and IVF. she now has 6 month old twins.
Post # 10
iamkat: So I have a very close friend that just had her first baby, at 31. She had NO problem getting pregnant (2nd month trying) and had a totally uncomplicated pregnancy and the baby is doing great. So – we were having a discussion the other day (her and her husband and me and mine) and I said something along the lines of, “I could wait 4 more years and be fine). I am 28, meaning I could have my 1st baby at 32.
SHE LOST HER SHIT. Her and her husband BOTH started lecturing me about how we need to try now because I might have an issue and you just never know, etc. etc. I was shocked. She also doesnt know that my hubby and I are just “eh” about having kids and if it didnt happen naturally, we already discussed there would be no IVF or anything for us and we’d move on with our lives.
It’s just so rude. I am freaking 28!! and you think I need to worry about my fertility?! Afterwards my husband and I were like, WTF was that?!
Needless to say, stop listening to other people. A friend of mine was born when her mom was 42 and she’s TOTALLY fine.
Post # 11
Your sister is mean and your uncle sounds delusional (he thinks he can get women 20+ years younger? Lol). Of course you can still have kids in your thirties, or even your early fourties. Fertility declines, but slowly. I’m 28, childless and I don’t want to have children til I’m 33 or so. There are plenty of women who had their first child with 35+. One of my friends is 27, she just got pregnant by artificial insemination because her and her husband have tried to get her pregnant for two years. You see, younger women can have fertility issues, too.
Post # 12
I’m 34 and I totally get where you are coming from, but agree with all the PPs. Fertility starts declining gradually (I believe in your late 20s) and continues to do so throughout your 30s. My mom had me at 33 and my sister at 38 so I’m hoping that is a good sign.
At the end of the day, you never know what it’s goign to be like until you are actively trying to have children. The last time one of my aunts said something I pretended to look at my watch and said, “You’ll have to excuse me. It’s still early – gonna head to the bar and see if I can’t take care of that 9 months from now…” She shut up 🙂
Post # 13
Don’t freak out. Many women get pregant in thier 30s now, and many more don’t even try until they hit their 30s. Darling Husband and I aren’t going to try-try until I’m 30 (we are in NTNP right now, and really hope that works, but we will get fully down to business next year) There are also other paths like adoption, which it sounds like you are open to, to have a family.
Just take care of your body between now and then, like it sounds like you are. Being in good health will prevent some fertilty issues.
Post # 14
My mother didn’t get married until she was 34 and had me at 38. That was 30 years ago – just relax. If you are worried you can always schedule an appointment with your gyno to see if you have any issues. Adoption is also an option. Most of my friends just started having babies and they are all over 32+.
Post # 15