(Closed) 30+ first time brides … are you paying for your own wedding?

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
  • poll: Are you paying for your wedding?

    Yes, we are paying for the whole wedding ourselves

    We are paying for most of the wedding with some small contribution from others

    We are paying about half of the total cost

    We are paying about a quarter of the total cost

    We will pay for one or two things only, the rest will be paid by others

    We are not paying anything at all for our wedding


  • Post # 46
    648 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    My mom wants to pay for the wedding, but I don’t want her to have too much say, so I am planning on SO & I paying… Will gladly accept, say, a dress gift, though!!

    I’m newly engaged, so I’m just starting out planning, but I’d much rather have a simple affair on my own budget than losing control of my own wedding. 

    Post # 47
    713 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

    I am 34 and my FH just turned 30, both sets of parents are contributing some money but we are paying for the wedding mostly by ourselves. My mom was saving money for my wedding and if didn’t get married (or look like I was gonna get married) it would have gone for a down payment for a house. My FIL’s are financially secure and they wanted to gift us money and are paying for hotel rooms for all the Out of Town guest (75 FMIL’s family coming from Boston to FL) and the rehearsal dinner. Both my Mom and my FIL’s are involved in the wedding planning we all went to look at the venue together and of course the food tasting. They leave all the decisions up to us for the final word but if we have questions or want to run something by them they are always willing to listen and give advice.

    Post # 48
    531 posts
    Busy bee

    We’ll be 32 and 35 when we get married.  I take great pride in the fact that I have paid my way my entire adult life (except for college), but definitely thereafter including grad school.  My parents have offered to pay for the whole thing and/or contribute but I am just so uncomfortable accepting money from them.  Definitely paying ourselves.

    Post # 49
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m turning 30 in August & my Fiance turned 50 in May. It’s both our first marriage in October & we have 2 year old son. We are paying 100% for our 3 weddings & we are over the moon about it. Fiance doesn’t have parents anymore & my mom is unemployed,  so there’s just no way that she can assist. But she is running around for us since we are currently in a foreign country and can’t do anything ourselves apart from paying. But we both have good paying jobs & this wedding is not even going to touch our savings. 

    Post # 50
    515 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Fiance and I will be 32 and 34 (I’m marrying a younger dude!) when we get married next Fall 2015. We’ll be paying for about 70% of wedding costs, the rest from my parents. We both have careers but pay isn’t as great as we wish so we’re fortunate that our parents can help a little.

    It was never an expectation that my folks would pay for it all. They don’t have the money and I’m a grown woman 😛 If I was 20 years old and getting married, we’d have a different story.

    Post # 51
    441 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m not quite 30 (I’m 28 and Fiance is 29) but we are both paying for the wedding ourselves. My parents, did however, offer to pay for my dress.

    Post # 52
    7941 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    My husband and I were just shy of 30 and paid for the whole wedding ourselves. We wanted an extravagant wedding with a very high budget and couldn’t see ourselves asking anyone else to afford our choices.

    Post # 53
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I know this is an old thread, but wanted to add my bit in!

    I have 3 sisters, no brothers. Oldest sister married at the courthouse and didnt tell anyone until the next day (to someone we didnt like and she divorced less than 2 years later…ahem) when she was 22. My younger sister married at 26 and had a huge out of state wedding that my parents paid most of. Fiance and I are having a very short engagement and a small at home wedding that my parents are paying for almost all of. Fiance is paying for his tux, and we are obvi paying for out thank you gifts and what not. We are both 31. Im sure even if my older sister got married again my parents would help out, but not as extravegantly as they did my younger sister! My 3rd sister is not engaged yet :p

    Post # 54
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Im 32, first time wedding and yes I am paying for my own wedding by choice.  I wouldnt allow either parents to kick in for the wedding.  I can afford it on my own and my parents are near retirement so I would feel silly.  However the in laws purchased us a suprise honeymoon to Alaska and the other parents told us they are giving us a large amount of cash.  So they are finding their ways to contribute still! 

    Post # 55
    15 posts
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Just wondering for those of you who are paying for their own wedding.  How do you pay for stuff upfront when you work paycheck to paycheck?  Credit Cards?

    Post # 56
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee

    My parents never intended on contributing financially to my wedding, or college, or anything else after age 18.

    Post # 57
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Fiance and I are paying for our own wedding, with some generous contributions from donors in our community to help. Won’t be anything extravagant, but the extra help will allow us to do something a little nicer. We are very fortunate to be able to rely on the kindness of others.

    In our culture, it is very common, I’d say almost a given, that parents contribute to the wedding, or even pay for it all, no matter how old you are! Marriage is a big deal.

    Even though I have been independent and supporting myself for years and had zero expectations of my parents contributing, it still hurts a little that they haven’t offered anything. I’m ok with it though, as I’d feel uncomfortable accepting their money or various reasons.

    Fiance is having a harder time though, as he always envisioned his parents being more involved and at least offering to contribute something. My Future Mother-In-Law told him outright that she thinks “the bride should pay” (riiight..) and that we are responsible for all costs. FI’s brother had a big, traditional wedding, no questions asked. Fiance is slowly coming to terms with it all but it’s still a bitter pill.

    I believe that we will come out of this stronger as a couple, though. I’m glad I don’t have a Mother-In-Law paying for everything and therefore deciding everything!

    Post # 58
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    SellyJo:  I was married at 29 (and a half!) and husband was 36. My parents paid for the wedding in full and his mother paid for the rehearsal and honeymoon. There’s just simply no way either of them would have had it any other way — my dad was super thrilled to do it for “his little girl” and my Mother-In-Law was so proud to contribute as well.

    Paying for the wedding did not detract at all from my parents’ ability to live comfortably, so I don’t feel guilty about “taking” anything from them. Also, even though they paid in full, we retained full control of ALL decisions, including guest list. My dad basically just transferred cash into my account or gave me a credit card number depending on whatever was easiest, and we made all the decisions alongside our wedding planner. Some parents would never dream of imposing their personal wants on their children’s wedding, even when they paying.

    Post # 59
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Being the only Daughter, my mum has been planning this for years and has stored a lot of money aside for it (which I did not even expect) so she is insistant!  I am sure that we will end up paying half though as accomodating for family interstate etc will cost us and I feel it is only fair.

    I havent been closed to being married/engaged before, closest I got was one ex saying “Id marry that girl” when he met me and another ex professing “he would marry me” after I dumped his ass for not being on the same level (didnt want marriage or kids) So in saying this its not like I missed out I feel like I am just finally ready which I had not felt until now.

    Post # 60
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    We are paying for everything except for my dress. My parents were kind enough to buy that for us 🙂

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