(Closed) 30 something single mom to wait how long???

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@seriouslyiamdoingthis: Let me preface this with–I never had to wait so I don’t have the same experiences as some of the other ladies here but–I think there are two sides you need to look at in this equation (and I’ll list them 😉   )

1. 14 months compared to what I have heard on this board is not that long.        (so +1 for him)

2. I would be wary of a man who is approaching 40 and is unable to commit to you or anyone else before you.

Not saying that you should walk or not walk. Just two facts that should be taken into consideration. I am very glad to hear that you are taking the effect on your daughter into consideration as well–that is what a good mother would do.

Post # 4
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Well, firstly I think you have to go with your instincts. From what you have said you have your doubts about his intentions and perhaps you need to play down the relationship a little bit? Instead of letting him come over every night, maybe you should instigate some nights where it is just mother daughter time.

If he is genuine, the inability to see you every night will force him to think closely about the relationship.

I’m not sure your thoughts on him moving in with you… perhaps you need to say to him you want to take the relationship to the next level and when you get engaged he can move in.

 

Post # 5
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Men have a different clock.  When they are ready, they’re ready.  Not a moment before.  Doesn’t sound like he’s ready.

I normally jump ship after 2 yrs and that was mostly due to us having a honest conversation regarding what our future looked like.   The deal breaker was always children.  I wanted them and they didn’t. So, each relationship ended unfortunately but my I did find my Fiance 3yrs later after my last painful break-up.  And I’m soo happy that I kept my faith and belief that my Man was out there.

I’m telling you this story because you need to really think about if you stay can you wait 2 or 3 yrs and still not get the ring.   I know its a difficult decision because of your love for him and your daughter’s relationship w/ him, but don’t allow a timetable and fear determine if you will stay or leave.  My honest opinion is to take relax and don’t brooch the subject again for another 6-9months.  If you don’t like the progress or his reasoning, its time to move on. 

Regardless of your age, you still have time.  Believe me.  I’m getting married for the first time @ 41. 

Good Luck!!!!

Post # 6
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh, I forgot to add that one of my single Mom gf married for the first time @ 38 and had 2 kids in the last 2yrs. 

Post # 7
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Hmmmm- if I were in your shoes- I would

1. start Mr. Bee’s plan— basically your relationship comes second- you are doing things for yourself, getting too busy to worry about getting engaged and not speaking much on the subject. Join a gym, do something different with your hair, cut your time together ESPECIALLY when your daughter is with her father – go places without your guy.

2. I would start Mr. Bee’s plan AFTER you had one finaly sit down talk- waiting “meltdowns” do NOTHING for a guy (trust me, I should know) except make them feel bad. They do NOT make a proposal come any quicker. So, one weekend while your daughter is away- get your guy in a GREAT mood, take him to dinner, see a movie, have a nice genuine date and at the end, bring it up casually. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I honestly thought we would be engaged by now by how past conversations initiated by you were going. Just know that I do love you but I am getting a bit insecure while I am waiting for you to make that move. It really doesn’t make me feel too good and I figure I need to start putting the focus back on me and not for this engagement that I am waiting for. I would love to be married to you as well my daughter would want us to be but at any time, if you don’t feel the same, please let me know so I understand that it is not an option. And if there is anything holding you back, please feel free to tell me as well so that can help me understand the hold up.” And leave it at that. You may also want to come up with the “reasons” why you want to be married just in case if he questions it. Some bees get stuck when it comes to that question- I personally see it as a common goal and the next stage to a relationship. I don’t feel comfortable calling a grown man my boyfriend.

3. I would frequent this board OFTEN- every time you want to have a melt down, COME HERE. I honestly wish that I knew about this board while I was waiting, it would have saved me from a MILLION meltdowns- including one that I had at my SO’s friend’s wedding (embarrasing). You will find the support and advice that you need here.

4. Lastly, you have to be honest with YOURSELF. I find that many of us women don’t take the time out to think about the future sans proposal. How long ARE you willing to wait? If another 2 years pass and he hasn’t proposed, what are YOU going to do? Propose to him? End the relationship? Forego your want to be married? Do you want more children? Are you willing to have them out of wedlock? What if it takes another 5 or more years to be ready? At some point, you can not leave this major decision in his hands- you must make a decision yourself. Good luck and welcome!

Post # 9
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

good luck- I hope to read your proposal story within the next 3 months!

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