30, with no long term relationship ever! is there still hope?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Before Darling Husband, my longest relationship was six months.  I met him when I was 32.  We married when I was 35 and we’re talking about TTC now.

Don’t assume that your recent breakup was due to sex – and don’t assume you won’t find someone who is prepared to take it slowly with you.  A decent guy will take the time to teach you what he needs in a partner and take time to learn from you what you need as well.  In any new relationship there is always an adjustment period – sex is almost never perfect straight away, so don’t get it into your head that you aren’t satisfying your partner.  It does sound to me like you perhaps have a bit of a hang up about it – maybe some therapy to help you get through that might be useful before you embark on a new relationship.

Post # 3
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t worry.  I had my first boyfriend in my late 20’s and we ended up getting married.  I was actually the first of all my friends to get married.  Now the people that used to “worry” about my nonexistent dating life, wish they could find the right guy and settle down to have a family.  Everyone is different, so don’t compare yourself to others.  The right guy might be glad you haven’t been with a ton of other guys.

Post # 5
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee

OP, I also began dating seriously in my very late 20s, and it only took two boyfriends for the third to become my fiance in my mid-30s. EVERYONE is inexperienced when they started, hon! 🙂 Like any of us knew how to have good sex or how to compromise for another person when we were 16 or whatever!

Now, I understand that there’s a difference: your dating pool will include far more experienced than inexperienced men, but that doesn’t have to be a dating killer. Mine did too! My first real boyfriend had already had many long-term relationships, AND he was 5 years older than I, so. You can definitely find a guy who cares for you enough to just be himself and flow with who YOU are. When you find that kinda thing, experience doesn’t matter because everything just flows.

Post # 6
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s OK, nothing wrong with waiting for the right one. I didn’t have a serious relationship till my late 20s, and it ended sort of because of my lack of experience, but that wasn’t the real reason. The real reason was that we simply weren’t right for each other. We liked each other, but part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to find me not-enough in some way, and part of him was always waiting for me to change on him and become demanding and high-maintenance.

I met my husband when I was almost 30 and it was a very different story. I can’t say I was much more experienced, or more awesome than I’d been earlier, but there wasn’t that annoying feeling that if I didn’t look super put together one day, or said something dumb, he would think less of me.

It is hard when you meet someone so late, I couldn’t help wishing we’d also had our 20s together, but better late than never…

Post # 7
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I was 29 when I met my first boyfriend. We are discussing getting married by the end of next year. I was fairly open early on about not knowing how to do this because I’d never done it before. Probably too open. But at the same time it led to communication that should happen anyway. 

When I was younger there were a handful of people who were serious. Many people were just playing around. So I look at it as I just skipped the casual stuff that wouldn’t have accomplished anything anyway. 

Post # 8
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

– go out loads with your girl friends (and male friends too but your girls are going to be your core here)

– my 30s have been my best decade so far by a long shot

– use this time to really push where you want to go in your career

– make smart decisions with money to set you up well

– travel loads (go to festivals, gigs, random events just for the hell of it)

– date guys just to flirt and have fun 

– check out this guys blog and free resources. I found him very helpful in the dating world to steer me to make good choices for myself 

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/

 

The fact i have to write this in bullet points quickly because because I have a little baby needing me should reassure you a lot. 

I’m 40. Met my husband 3 years ago. He’s now 42. 

You have a lot of fun ahead of you!

dont sit and stew. Take action. But dont worry either. 

Post # 9
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

impatient1 :  i agree

 

OP – you only need one long term relationship and the next guy could be THE guy. some guys will find it weird but guess what, they are not great husband material. the right guy wont care

my suggestions to you are definately, to put yourtself out there. go to classes especially dance classes, do volunteering, anything where you meet new peopole. lots of them. also dont knock online dating, i know 6 couples who met and married people they met on things like match.com including a total no hoper introverted guy who met and married a beautiful venezuelan lady within a year

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

My longest relationship before my now SO was 4 months… And I met my SO when I was 35! You don’t need tons of prior rexperience to have a great relationship, especially when you meet the right person. I learned a lot from dating and my short term relationships which I carried into this relationship, and this relationship has been smooth and steady for 2 years now.

It sounds to me like you don’t necessarily need relationship experience, you need to boost your self esteem! You don’t know why your 6 month boyfriend broke up with you, it may have just been incompatibility.

It’s so cliche, but for me it held true – when you meet the right person, you can’t really mess it up or do something wrong. It will just feel “right”.

Post # 11
Member
665 posts
Busy bee

californiad20 :  it’s not bc you are sexually inexperienced. A lot of guys like that. WHat do you think you are doing wrong? 

Post # 12
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

Don’t worry, I was in your shoes completely. I had a couple really short relationships that fizzled and my last one was 7 months long. I had a good time, but we weren’t really compatible with life goals and also in the bedroom. I broke up with him when I realized he had falled out of love, and he even mentioned the issues in the bedroom as being a big part of it – it was pretty obvious he wasn’t willing to put the real effort in and that’s why I was never completely satisfied.

About a year later, I met my current boyfriend. I didn’t want to advertise that I didn’t have much experience, especially when he’d already been married/divorced. But I’m sure he realizes I don’t have as much experience as him with relationship and it’s been fine. We’re about to celebrate 2.5 years together and are thinking about marriage. 

Good luck! Also, check out Matthew Hussey – he has lots of good videos on Youtube about dating and if you’re really serious, you can sign up for one of his workshops or at least read his book. It definitely helped me with keeping my standards high and being a “high value” woman so I can attract the right partner. He also talks about how you should approach going out and meeting people, among other things.

Post # 13
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, I was an emotional trainwreck in my 20s. You could not pay me enough to go back to that time. Then when I was in my early 30s, I had a huge career setback and was dumped by a serious partner right when I thought things were heading towards engagement. Professionally, things have been steadily improving for the past few years but things only started to go well personally about a year ago. But now I’m recently engaged at age 36!

The first part of my 30s were as tough or tougher than my 20s, but I am optimistic that the last half of my 30s will be awesome. Also, I wouldn’t have wanted to meet my fiance when I was younger, because I would have scared him away! Best to learn from all those mistakes and then leave them in the past! 

Post # 14
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

I can’t speak from experience personally, but my best friend was a virgin and had her first boyfriend at age 32. I remember her always worrying about meeting a guy and being inexperienced in the relationship, but you just have to find the right guy. The right guy will not judge you for being “inexperienced” and will be patient with you! 

Post # 15
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

Not sure why sexual inexperience counts as a negative. Most men will enjoy you as long as you’re willing, able and they’re attracted.

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