30, with no long term relationship ever! is there still hope?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

…and sometimes even when they are not attracted

Post # 17
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I have a cousin who is 36. I really don’t think she had ever kissed a guy until she started dating her Boyfriend or Best Friend. She is extremely picky and dated one guy in high school for a very short period of time. She met her bf through church and they are getting engaged soon. She told me several times she thought she just was meant to remain single. The thing is, you can meet the one ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. The grocery store, the mall, a movie, party, a drive through, wherever. Sometimes it just happens.

As far as sexual inexperience I guess I don’t get that, as women we don’t have to do as much work as the guy (usually) , and the more sex you have the better you get at it. I don’t see why it would have been an issue unless you just literally sat there and did nothing, but that is an easy fix.

Post # 20
Member
10687 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

californiad20 :  

NO!  It’s only your second date.  Your prior sex life is is way Out of Town Too Much Information.

Just let things evolve organically.  

Post # 22
Member
10687 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

californiad20 :  

Cart, meet horse.

Honey, get to know each other.  See if you even like each other.  If you get to the point someday where you’re ready to increase your intimacy, you will already have a connection.  If he’s a good man who cares about you, he’ll want you to feel comfortable and will happily do whatever that takes.

When you’re truly emotionally ready for the relationship to become sexual, you won’t need our coaching.  You’re trying to do it backwards—get the sex stuff figured out and then see if you can have the relationship.

 

Post # 23
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I was in a very similar situation; at 30 I had never been in a long-term relationship and had relatively little sexual experience compared to other poeple my age, which I always felt very self-concious about. At that age you don’t want to feel like you don’t know as much as you should and wondering if a guy you’re with will be able to tell or will he be dissapointed. But at 31 I found my guy and even though I was concerned about that in the beginning, when we got to that point, it just came naturally.  When you’re with someone that you really connect with and connects the same way with you, everything falls into place and you end up wondering why you spent so much time thinking it would be an issue. Don’t be discouraged. I truly believe when you find someone who feels strongly about you, it won’t be an issue. Best of luck.

Post # 24
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I felt the same way when I was 30. I’m 32 now and I met my Fiance online a month before I turned 31, he was two months away from being 31. Before him my longest relationship was 9 months but it wasn’t serious .  FI and I were both used to being single and hadn’t dated much so it worked out.  Just relax and have fun getting to know each other 😀

Post # 25
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Four Seasons Hotel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills

You’re not alone. With the exception of one very dysfunctional relationship when I was 22-23, my Fiance has been my only real serious, long term relationship in my adult life and I met him at 31. Like you I thought my lack of “experience” (not necessarily lack of sexual experience in my case, but lack of long term relationship experience/ emotionally connecting) was keeping me from finding someone, but when I met Fiance it just clicked and now we’re getting married. He knows I didn’t have a ton of boyfriends before him and he actually likes that I don’t have a long history of exes. When it’s right it’s right. I would just be yourself and not worry about your lack of “experience,” as worrying about that can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know it is easier said than done though, as I went through the same thing. Hang in there!! He’s out there….

Post # 26
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

I met my then boyfriend now fiancé when I was 32. I was two weeks to 35 when he proposed last month. He’s got another 18 months to wait before wedding in 2019. Due to my religious belief, we are waiting. So we had a lot of extra time to talk. Wait actively for someone whom you can communicate with, who’s willing to understand you and still love you despite your idiosyncrasies. Everyone has our idiosyncrasies. Sex will follow when time comes.

Sometimes you hear of men who pressure their partner to have sex to prove the partner loves them. He told me that he can’t understand how one can love another if one doesn’t respect the other person. Find someone who respects and cares for you. Don’t settle for the second best. You deserve the best for you. And when he appears, you’ll know.

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