Post # 16
I could have written your letter when I was 33. Now I am 37 and just had a baby. It is true: the fact that it is your own makes all the difference in terms of how you perceive the tasks you have to do. I say wait and see – there are many factors that play into such a decision. For me, it was being relatively secure in my career and marrying a man I could see myself having children with.
Post # 17
This is what I’ve been thinking. I feel like I might just need a few more years. I was in a relationship for 8 years with another man prior to my husband. He was lazy – we barely traveled or did anything else for that matter, my career was in a rut…I was pretty depressed. I’ve rebuilt my life over the past 3 1/2 years (met my husband, accelerated my career, we live in a vibrant city) and I’m happier than I have ever been in my life. I want to keep doing things for myself and for us because my 20s were a rut, we’re about to buy a home, move to another city, I want to try to do my own little side business….I don’t feel ready to just drop all of this yet…I know life doesnt totally stop when you have children, there’s fulfillment through them and i get that, but I feel like these are things I need to do for me. I’m going to have another talk with my husband about it. I mean ultimately we both need to be ready…
Post # 18
I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful responses to my question. It was really refreshing to read all of your comments. A lot of boards and articles I read tend to be very one sided, but you all made me feel that my thoughts are normal and OK to have. I truly appreciate it and now know I’m not alone
Post # 19
I am 51 and never wanted children. I have no regrets. I knew I made the right decision when I met DH and my period once came late and I felt nothing but panic and dread and started wondering whether my brother and his wife would like to adopt. No baby fever at all.
Post # 20
I’m 33, I’m currently pregnant, and I never had baby rabies. I want a family, for sure. Little babies have never appealed to me. Bring them back when they have a personality and can at least babble at me. I’m excited about having our own, but more excited about him/her being 3 or 4 than a newborn.
Post # 21
I’m 34 – 35 in 4 months (same time as my wedding). I went through a period where I was 100% against having kids. Then I met my future husband – who 100% wants kids. I knew that if I wanted to be with him, having kids had to be the path I took. It was a deal breaker for him. So I did some soul seaching. I spent time with my friends kids. I let myself coo over them and just feel whatever emotions came up.
I’m an only child and my future husband is from a family of 4 kids. So we have very different ideas of what a family is. I eventually realized that while I do not have baby rabies, I could have a kid. Especially if it meant so much to my future husband. All the things I hate about kids (which, lets face it, is a lot), I know I will feel much differently about when its my own. Though my soul searching, I realized my dislike of kids was more about my fear of losing my independence. So I told my future husband, that if we have kids, he needs to know my stance is that I will be happy if I have a kid and I’ll be just as happy if I don’t have a kid. I do not need a child to complete my life or make me happy. And I honestly think that is the best attitude you can have going into having a child. Wanting a kid to make your life complete is placing a lot of expectations of your child – expectations which are very likely to fail and make you unhappy.
So we agreed we will be one and done (which is sorta solidified given that we are waiting until spring 2016 – when I turn 36 – to start trying anyway). Being a “mature” parent, I think, will allow me to settle and say “I did all the things I wanted to do as an independent adult. I can’t complain about not having done the things I wanted to do”. It has made my decision to have a child a little less frightening (just a little less). I am still going to freak out when we start trying and I still get anxious thinking about losing the ability to pack up and head to the mountains for the weekend on 10 mins notice. But life is all about different experiences and this is just another one.
Post # 22
I’m 28 and I’ve known for a long time that I really wasn’t into the kids thing. I’m not into holding babies, and I’ve always found the constant need for attention that children have rather annoying. I’ve even told my fiance that I’m not into the whole kids thing and even though he really wants them, he’s okay with it. I have health issues as well, and he is more worried about me than anything else. Do what feels right by you. Maybe the kids urge will come, maybe it won’t. I do know, however, that you should be sure that you want children before you have them… Making babies just to make them, it’s a big mistake. Be sure, and be safe. As for me… No desire or urge yet. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken.<br />Addendum: I am a pet owner and medical personell so feces and vomit doesn’t really bug me… Just kids.
Post # 23
I felt very “eh”…we were both on the fence. What really helped us decide was thinking about being in our 50s. would I regret not having kids? Once you have one, I don’t think your brain lets you really think “I regret doing this”.
I’m almost 28 weeks and still sorta, “what am I doing?!” but I am glad we will be a family.
Post # 24
I did not want to have a baby until I was 38. Like you, I never had those maternal urges or desire to have babies or be a mommy when I was younger. I always thought it wasn’t for me and I honestly thought I’d never have kids. I grew up in a large family and never felt I had to get married and have kids. I pursued other things in life that made me happy – education, career, travels, etc. I was with my husband for years and never felt the urge to have a baby. It finally hit me when I was 38…I looked at him one day and thought, “I have a wonderful life, a wonderful man, I’m with the person I love most in the world and want to spend my life with…why wouldn’t I want to have a child with him?” It was only then that I could see myself bringing a child into the world…I was finally ready. We started trying and I got pregnant right away. Our daughter is now 2 and the ligt of our lives. I look at her and wonder, “Where have you been all my life?” But I’m glad I waited. I was never ready when I was younger but now I can be a good mom and be there for her and give her everything she needs. And even if you never have kids, there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to have kids. As happy as I am with my child, I still support my friends who choose not to have children. Having kids is a lot of work so you have to really commit yourself 100% to being a parent. I guess you have to ask yourself if you would regret it if you looked back someday and wished you had had kids.
Post # 25
I’m 37 and have had ZERO biological clock my entire life. Ever. At all. Not even a touch of it.
BUT, talking to my fiance lately I know for whatever reasons I want to have his baby. He’s equally, if not more, excited about that someday. :^) It’s sweet.
Post # 26
Please check the date when thread was started and the last time someone posted. You’ve resurrected a LOT of zombie threads today. If the topic is still relevant then start a new thread but don’t resurrect ones long since dead!