Post # 1
So he asked me last night, and I said yes. We’re engaged! I’m trying to focus on the fact that we’re getting married and he is incredible. I love him so much, and I can’t wait to start our lives together as husband and wife.
But…I kinda rushed him into buying the ring. He wanted to save up more, but he bought the ring because I liked it, and it was a good deal on a good diamond.
Then I kinda rushed him into proposing. I had only been waiting for about a month…I guess I’m impatient. And he had a plan. A number of different plans actually. One involving my little brother (who was his accomplice the night he asked my for my parents’ blessing). Another involving the restaurant where we had our first date.
But after not talking about a proposal for weeks, I mentioned it a few times yesterday. So he poured his heart out while we were lying in bed, and he asked me. But I didn’t think he was serious, so I said it didn’t count. Could he please do it later? So we went out that night, and I knew he had the ring with him, so I expected it all night. When we finished dinner, he asked if I wanted to walk around the nearby lake, and I just knew. So when he asked me, I was giggling, not crying. And it didn’t even feel like we had gotten engaged.
What makes it worse is that I let him know this morning how mad I was at myself for rushing him, and I just kept talking. He ended up being very hurt (understandably). But I just hate myself for ruining his plans. I kept telling myself I didn’t want to rush him because I didn’t want him to abandon any plan he had and just do it…which is exactly what ended up happening.
We talked it through, and I felt a little better (albeit terrible for hurting him). But now…I still feel awful. I wasn’t even excited when I told my mom (I tried to be), and she responded in the same not-that-excited manner. Ugh…I ruined it all. I’m trying to focus on how grateful I am to have this incredible man in my life who is so patient with me. I’m trying to focus on the fact that he wants to marry me. But I’m having a really hard time.
Please don’t judge me for being ungrateful or selfish. I already pretty much hate myself. I just needed to get all this off my chest.
Post # 3
@kitkat2014: congrats on your engagement!
I totally understand the rushing, I’m a recovered mildly depressed waiting bee who was at one point rushing my SO…..only difference is that it didn’t happen as quickly for me lol. And I’m finally totally okay with that! But back to you lol!
Try not feel guilty. I mean, he DID propose. No amount of pressure can make someone do something that they do not want to do. If you are feeling like maybe you rushed him or the situation, perhaps you two can just take some time to really enjoy the engagment a bit before planning, so that it all has time to sink in.
Congrats again and good luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Poor guy can’t win! Just try and be happy that he proposed. End result acquired.
Post # 5
You can check out my story there, but from the other side of things! Honestly, it is a huge deal for both parties, and after reading a lot of responses here, I am feeling a bit better about it all. I think both the man and the woman build it up a lot in their mind, set a lot of expectations about what the other wants and how the other will do it, and then get let down when something goes wrong. You can look back on this and smile. It’ll be a funny story to tell. It sounds like something that is very “you and him”, so focus on that! My proposal was very “me” (awkward and bumbling), but maybe that is what makes it special?
It sounds like he wanted to make you happy, and that is what makes HIM happy. I mean, it is normal to be selfish about this sort of thing. Just try not to let it ruin the fact that you are now a FIANCEE!
Post # 6
Lol aw. Poor thing…well…whenever I think of crazy, pushy, engagement ruining waiting stories I always think of the scene in Bride Wars where Kate Hudson bombards her bf at his offices and forces the proposal (sorry for the movie spoiler everyone-it’s an old movie anyway). But it’s a happily ever after-your Fiance knows you better than anyone…and he wants to marry you anyway! Tell your Fiance how happy you are that you have someone who loves you and all your crazy, pushy, proposal rushing ways and you wouldn’t change him for anything in the world and you’re so grateful that he wouldn’t change you either. Buy him some candy, flowers or better, cheap tix to a baseball/basketball/hockey game and go have fun…something small, cute, and silly so you guys can laugh about your engagement story 🙂 Cheer up girl, you’re engaged to a great guy!
Post # 8
So when he asked me, I was giggling, not crying. And it didn’t even feel like we had gotten engaged.
First, congrats! You’re engaged!
Second, there is no rule that says you have to cry during the proposal. I know I did my fair share of giggling through mine! As for the not feeling engaged…well…it’s not like much changes! Do you have a ring? Are you going to plan a wedding now? Then you’re engaged! Enjoy it! These first few months of engagement are the best- giddy and excited, you get to start the crazy journey of wedding planning. It’s not stressful yet, you finally get to see your pinterest wedding board get real use, and you get to celebrate! Have fun with it! Soon you’ll be stressed over dress fittings and late RSVP cards, so relish the calm while it lasts!
Post # 9
@kitkat2014: You didn’t ruin it all! The best part is just starting 🙂 I kinda rushed my fiance a bit too… mostly because the ring I LOVED was on sale, and it was only in our budget at that price, and I was so paranoid the sale was going to end or someone else was going to buy it that I rushed him out the door to get it. So our proposal actually also ended up being lying in bed, funny enough, after he came back after finally buying it 🙂 At first I felt a little sad that I had kind of wrecked any possible surprise, but that feeling faded me for really fast as I got caught up in the happiness of telling all our friends and family and the celebrating. The proposal isn’t the point, the point is now you’re engaged and soon you’ll be married! I think when that fact sinks in a lot of the sadness will go too. Maybe you’ll feel better if you can jump into planning for an engagement party or celebrating with your girlfriends or something?
Post # 10
@kitkat2014: I think you just need to STOP TALKING and let your guy breathe. Just stop yammering and trying to explain yourself. I understand that you are trying to make the situation better but just give it a rest for a day or two. Please!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
@kitkat2014: Don’t be so hard on yourself – there are so many of us bees that are waiting and not saying anything is so hard! Let it be a lesson and move forward together. Maybe you can do something for him? Surprise him with some sort of elaborate grand gesture engagement present that makes up for ‘ruining’ his surprise proposal.
I think this might be a lesson to every waiting bee – YOU KNOW IT’S COMING. Stay quiet and let the boys plan and work their plans out.
It’s so hard to keep quiet and not put that pressure on them, but they know you you know it’s coming. They know you are anxious to start planning.
You know he’s going to do it. You know that it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen.
Talking about it just makes him doubt his plans.
Post # 12
Like a PP said no amount of pressure can make a man propose to you if he doesn’t want to. My SO says this all the time to . In fact it usually makes them do the opposite lol
I think he was just confused about how you wanted it. He WANTED to propose to you… you didn’t make him. But he thought you, like most girls, wanted an elaborate bended-knee grand gesture (which is what most guys think) then after more talking he got the impression that you wanted it to happen and it doesn’t matter HOW just SOON so he did it right away.
It may not have been the way either of you planned or imagined but it happened and both of you wanted it. That’s the important thing 🙂
Post # 13
@kitkat2014: It’s ok, just remind yourself that how the proposal happened is nowhere near as important as the man who did the proposing. You have a lifetime of moments coming up!
Post # 14
Thank you everyone! I’m actually feeling a lot better day. It feels silly to look back on the proposal now…it’s all about all the wonderful things to come. And everything is great with him now. We’re both very excited 🙂
Haha he actually jokingly said, “You have skills. You got the man and the ring in less than a year and a half!” I wasn’t trying to…I just can’t wait to marry him.
I love what you said about me being happy makes him happy. Because that is totally something he has said to me.
Yes! I am so grateful that he loves me through all my imperfections. And I really want to do something nice for him this weekend. Time to brainstorm…
Thank you for the advice. You’re right…being engaged doesn’t change how much we love each other or how we treat each other, and I probably should just savor the quiet calm I get to have right now.
Yeah, as I was talking to one of my friend’s about it yesterday, my perspective started to change and the happiness started to sink in. I’m excited to let everyone know 🙂
Post # 15
Both of your replies were very sweet. Thank you! 🙂 In the end, what does the proposal matter? It’s all about spending the rest of my life with the man I love.
Post # 16
Mine was lackluster as well!
It wasn’t rushed or pressured but came out of no where. Well, not no where.
Promise ring (tiny diamond 1/10th princess cut diamond) upgraded twice to over carat halo.
He never asked, no proposal, no down on one knee, no pouring is heart out.
1. Here’s your birthday present! (promise ring)
2. Here’s your graduation present! (6 mo’s later upgraded)
3. Here’s your birthday present (6 mo’s even later upgraded 1.2 halo)
Between 2 and 3 it needed to get resized which was what I thought since I lost weight and then I went to pick it up by myself he wasn’t even in town.
Incredulous that jewelers gave me this new big dream ring I called him and he said Happy birthday! You took it right? You’re wearing it? That means you said yes now you can’t say no or give it back!
That was the end of it.
So I was rushed through the proposal. It was a let down but kinda made me smile and laugh about it cause I was watching all these youtube videos of crazy insane months of planing proposals and he was so scared of my expectations lol.
All that matters is he wants to be with you forever, no proposal, wedding, or any of the extra fixings can matter more than a happy marriage and life together.