35 and ALONE – 9 year engagement ended

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

fluffy81 :  First of all GOOD FOR YOU for being SO BRAVE as to end something that was not giving you what you wanted.

I know it’s incredibly lonely on the other side, I’ve been there too (and lived to tell the tale!), but always remember this: You know what’s longer than 9 years and being 35? The rest of your life!!!

Get the books: “It’s called a break-up because it’s broken” by Greg Behrendt (same guy who wrote he’s just not that into you”

https://www.amazon.com/Its-Called-Breakup-Because-Broken-ebook/dp/B000FCKDIW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1486135254&sr=1-1&keywords=its+called+a+breakup+because+its+broken

and “Better single than sorry” by Jen Scheft (a bachelor contestant)

https://www.amazon.com/Better-Single-Than-Sorry-No-Regrets-ebook/dp/B000N0WTOM

Those 2 books saved me while I was drowning in lonliness after ending a 7 year dead end relationship at 31. I literally read them every single night, while I stayed at home alone feeling sorry for myself. (That only lasted about 6 months…..)

You don’t have to pressure yourself to ‘get out there’ before you’re ready. Try dipping your toe in online dating just to get the hang of meeting people again.

It will be ok. Not now… but one day!

And you probably need some feel goods….

 

🙂

 

Post # 17
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

fluffy81 :  sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely- but you did the right thing leaving a man who won’t commit. 

To meet people, take a night or evening course in a topic you love. I take silversmithing – but it could be anything – cooking, bowling, flower arranging. In class try talking to people – ask how they’re liking the class, wow, isn’t that weather terrible, I love your bracelet, etc… Then get together for coffee after class, or invite people over to your place. I like meeting people this way because we already have that one thing in common we both like. 

Another idea is to join a service community, go to church, find a group that serves homeless people meals, or knits blankets for babies in the hospital. There are so many great service groups that need volunteers. 

Yoi say you spend all your time at work – what about your work colleagues? Ask them out to coffee, or to your place on the weekend. This can be tricky – because you’re with these people all week, so sometimes you don’t want to be with your colleagues all the time. 

I hope you find some great new friends soon. Don’t worry about dating right now. When the time is right it will happen. 

Post # 19
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee

Please call 1-800-273-8255. You need help. You can’t do this alone, you need to talk to someone. There is no shame in feeling how you do, but please talk to someone immediately.

Post # 20
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii

Yes if you are feeling suicidal please call a suicide hotline! I will tell you that I have felt that way before over a breakup, I also lost weight and was severely depressed. I started therapy. It took a very long time but I got over it and felt better. Now I am happily married to the love of my life. You too will get through this and there are better things out there for you, but the first step is taking care of your mental health. I’m glad you saw a doctor and got pills but if you aren’t in regular therapy you should be. And feel free to private message me if you want to know more about my experiences. For now though, please call the hotline! 

Post # 21
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Please call the hotline as suggested above!! There is a way through this and you will find it!! You may not be able to see it but you really are still young and you have so many opportunities for happiness ahead of you. 

Post # 22
Member
10697 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

fluffy81 :  

Oh, honey.  It sounds as if you’re having a very rough time.  Depression feels just awful.  I hope you do call the hotline and get some support for yourself.  Talking about how you feel is important.

Post # 23
Member
428 posts
Helper bee

fluffy81 :  *hugs*

please please call the hotline.

short answer yes there is HOPE n u will find LOVE. 

If I could get over, anyone can – that’s how bad it was.

I have been there n I used cry day n night. I didn’t care about anything. Looking back if I could do 1 thing right it would be to seek help. I could have been better in few month or within a year because professional s are trained n they have dealt with these situations before. I am 35 n found love couple years ago. there is no timeline, everyone’s timeline is different. U will find someone who loves u n respects u. Angels are constantly working behind the scenes for u. 

Please do call the hotline asap.

*hugs*

Post # 24
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

fluffy81 :  please please please seek help! I was in a really toxic ~11 year relationship that ended when I was 26. Pretty soon after that, my oldest friend and I had a falling out, pretty much leaving me no friends in my city. 

By some miracle, within a month of the breakup, I randomly met a girl while out and about who completely turned my life inside out. She became one of my best friends, helping me boost my confidence enough to reconnect with old friends and get OUT there and start dating. Within 6 months I met my now Fiance and my life is just a million times better than it ever could have been had I stayed with my ex. My ex drove me to tears on a DAILY basis! In my current relationship (over 3.5 years now), I can pinpoint exactly 2 occaisions where I have cried, only one of them actually being because of him (other time was parents causing me wedding planning stress).

Please PLEASE get help! This too can be your story, or better yet – yours can be even more amazing. I saw someone suggested meetup – that’s a wonderful suggestion! Others suggested classes at your community college. – another great suggestion? Do you have any friends at work? My other best friend is someone I met at work, though she and I have oddly intertwined lives (she and I went to the same high school though we didn’t meet until I was 26, and her Future Sister-In-Law is one of my good friends from high school. Her brother also works with my FI). The biggest change you can make is being open to new friends and new adventures. You never know who the people you already know know! They could introduce you to your new best friend of the love of your life. There are so many wonderful possibilities for you. Please don’t give up

Post # 25
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

The fact that you’re writing on this board is per se a good sign. You’re screaming for help, so you’re looking for a way out, which is a first, remarkable step.

If you can afford it, I strongly recommend counseling. It helped me tremendously when I was feeling down because I was apparently unable to find my soulmate. For now, you should focus on getting better – so do something to lift up your spirits. Speak to someone, force yourself to get out of bed, consider getting a pet, have a short walk in the sunshine, do something you like. Set yourself some daily goals to stay afloat. 

When you’re feeling better you can regroup and think about men, but for now just take it one day at a time. Bad times come in waves, they hit you full force but then they go and you can start to breathe again.

Please please keep me updated. :*

Post # 26
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

Please call the hotline, there is nothing wrong with you seaking a voice on the other line, a connection. It is normal to feel depressed, take your medication and see that you are valuable and can make a future for yourself. 

Post # 27
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Yes there is hope for you and your life. I PROMISE you things will get better and your life will turn around. Right now is a low point. That’s OK. Right now, you need to get help. All of us need help at various points in our lives. We all get low, but this too shall pass. I know from experience. Your life is worth it, Bee.

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