(Closed) 3.5 yr relationship, recently engaged, signed a lease, and he wants out

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would pull a 360 on his ass and give him absolute silence.  This dude needs a serious wake up call.  The less he knows about what you are doing the better.  He can just see what it’s like without you.  And the faster you move on the better.

I think there is more to the story about this ho-worker of his.

Post # 4
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your plan seems well thought out. He needs to make his clear decision, which unfortunately i think he already has. 

Best of luck. And i’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. 

Post # 5
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry that I don’t have any good advice.  You sound very level-headed.  And, I absolutely think you have a good game plan in place.  *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It doesn’t sound like he will change his mind.

Is there a way to pay a fee to break the lease early? Maybe explain your situation? Or if you can transfer to a smaller, cheaper unit?

Post # 7
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@PristineJellybean:  I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. ((((hugs))) Let me just say that no matter what you do or say, you can’t convince anybody to stay where they don’t want to be if the want to leave.  You said that he is indecisive so you may just want to cut your lost now instead of marrying him only for him to do the same thing. 

Post # 8
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@deetroitwhat:  I’m usually not for passive aggressive behavior, but I agree with what she has to say. DONT talk to him. DONT give him the information he needs. He put himself in this mess so he can figure out how to get himself out. All I see is what you are doing to make sure he gets his wishes. What about you? I vote, dont go home tonight. Get a hotel, enjoy a spa night, stay with a friend, etc. Dont answer your phone or text him. No communication. 

Post # 9
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think you need to work on your own exit strategy so you can end things on your terms instead of leaving things in the hand of Mr. Wishy Washy. Do you really want to be with someone who makes huge commitments to you, only to pull the rug out from underneath of you a very short time later?

Post # 10
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

So sorry.  MD is very expensive for rent.  Get out of the lease, cut your losses, and find yourself an affordable apartment near your work- it will only help you!  Him wanting infatuation/lust instead of a steady, deep relationship is a big red flag.

Post # 11
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

He apparently likes being in the honeymoon phase.  I think he’s going to find out the hard way that real relationships aren’t rainbows and butterflies all the time.  Keeping the spark alive does take effort.  If he’s not willing to give it all he’s got to make it work, then I believe you’re better off.  I agree with previous posts… your plan sounds good as is.  Making a clean break will show him you’re not a toy to be played with. 

Post # 12
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I agree with @deetroitwhat. Tell him he can leave a check for the money at the apartment, and you need some space. You do not beg and plead a man who asked you to marry him a month ago and signed a lease with you to do anything.

Post # 13
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Echoing the detroitwhat response…  Get out and leave him to his wishy washiness.  You deserve better.

Post # 14
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

@PristineJellybean:  Sorry to read that he has put you in this horrible situation. I agree with pp’s who have said to give him what he wants and leave him to it.

Theres a saying “you don’t miss the water till the well runs dry”. Let him see how it is to be without you and how that changes his perspective. He sounds like he has taken you being there for granted.

 

Post # 15
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@PristineJellybean:  Oh gosh, I’m so sorry you’re going through this..!

The good news is that like PP’s had posted, sounds like you have a clear head and you know what you need right now.  I would absolutely not plead anymore with this man to stay with you.  In fact, you should not have to plead at all for someone to be with you.  🙁  A man should feel blessed to be in your presence and to have you as his woman!  If this man is “sick” of you after only 3.5 years, could you imagine being married to him for 10?  

This is a man who obviously is lost and does not know what he wants.  You should want to marry a man who is at the very least stable in his emotions.  It is not fair to you to always have to keep guessing if he is still in love with you or not.  

You have one life to live, and you deserve someone who treats you like a queen.. not someone who’s keeping you on the back burner.  Also, do not ever depend on anyone else but yourself, as the high divorce rate would indicate.  Best of luck to you.  I hope everything works out okay for you, doll.

Post # 16
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow this guy obviously does not care about your feelings AT ALL otherwise he wouldnt pop the question and sign a lease then back out.  I agree with detriotwhat let him figure this one out himself, hes been inconsiderate now its his turn to get a taste of it.  And also im very sorry this has happened to you 🙁 but its better now then down the line when you’re married. 

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