- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
You’re right that 38 is pretty damn old to not know if you want to be a father. Being a father is a full time job and a huge commitment. I would never want to have a child with a man who wasn’t completely 100% sure he wanted to be a dad. Your friend is wrong. Getting pregnant and just hoping he’ll decide to love the child and be parent is a terrible idea. That’s not how it works with most couples.
When my husband and I were in our 20s we said we didn’t want kids. Then in our early 30s some friends had a daughter. After that we both sort of thought ‘well if they can handle it so can we!’ At the same time my doctor told me to quit Birth control because I was getting severe migraines. I said ‘how about we try for 6 months.. if it happens then it’s meant to be?’ – and I got pregnant right away.
So – sometimes people do change their minds. Has he been around friends who have kids? Is there a reason he doesn’t want kids? In our case I think we just felt too young and irresponsible – but seeing friends our age do it have us confidence.
Before breaking up, have a serious conversation about reasons why he doesn’t want kids. Tell him you definitely do. Maybe he’s on the fence, but if he knows how much you want them it might convince him. After that you can make your decision
Maybe he is afriad he wont be a good father? Maybe he is worried he worried about being the only one with kids? There could be a lot of things making him feel this way, I wouldnt write him off until you have more than one conversation about it.
If kids are a dealbreaker for you then you might want to leave for greener pastures. If they are a maybe then stick it out. But I don’t agree with your friend that says “he’ll love em later.” Thats a gamble. He may resent you and the kids and leave. Not everyone wants to be a father. Nor should they.
To me his friends alone would be a red flag. I am child free by choice, I definitely do not want my own kids, but my friends are all in their 30s & 40s so naturally most of them have children…but maybe this is a difference between male & female friendship circles.
My husband is 38 and is still iffy on whether or not he wants kids. I’m the same, but I’m 26. Its entirely possible he still isn’t sure, but it sounds like you’re ready to be a mom, so this may not be the person for you.
And you can still have a family- sperm banks, adoption, surrogacy and fostering are all ways to create a family!!
Definitively move on. Stop making excuses for him and hoping that he will change his mind. You can meet someone wonderful tomorrow and be married next year, having kids right after/around that time. But none of this will happen if you tie yourself to this Peter Pan.
Well idk OP, 8 months ago you were TTC via IVF with your husband , 5 months ago you met this present guy… presumably you are still married to your husband, though I imagine you must have left him ( or he you ) in that three month gap ? And in the last 2 months you have had a miscarriage from an unplanned pregnancy with the present guy.
It just all sounds like a recipe for disaster to me unless you slow down a bit . I know time is not on your side re babies , but even so this is worryingly fast for your emotional health. Be careful. If you are OK with being a single mum, fine , but if not, well like I said. be careful.
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