(Closed) 3rd hand smoke? Telling grandparents no baby in their home? :(

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have never thought it! But when I have a child that will definitely be a consideration. Luckily, none of our immediate families smoke, but I would have to consider any possible sitters/friends, etc! I think it’s definitely important, and if his family doesn’t understand, that’s their ignorance and their loss.

Post # 3
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I believe it’s a big deal but putting together a packet for them might come off as offensive.  I’d just avoid or minimize contact and show them that “packet” if they want to sit and talk about it.

Post # 4
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I agree. Being given a whole packet about why “your house sucks, and isn’t good enough” is potentially harsh. (Not saying this is your intention, but it’s easy for someone to get this defensive– be prepared for that)

Just don’t take the baby over. Even if they come to your house to visit, they will still be wearing the clothes they smoked in. Will they not be allowed to see baby ever?

Post # 5
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would think they’d start to question why the baby can’t come over, though.

Post # 7
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t give them a packet unless they ask for it. Just voice to them that you do not wish to have your baby in a non smoke free environment. Your Baby, Your Rules

Post # 8
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Um, big deal yes, are you over doing it, YES! What about second hand smoke…. you gonna make a packet and pass it to people in walmart, the grocery store, the mall clerk, their sitter, teachers,pediatrician (how do you know if they actually smoke or not), ….. what I am trying to say is… yes, smoking is dangerous. I HATE TO SMELL IT nevertheless…. it could come off as extremely rude to give them a packet of we don’t want you to see our baby…. and this could cause problems with Your marriage, because you are insulting his parents in such an offensive manner.

All you have to do is talk with his parents… or have him talk with them (thats best). But they aren’t children and you don’t have to sit around and teach them like they are ignorant. I would be offended.

 

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If they reacted that way, then I would tell them simply “I’m sorry you feel that way, but this is my child and I want what i think is best for him. And I think being around smoke is harmful, so he won’t be coming to your house”

They can get as mad as they want,but when its all said and done, he is your child, and not theirs

Post # 10
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If you have already talked to them about, then I wouldn’t give them the packets. They know your stance and when baby comes just make sure you invite them over often.

Post # 13
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Sometimes you have to pick your battles. i know it’s your best interest to protect the little one when you can, but you can’t put your baby in a bubble. Especially if you want the baby to have a relationship with its grandparents. i’m not saying you’re making the wrong choice, but life has all kinds of health risks associated with being a human being coming into contact with things on a daily basis. You get to do the best you can with what you have because you’re its mother. Luckily you can control its environment 98% of the time. Visiting the grandparents every once in a while isn’t the worst thing in the universe, especially if they agree not to smoke in front of it.

Believe me, I get it about the 3rd hand smoke. My mother smokes a lot, and when I visit, I get sneezy and just feel gross after I leave her place, but her feelings would be hurt to no end if I made her change any time she came into my home. I don’t want to make her feel like a 3rd class citizen, you know? It’s a tough call, but go with what you’re most comfortable.

Post # 14
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Though we are nowhere near having a baby, Fiance and I have discussed this.  His parents are both HEAVY smokers (like one after another) and even as of now, it really bothers me and I can get migraines from the smoke.  Since we started becoming serious, his parents have put smokeaters and air purifiers on the side of the house we sleep in, and have stopped smoking as much in the car if I was around.

Then one day my Fiance mentioned that when we decided to have kids and I was pregnant we would be staying at his granmother’s house, rather than his parents during that time.  It wasn’t something I ever thought of, but I am glad to hear he thinks of these things!

I do know that his parents are really understanding, and know that it isn’t really healthy and will completely understand if we decided to not have our kids stay at their house. Maybe your FI’s family gets it, and will understand? I would suggest just talkng to them about it, and showing them the information only if they really don’t seem to understand!

Post # 15
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you are perfectly within your right as a parent to refuse to allow your child to go over to its grandparents house as the smoke residue will be everywhere.  I think you can also ask that the grandparents wash their hands before handling the baby – which is something ALL people should be doing, smoker or not.   I think you cross the line a bit when you ask them to change into a specific outfit at your house when they come to visit.  

As a soon-to-be mum myself, I know how easy it is to worry about things but I think babies are more resilient than their size implies.  If the baby is exposed to secondhand smoke on occasion when the grandparents come to visit, it’s not going to be hugely detrimental.  But personally, I would put my foot down at refusing to allow the baby to spend much (if any!) time at their house as that smoke residue will just be everywhere!  

Good luck!

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