- 6 years ago
I’m new here but guessing there are a million posts like this, but I just feel so crappy I needed to vent and wondered if anyone else feels like this and if so how you deal with it?
Ok so, me and my bf got together 4 and a half years ago, and have lived together for what will be a year in two weeks time. I’m 22 and my bf is 25.
I knew within a month that I wanted to marry him, it was like ok this guy is different from the rest and I want to be with him forever (I’m not the most feminine of creatures and never thought I’d want to get married) I said nothing though obviously as it would be a bit weird that soon. He told me a few months later he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me 🙂 but we carried on just going out and didn’t talk about getting engaged as it was so early on (but we kept saying we always want to be together. he has told me he is going to marry me several times since. At a festival we got drunk and I asked him when because i really want to. He said he would save for a ring but we should wait til we got our own place first. I was so excited. A year and a half later we brought our home together which was last February and it’s been great, even better than I thought. We get on so well, never really argue and love spending time together/love all the same things and he does so many nice little things for me around the house which I love And try to reciprocate. I love his family and they like me.
All this time, the want to be engaged was building up inside me and it was annoying me that he hadn’t done it. It made me resentful and hurt and confused. I had been feeling this way for about a year and a half, pushing two years when in November I finally exploded and asked him flat out. Trouble is, I’m terrible at communicating unless I write things down, so I was doomed from the start. He didn’t remember our festival conversation so hadn’t saved at all and didn’t even know that was how I felt. I cried almost immediately as I was so crushed. i felt like I’d been winded. I said about not wanting to pressure him but could we think about it. He said we need to spend the money sorting the house out (we brought a dump of a house and he is a plumber/gas engineer so can do it up) i can see his point but felt crap as it now means I’m going to be waiting sooo long. I have no idea how long that will take. And because I was so nervous of asking and upset by the response I forgot to ask him what his idea of a time frame was!! And after I’d made such an arse of myself I didn’t really want to bring it up again.
i felt better immediately after getting it off my chest but now I am sitting here feeling bad again because I just don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening in my future. I feel bad because i feel like I’ve put pressure on him and I never wanted to be one of those girls. I wanted him to want to marry me. I don’t want to bring it up again because I don’t want to nag, I don’t want to make a tit of myself again but at the same time I want to know 🙁 I’ve cried about it every day on the way home from work before he sees me and I’m crying again writing this now. I’m going insane.
our friends are getting engaged and it hurts each time hearing about theirs (even though I’m happy for them) then having to go through “aww I’m sure you’ll be next” or “when is he going to propose?” Im not jealous, just sad. And hurt. Im not the fittest girl or the most amazing girlfriend all the time, but I try. I’m loyal and faithful and don’t mind him playing games (got him PS4 for Xmas) and I cook him dinner every night and send him to work with a packed lunch everyday. It hurts that some of my friends treat their bfs like shit and they are all engaged After a shorter amount of time than we have been together. I wonder if I might have been naive. If he is just telling me what I want to hear to keep me. It’s making me wonder what is wrong with me 🙁
I don’t believe he would do that to me and I believe it will happen eventually. I just can’t bear the thought of it being another 5 years or something before we are even engaged. I want my grandparents at my wedding and they aren’t getting any younger. I want to look nice in my wedding photos. I want to know that he means what he says. I don’t want to do an ultimatum or keep dropping hints as I would never want to know someone only married me because I wouldn’t shut up about it, but man he is taking his time and it’s hurting me, like proper physical heartache and it’s so out of character for me to feel like this. I’m normally really chirpy and I just need some love and words of wisdom to get me through it. I just can’t understand why, if I want to and he wants to, he hasn’t? I’ve made it clear I don’t want a crazy ring or a ridiculous proposal. A cheap £100 ring would be enough for me, its the sentiment & commitment I want. Arghh