whenwillhepropose : OP, I have some sympathy for you because you sound like my friend who does stuff like you described in your post. She jumps and makes impulsive decisions in her life that aren’t well thought through and then ends up having to deal with the fall out from those choices (including deliberately getting pregnant when any amount of pausing to think would have told her that her timing and current circumstances didn’t support the choice).
To be uncomfortably blunt- you are not marriage material. I would caution any man in my life against marrying someone like you have described yourself to be. I would not marry you, based on how you have described yourself, nor would I put your name on any property I purchased. You could be perfectly lovely and wonderfully loyal, but you, under current circumstances, do not sound like someone to grow with. You sound like someone to struggle with, and I’m not interested in a marriage made of struggle.
Your lack of financial acumen is not insurmountable, but your casual dismissal of how serious it is for you to be a close to middle aged woman with a small child and no financial skills and no idea of the financial reality of your home and relationship is unacceptable.
In your shoes, I would stop focusing on marriage and start using this time as a training to prepare you to live on your own (if you need to). You should be with your partner because you love him and want to build with him. Not because you are incapable of survival on your own. That is not a good look.
Let him know that you want to learn how the household finances work. Ask him to teach you (and also start taking classes on your own). I started studying women and finance on my own 15 years ago because I was sick of being scared of my bills and avoiding looking at or even thinking about my money. But it was watching how my husband (and others around me who were good with money) actually managed their money (plus talking to them and asking questions) that actually taught me how to apply those lessons. Now I coach others to overcome their money management fears. It is absolutely doable and, with a child (especially a daughter) dependent on you and watching the choices you make in life, you need to make addressing this a priority.
Here are some resources you can start looking into:
Sugar Mama TV on YouTube
Prince Charming isn’t Coming (book)
Barbara Stanny’s books and teachings
Sarah McCrum (website and classes)
Tiffany Aliche, the Budgetnista
wife.org (their tagline is “A man is not a plan”)
Good luck. I hope you will keep us updated on your progress.
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