(Closed) 4 and a half years and no proposal?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3727 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Have you actually asked him where he sees himself in the next few years? If you’re still in college he may want to wait until you finish completely and both of you have stable jobs.  That’s not an unrealistic expectation. You’ll never know until you ask. 

Post # 3
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

happilyeverafteroneday:  It may have something to do with  the fact that you are still in college.

Have the two of you ever had an actual conversation about where you see yourselves and your relationship in 1 year; 2 years; 5 years etc? Discussed a timeline?

Post # 4
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

FutureMrsBex:  Agreed.  I don’t understand a lot of the posts on here because a lot of women simply don’t just talk about it.  Why is it up to him to make it happen?

Post # 8
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

After eight months of dating he said he could see you two being married soon.

Since then, nothing. 

Being quiet about it for the past three and a half years hasn’t changed the situation. So I would speak up. 

I think there are two reasons why you two aren’t married or engaged by now.

 

One, you’re living together so he’s getting all the benefits of marriage without having to make the effort and the commitment.

 

Two, you’re not being direct enough with him. You haven’t talked about it in a direct way.
“That would be cute for our wedding one day” is a hint. I’m not talking about hints or beating around the bush when you mention friends who are getting married. When he says “I feel like we’re already married,”  you need to stop being quiet and letting it slide. You need to take that ball and run with it. I’m talking about sitting him down, looking him in the eye and having a direct conversation in plain language. “Honey, I love you more than anything but I don’t want us to be boyfriend/girlfriend forever, and I want us to be legally married eventually. Where do you see this relationship going? What are your thoughts on the subject?” And tell him what you want so you can hear his opinion and hopefully establish a timeline.

Don’t accept “I feel like we’re already married” for an answer. That’s B.S.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

We were together for 7.5yrs before we got engaged and part of the reason why is because I went back to college as well. My Fiance didn’t want a super long engagement so he waited until I was closer to finishing before popping the question.

So he could be waiting until you’re finished and back working? Or maybe he’s saving for the ring on the sly so it is more of a surprise? Maybe he’s just not in a rush? Who really knows what goes on in their heads, men are enigmas! 😉 I think realistically you need to sit down together and honestly discuss what you want your plans to be over the next few years so both your expectations can be met.

Post # 10
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

happilyeverafteroneday:  Time to have a direct chat about it again and stop with the oblique references.  You can broach the subject in terms of planning for after you have finished college.

Post # 11
Member
6630 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I had to wait just over 8 years – he finished college, we moved nearer to each other, then into the same location.  He needed a very, very big push to get going.  If you haven’t even discussed it – and I mean really discussed, not hinting, then he’s going to need that help.  As PPs said, he’s happy enough as it is and you haven’t really said anything, so why should things change?  Be sure not to pick a fight though, just tell him it’s time for you guys to discuss your long-term plans and make a timeline for life.

Post # 14
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

There’s nothing wrong with having a direct conversation about something that will impact your life! I recently got engaged after 4 1/2 years. We started having real conversations about marriage (not, ‘oh that would be cute at our wedding’ comments) maybe a year ago. I am also still in school (Grad school). For us, it usually helps to have more serious conversation when we have a glass or two of wine/beer in our systems and we’re out to eat  Idk why, but it’s easier to have tougher, maybe more scary convos about big things like marriage or kids when it’s a more romantic setting. And a glass of vino takes the edge off! I would recommend simply asking what his timeline is. If he sees marriage in his future (As you said he does) just have a conversation about where both of you are, and what you want. 

Post # 15
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

How old are you? I think this matters just because if you’re both 19, it’s not unusual to want to wait longer (you said you’re still in college so I assume you could be anywhere from 17-30+). If you’re 35, it’s a little different.

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