4 hour gap between ceremony and reception okay to skip ceremony?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
7432 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s rude of you to skip the ceremony, but it was also rude of them to plan in such a way that really inconveniences the guests.

If the wedding is near a major airport, you may be able to get  a “day use” room at a hotel. Those usually cost about 1/3 to 1/2 of the nightly rate. You get a proper hotel room between approx. 9 and 5. You could go for a swim, hit the gym, or take a nice nap and still be able to shower and freshen before the wedding.

For brides planning their own weddings, let this be an example of why gaps suck.

Post # 17
Member
7020 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What they are doing is rude. You not being able to attend both is not rude. A 4h gap? Fuck that noise. 

If they can’t be bothered to host properly that is their own problem. 

Post # 18
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, I’d skip. We’ve skipped ceremonies in this situation. I don’t think it’s really practical to putz around in a cocktail dress & my husband in a suit when it’s 90 outside for 4 hours. An hour is okay to kill at a bar, but not 4. 

i think its shitty when people only host you for certain pockets of the day. Like they want your attendance from 1-2, but then you’re on your own from 2-6 and they’ll start hosting you again at 6pm. If they want to get married so early, then host a small luncheon reception or something for a few hours in the afternoon to give guests something to do. 

Post # 19
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

FWIW- we have a New Year’s Eve wedding this year with an 11:00 mass and 8:00 pm reception time. EIGHT HOUR GAP!! And it’s not like it’s easy to just walk into a bar on NYE. Around us everything fills up with reservations. We live 90 minutes away so I guess we will just go home in between but it’s annoying. It’s a very close friend, so we feel like we have to show up at the ceremony. 

Post # 20
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think it’s rude of them to have a long gap. But I also don’t think it’s rude for you to skip the ceremony. To all the comments saying the hosts are rude, I mean, how can you judge so quickly? I’m sure most people would prefer not to have a gap but sometimes things just work out that way and there’s not much control they can have over it.

As a guest, you have every right to go to what you want to go to. I don’t think it’s rude to just go to reception if there’s a 4 hour and you have a long drive. Since you say the bride/groom is an old friend of yours, I’m sure they will be understanding and will just be happy to have you there that day 🙂

Post # 21
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

But why? 4 hours is ridiculous. Nope.

Post # 22
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

ugh I hate gaps. 

went to one with a three hour gap. we needed up going to the movies in the middle of the day in our cocktail attire. it was school Holidays and there were a whole heap of screaming children were there… ick

Post # 23
Member
7432 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

hermionepadme :  “I’m sure most people would prefer not to have a gap but sometimes things just work out that way and there’s not much control they can have over it.”

The people planning the event have 100% control over whether there is a gap or not. They are always able to choose a different venue(s) that can accommodate their guests without a gap. there is no “it just worked out this way” when there are contracts and planning involved.

Post # 24
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee

The gap can happen for religious reasons.  Catholics are generally supposed to get married at their parish, for instance, but the parish might not be located near any venues that make much sense, or the ceremony might have to be weirdly timed relative to venue availabiltiy, etc. 4 hours is a bit much, though. 

I don’t think it’s rude to skip the ceremony. I’ve been to a couple Friday weddings where a lot of people skipped the ceremony because they just couldn’t get out of work in time. Personally I usually find the ceremony pretty dull anyway, esp. when the couple isn’t wearing a mic so you can’t hear anything they say and you’re just watching people stand and move their mouths around for 30mins. 

Post # 25
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Yes, I’ve seen it called the “Catholic Gap” for this reason. Catholic churches, because of Saturday vigil services that can start as early as 4 PM (typically 5 PM though) are restricted on when wedding masses can be held. The latest time you could have one at my home parish was 1 PM in order to allow for pictures and stragglers to leave before pre-vigil mass Confessions began at 3:30. And there aren’t too many venues that would let you start your reception at 3 in the afternoon- they’re typically designed for 6 or later. 

Post # 26
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would think it was rude, but I also would never ask my guests to wait four hours. I think you’d be okay in this situation. A four hour gap, that is crazy!

Post # 27
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t live in an area with many Catholics but from afar I’ve observed, the full mass ceremonies are not very well attended (other than family, bridal party, & Catholic guests) and that’s kind of expected.  I had heard the first Catholic wedding I attended was supposed to be huge (like 400+ guests) and there were less than 200 at the church.  But everyone showed up for the reception! 

 

My vote is not rude to skip the ceremony as they are probably expecting many guests to only attend the reception.  

Post # 28
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Four hours is way too long imo and inconsiderate of the couple who planned it. Also, considering you have a decent drive I would skip the ceremony so you can leave a little later and attend the reception only.

Post # 29
Member
6828 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

curiouscat2017 :  But the reason it still doesn’t make sense is because the reception is still up to the couple. THEY are the ones choosing to still have an evening reception even though the only ceremony possibility is noon (or whatever).

So it doesn’t just happen that way. It takes planning.

bayoubee :  

Post # 30
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

llevinso :  yes, but really your guest prefer there is wedding breakfast and no nightime party? Truly?

The tradition where I am from is there is a ceremony in the late morning and then after that there is the party in the evening. This is because of a requirement from olden days in the church that you fast until the ceremony. The devout still keep this. My sister had a breakfast, or more of “lunch” is what you would say, and it was frowned on. It was thought her guests prefer to have more dancing and drinking and dress up to go out at night. Instead they had to sit at the reception in modest church clothes, dance awkwardly in daylight, very proper and upright, and drink coffee and a little champagne.

I thought it was nice, but some assumed it was to save money, and offered to pay money for it to be at night.  Our father is  too proud for this, it was embarassing for them. The thought from them was it is kinder thing if she could afford it to do an evening “bash” that guests enjoy. But under no circumstance would the ceremony be later. 

This is interesting. I guess, don’t you have things you must see to in between? Do you want to go to a dance wearing church clothes? Our mothers sometimes they want to cook, or another tradition is to go to the newlyweds house and make it ready for them. When would this happen if the wedding is only half a day? 

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