Wow, so many responses…I didnt expect so many. Im going to make a general response and try to answer most of the questions and respond to things you ladies have said. First though, thank you for the support. I really appreciate some understanding and the desire to puch him….funny.
As for my depression and such, I have recognized what is going on and have made a Dr. appointment. I do plan on getting back on anti depressants…..I realize that they help. They help me deal with stressfull situations better, and to be honest….Im less apt to be easily hurt or overwhelmed when something big happens. Between the near loss of m brother and trying to plan a wedding (which my husband I I fought about a lot) I went into a downward spiral. I was so stressed and I gained a lot of weight which sent me into a much deeper depression.
Ladies….I have a hard time living with myself….Im not sure I make it easy on him either…..but I do need some compassion….the fact that dont get that from him makes me feel worse. So yes in that he is…..the back side of a mule.
Yes, by medical standards I have hit “obese” The photo in my avatar is of me 2 years ago….very healthy, very happy. Now I basically hide from the world. This means I avoid family gatherings, social outings and family vacations. This has impacted my relationship with my husband in a HUGE way. Not to mention there is no intimacy…Im too disgusted with myself.
See while my husband has no empathy and is not very understanding and has only so much patience for letting me be this way and making myself and in turn him/us as a couple absolutly miserable….I do play a huge part in this.
I talked to him tonight and he said the housework is only part of it……he claims it is my unhappiness that affects him the most. He says Im magnifying the housework thing….I may be, but to me its an issue because he does bring it up. The fact is, my job is physical and he works an office job…Im not sure he understands how hard it can be sometimes.
He is not emotional, he is not too outwardly loving, and he has a no bull$hit attitude for the most part. He is a very resposible guy in life…..good job, highly motivated in his career, perfect credit, owns a home, straight and narrow as they come.
He is very thoughtful though….he cooks every night, it helps that he enjoys it, but that is a bonus in a guy. He does “little things” all the time to show his affection….things like flowers, buys my fav magazine or a new book when he sees something he thinks I will like.
Im saying this not to defend him, and not to make him excuses, because in all honesty, there is no excuse for some of these things he says, I just dont want to portray him as a total tool.
He says his intolerance of my issues with work are because it is not an occassional thing……its a constant. Fine. I understand I should do something about it if there are problems at work,,,,,but yes, easier said than done to find another job right now.
He is saying that the problem is that this is a cycle we go through. It seems to repeat itself every year and a half and he is not willing to see me do what i do to gat myself together and happy and healthy again to just let the cycle repeat itself……and that history says it will. So he isnt sure he wants to risk it.
I dont want a divorce….I want to be happy.