Post # 47
@K_alecia: I haven’t read the comments but OH MY GOD your husband sounds horrible! I hope you realize that you are not the problem here. Sure, it sucks that you are depressed right now, but your husband a) has no right to expect you to do all the housework (wtf–does he not have two hands and eyesight? If he does, he can damn well pick up around the house if he wants it to be clean), b) is being emotionally abusive to you by constantly telling you you are not doing enough, are not pretty enough, and making it seem like it is all your fault! It’s not! He’s an asshole!, and c) YOU should be asking him for a divorce. His behavior is unacceptable and you deserve so much more! I’m not surprised that you were happier when you two were apart!
In short: I am so sorry your life is difficult right now, but please see a counselor and stop blaming yourself for this!
Post # 48
@mckernea – he does help with the house sometimes. but what he wants and I for the most part agreed to was that i would do the house chores because he cooks everynight. The problem became me coming home exhausted and doing almost nothing….my job has bee described in my post its pretty physical. Im pretty lucky he likes to cook because i could not imagine doing it all ot trying.
But yes he is an ass for not being more understanding. He has the attitude of : You do what you have to no matter how you feel. He does this and expects the same of me. I however do not feel like this. I feel like housework can always be done the next day or even the the next. Now Im not saying dishes shoud be left in the sink for days on end….Im not dirty.
as for being pretty enough – thats not the issue. He thinks im beautiful. Im the one with the percieved ugly/fat issues. He simply has the attitude of : Well if this is what weight gain does to you…you need to do something about it because I cant handle a constantly depressed wife who isnt willing to go out, be social with family and friends and skips the family vacation every year becuase she wont wear a bathing suit.
Is his behavior unacceptable? Yes. Even with those clafifications that I hope makes him less of a monster and just more of an ass with very little empathy.
But, as I said…..I think I got through to him last night. In the end we want the same thing. I just have some issues to work through to make it happen and when i get good and on that road and feel a little better we will be heading to counseling so that we can begin to work on him because if this ever happens again im afraid we wont make it through the next time.
Well to the bees as a whole: ladies, last night hubby came home and he was affectionate and just plain nice. Im hoping we keep on this path.
Post # 49
That sounds great, and I am happy for you. <3
Post # 50
I read everything, and it’s good to read things are taking a turn for the positive.
Just one more concept that I hope will help, that I learned along the way (this comment made me worry “He has no faith left though”)
A marriage needs love; but more so a marriage needs respect to work. So much of marriages in different cultures and in our past were not build around love to begin with, but love developed because both parties respected one another.
Just make sure in your healing process that you make sure he has respect for you, and that you respect yourself.
Post # 51
I am so very sorry that you are suffering – this situation is heartbreaking. I know how you feel about weight, I’ve had those issues in the past. Happy to say now I’m a healthy woman 5’5 and 125 pounds. I know how it feels and how depressed self-image issues can upset your life.
All that said, this man sounds so insensitive, selflish and certainly not good for someone who has self-esteem issues. I am glad you’re going to therapy and I hope you can make a decision soon. I really think you should consider leaving this man PRONTO. I would run in the other direction so fast his head would swim and he can go play with his mama.
I don’t like how you’re being treated here…you deserve so much more. We all deserve respect and love.
Please keep us updated!
Post # 52
Dr. Appt tomorrow morning….8:30. I cant wait. Im anxious to get started on felling better/healthy.
Post # 53
I’ve suffered from depression for years and I’m so glad you have that appointment tomorrow! And glad that the doctors where you are are actually helpful- when I was in the ER for being suicidal no one could get me in for 2 months, but that’s another story.
I hope things start looking up for you and that you can work through your depression and your marriage. Your husband needs to be supportive and I hope you did reach him!
Post # 54
I agree with everything she said.
This seems like a toxic situation for you. :/ I’m so sorry you have to go through this. *hugs*
Post # 55
Dr. appointment went well today.I reveived a prescription for depression meds.
My blood pressure this morning was 180/100. I was also put on blood pressure meds/
I texted my husband about my blood pressure and he responded wth: WTF….that is not good love.
I think he bacame aware that my health problems are real and dangerous. I came home to a bouquet of a dozen red roses and a note about him beng happy I went to the DR. to get better.
Im not sure what is going on in his head but I will take the nicer more concerned behavior.
I came home and he was very concerned about the blood pressure. Something about that putting me at risk for a stroke. I heard that from the nurse today too so I guess its good it was taken care of, I had a headache all day….im prone to migraines and headaches. Dr said those could also be because of the blood pressure,
Here is to hoping to to a return to feeling better, healthy and normal….then to some weight loss. I can not exercise at the moment…..the blood pressure is too high, but the dr said in just a few days it should start working.
Thank you Bees. This is the place i came for support when i needed it most and it really really did help.