(Closed) 4 siblings, NO cards, NO gifts?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I just wanted to say I hope you don’t get any heat over this post.  If anyone wants to say “You shouldn’t care about gifts because that’s selfish blah blah blah” isn’t living in the real world.  I TOTALLY understand where you’re coming from and I would be pissed too!  How selfish of THEM to not even give you a card!  I mean they sell for 99 cents now, so there REALLY is no excuse!  What terrible manners!  Sure to leave a sour taste in your mouth, and I’m sure his siblings will be holding out their hands whenever (IF ever???) they get married!  UGH!  I’m mad FOR you!  Maybe by then you’ll have kids and you’ll be able to bring an extra guest or two to their weddings, teehee.

Post # 4
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Some people are really just clueless. I wonder if you Mother-In-Law said something to the other siblings?? At least a card to wish you both well would have been nice. As hard as it is to do, I would just let it die. Who knows, they may still be planning on getting you something. I would wait it out and see!

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. That’s incredibly ridiculous. Very tacky. They have no manners and I’m sure your Mother-In-Law will get on their case about it. I understand being poor and whatnot but it’s your SIBLING….c’mon now. Give a nice card, congrats, if anything, a bottle of champagne or something with a nice congrats card. But absolutely nothing? Gah. Unbelievable

Post # 6
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with both of the above posters – that is really lacking in thought and empathy.

 

That being said, I would let it go.  It would totally offend me as well, but honestly, maybe they are completely socially clueless.  I would hope their mom would talk to them about it and that they would learn a huge lesson.  If they didn’t…then it sucks to be them, because they are just so thoughtless.  But, they are family now, so I guess my best advice would be to try to put your anger aside, and lower your expectations of them for future big events in your life. ๐Ÿ™  I’m sorry that happened to you!

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s unbelievable. I feel terrible for your hubby. He must be embarassed and, I imagine, sad that his siblings couldn’t get themselves pulled together enough to buy you guys a card even. That’s awful. I can’t imagine if my sister or Future Brother-In-Law did that to us. I’m so sorry, you guys must be really hurt and confused.

Post # 8
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ug! Yuck, that stinks. I totally understand where you’re coming from. Do people just not realize how big of a deal a wedding is to a couple? Something that should be congratulated!

I agree that you should just let it go though. It will eat at you forever if you don’t and you don’t want to do that. I also think you should just go ahead and give gifts the way you think is appropriate. It shouldn’t be about who did what for whom. Despite what his sis did to you two, you shouldn’t do it back to her. That’s just playing the same game. Be gracious and wonderful, they’ll take note. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sorry, that stinks!

Congratulations on getting married though. ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 9
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ugh! I think it’s so rude to not bring *anything* to a wedding. It’s not about being greedy at all, like you said, a card with good wishes would have been enough if they can’t afford anything.

Maybe, just maybe, they are planning something special for you guys? although I won’t hold my breath…and that still wouldn’t explain the lack of a card.

If they remain clueless, don’t hold a grudge but also don’t get them anything! (except a card I guess).

I know what mtnshine is saying about taking the high road etc, but frankly I think it’s a waste of time. Unless the siblings are young and inexperienced, this just shows they don’t care, and it’s a waste of time (as well as really unpleasant) to give to someone that only takes. I would be nice to them in person and go the extra mile by giving them cards, but not waste money on gifts.

Post # 10
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel ya…my own sister didn’t give us a card or gift for our wedding. ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Ok, I have to be the voice on the other side.  None of my siblings giave cards or gifts and I was not mortified or embarassed.  They helped a lot with the wedding, so maybe that’s why.  I know they had fun and I know they’re happy for us, I’m not sure what a card would add to that.  I’ve seen this a few times on here about just wanting a card, but I just don’t understand that, why would I want a card, I donno they just seem very impersonal to me, but then again I rarely put a card on a gift, guess I just don’t like cards. 

Post # 12
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Guests still have up to 1 year to send a gift for a wedding so you never know.  But yes it is very rude, I would never ever show up at a wedding empty handed, not even a birthday party or any kind of celebration, but thats just me

Post # 13
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

troubled, I think the reason a lot of people like cards is because you can keep a physical record of the good wishes of your loved ones, put it in an album, view it years later etc. You can look at the card and remember your great relationship…especially if someone passes away, having physical reminders can be comforting.

I mean, you can say that about anything – why give cards on any occasion? Because it’s still nice to get it in writing, just like it’s nice to receive a letter, or an invitation to a wedding instead of a text or email…there are a lot of sentimental people out there! (:

Of course if a card just says “best wishes” then it’s not very special, but if it’s a heartfelt note it can be a very good memento. 

Post # 14
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

None of my sisters (4 sisters) or their dates gave us presents or cards for our wedding.  Sigh.  Unfortunately, I was not surprised… 

Post # 15
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with yes wholeheartedly!  I’ve kept every card from our wedding in a momento box.  It’s nice to open it and remember the people who were there for you on your big day!  Re-reading them makes me smile.  I keep cards from a lot of occasions, if they’re handwritten and have a sweet message.  The generic reply cards get tossed though.  (Who wants to read a card that is merely signed??)

Post # 16
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My siblings and I don’t do cards or gifts for weddings. lol. I don’t know I guess we’re weird and I never gave it a second thought until I read this thread.

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