(Closed) 4 weeks out and FILs say no alcohol

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow, I guess I know how you feel.  My parents threatened not to come to my reception if we had alcohol!! For them, they also do not believe in drinking.  This was a very difficult issue with me and my Fiance. I wanted alcohol and my Fiance said we are definitely having it, and my parents eventually came around.

What I did is explain that, like you said, we like to have wine with dinner or some drinks out, but the point is not to get black-out drunk, just adds liveliness to the party. This is really hard in your situation as you are on their property.  I think you guys should take out some kind of general liability insurance and explain that you would not have had it there in the first place if they had known!! Be firm in what you want and good luck.

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I feel for you!!! If I had to have a dry reception I would not be happy. But, maybe you can go to a bar afterwards with everyone who still wants to party and just have everyone pay for their own drinks? I think people assume if you are going to a bar that they will have to pay their own way anyways. And really if they are your friends they will understand. Just a thought. I know it doesn’t really fix the problem that you want to provide your guests and yourselves with a few drinks on your big day…but maybe it is a compromise to avoid a huge blow out. Oh and a side not YOU ARE IN NO WAY A BRIDEZILLA FOR THIS! Its insane for them to throw this on you the last minute, maybe you would have made other plans if you would have known this was going to be the situtation so lets yourself off the hook for that. I hope it all works out!

Post # 6
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I feel for you but your wedding doesn’t have to be ruined by it.  Have your conversation w/ FI’s grandparents and explain its just wine w/ dinner.  All attending are responsible adults and have been informed that only wine w/ be served w/ dinner and champagne during toasts.  If they are still against it, indicate your displeasure and let it go.  Your getting married.   It will be a wonderful and joyous event w/ or w/out alcohol.  

I know its upsetting but don’t let them ruin your day.  You can always end the reception early to start your afterparty.

Also talk to the Fiance later(after the wedding) about the whole situation.  Just explain why it would’ve been better to be a united front. 

Good Luck!!!!! 

 

Post # 7
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First–I am really sorry you are going through this. I think Grandma knows damn well it was never discussed and is using old age as an excuse.  Do you have any influence as to which nursing home she will go in to?  Because she needs to go soon.  I would like to comfort you, but honestly your Future In-Laws are assholes for doing this to you.  All of them.

I really wish I had some solid advice.  If you don’t have alcohol at the reception, just plan on it ending early (and it will–probably within an hour or two) and spending that money at an after party. The after party may end up being your reception.

If you pull the plug on the reception at their property, is there a reasonable alternative?  If so, I would highly recommend it.

Post # 10
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Could you tell them that if you don’t serve drinks, your guests are going to get wind of it and bring their own – which means more likely hard liquor than wine and beer?

I know that if we were having a dry wedding (which wasn’t ever on the table, but as a hypothetical), our friends and family would be bringing in the flasks, smuggling in the bottles, taking nalgenes full of beverages…

ETA: bottles, not bodies!  well that was an interesting typo.  But it does seem like his relatives have an extreme position which is very different from most of the people you’re inviting.

Post # 11
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Amaryllis: Ironically, I’m kinda drunk right now after being at a dry wedding this afternoon…Seriously, I am really upset for you–you’ve been on this site as long as me. You’ve always been a straight forward and honest post-er.  I highly doubt you are a bridezilla who is making a mountain out of a mole-hill.

So…I would do exactly what you said you are going to do to keep the peace.  Have your ceremony and reception there.  It doesn’t make them right, but you have researched the alternatives and you have to live with it.

Plan an after party somewhere else.  Financially, it should work out pretty much the same, even if you have to make some formal arrangements with said location to set a limit.  If one of my friends were in the same situation, I would totally understand.  People who love you will support you.

Do NOT let this put a bitter pill in your mouth about your wedding.  Trust me, your after party will be just as much fun.  A miserable bride equals miserable wedding.  You will still have a beautiful day and I can’t wait to see your pictures.  A bitter pill about your in-laws?  Well, they may rarely see their grandchildren and their nursing home will SUCK!!  Paybacks are a bitch–enough said!

It might not be exactly what you envisioned, but it will be wonderful–I promise!

Post # 12
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m not usually one of those “it’s your day” people who give out licenses to be bratty, but this is definitely a time where I would say stick to your guns! Alcohol at weddings is such a polarizing issue and it just doesn’t need to be. I would take a total no comprimise stance if I were you. Stress how very insulted you are that they are insinuating you as an adult cannot make your own decisions and cannot provide entertainment to your guests as you see fit. Be firm. And let them know that they can insist there be no alcohol and you will abide by that because they backed you into a corner at the last minute and you have no other option, but that you will forever remember their disrespect to you on your wedding day. That’s no way to start out life as a new family. I think if you frame it seriously enough and your Fiance acts like a husband and backs you up they’ll get the idea. 

Post # 13
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you have to deal with this dear… I’d probably tell them it’s my way or the highway, cancel the whole thing & elope if they insisted on no alcohol.  What’s funny is.. I don’t even drink.. but I am stubborn when it comes to the things I want.  It’s you & your FI’s day, and if you want & can afford to have alcohol, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.  I think it’s sad that they get to decided what will or won’t happen on YOUR wedding day.

If you do end up not having alcohol just to keep the peace, I definitely understand… it’s a tough situation and I’m sorry you’re going through it.

Post # 14
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

ugh, that really sucks. 🙁  it IS their farm, so I guess they get final say (can I suggest telling certain friends who wouldn’t have a problem with smuggling in the booze anyway???) but for your Fiance to take their side AFTER you said if it was “no alcohol allowed” you’d go elsewhere is WRONG.  He shouldn’t be relenting AFTER you two discussed it and came to that agreement.  (I’d kinda be wondering what ELSE he’d do this with…. especially if/when kids are brought into the picture…)

I’m sooooo sorry you’ve gotta deal with this! Talk about a sucky situation!  (I’m still on the “smuggle in what you want by way of friends” side of things but that’s just ’cause I’d be wanting to do it to spite them….;) I know, I know, bad idea….)

 

Post # 15
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am sorry that you have been hit with this at the last minute, I have been hit with a few issues so I know how it feels.

Can you offer to rent passenger vans to get everyone to a from the reception?  We are doing this as we are having our wedding far away and at a very heavily monitored time for our home town.  That would negate the whole liability issue completely.

Post # 16
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Oh my, that truly sucks. they are pulling a fast one. I don’t like this power play at ALL. So maybe i’m not the best person to chime in, cause I’m not one of kumbaya types, so I say look into getting the insurance, tell them you paying for it and see how that plays out. This is defintely one of these moments when I say get Bridezillia on their asses. I hate it when family does this dumb shit. And a month out. come on.

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