(Closed) 4 Weeks out from wedding, Flower girl has dyed her hair blue….

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
254 posts
Helper bee

Hold your head high and ignore them like you would grade school bullies.  How pathetic do you have to be to pull these passive aggressive, mean tactics?  That’s right, they are pathetic for not just being a normal family and being happy and contributing to the happiness of the day.

i would still talk to your Fiance about all this.  Even just to keep him appraised of everything that is going on and so he knows your feelings.  Also, try not to be alone with them… try to always have him there so they have to do this in front of him.

Post # 3
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Well… blue hair isn’t a big deal. Especially for a small wedding. But I do think you’d be within your rights to tell her mom that she can’t be your Fg unless she dyes it back to a school appropriate color. And that it would really bum you out because you were looking forward to having her. 


Post # 4
525 posts
Busy bee

That poor little girl, if they are using her in their nasty little tactics. 

If no one reacts, they’ll feel mighty foolish. 

Post # 5
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

Shame on them for being petty and trying to sabotage your wedding for their amusement, and double shame on them for using a little girl to do it.

You did the right thing by not reacting. Next time you see the flower girl, gush about how pretty her hair is! And just keep ignoring those assholes.

Post # 6
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
morybee :  I’m sorry, this is completely ridiculous. If I were me, I would ask her to step down as flower girl, seems that they don’t want her to be involved anyway. 

Post # 7
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’d have probably made a comment like ‘wow awesome hair, my mum would have never let me dye my hair that colour when I was so young’ in a way that highlights this is a poor parenting choice without actually saying anything negative. Regardless of your wedding, I can’t imagine school are happy with that particular choice at 9 years old.

Don’t let them spoil your day. They want a reaction, so don’t give them one, or give the opposite reaction to what they want. 

Post # 8
1197 posts
Bumble bee

Dying your hair is not a big deal. It’s something people-even children- get to decide to do as part of having co took over their own body. You sound like you have a lot of expectations about how others should let you make choices for them about how they present to the world.

Post # 9
3647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Good on you for not reacting. They sound like nightmares to deal with and I’d limit my contact with them. If something needs to be dropped off, let your Fiance do it. Phone call to them needs to be made? Let him make it. I wouldn’t kick the flowergirl out because she’s being manipulated by two adults who should be better than that but clearly aren’t. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were the ones who suggested she dye her hair and the kid didn’t come up with the idea at all.

Post wedding, I’d be cutting contact. Set hard boundaries now because they will walk all over you guys otherwise. 

Post # 11
294 posts
Helper bee

Asking your 9 year old niece to step down as flower girl will only punish your niece.

The ILs are cravin a reaction from you, and kicking a little girl out of your wedding would be that very reaction. Good on you for having a poker face. I agree with another PP about simply complimenting her hair the next time you see it, if only to solidify to this young child that her mother and grandmother’s manipulation tactics are childish and not working, as well as to bolster her confidence. Additionally, I agree with PPs on having your husband do the communication and coordination with them from now on.

Post # 12
3527 posts
Sugar bee

OP, they sound like a couple mean girl bullies who are so immature they will stop low enough to use their child/grandchild against you. The best thing you can do is ignore them, compliment your nieces hair and hold your head high. 

Post # 13
7222 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

They sound like assholes. Now that the flower girl dress is worked out, (and since they aren’t in the wedding) they should have no need to contact you for anything between now and the wedding. Let your Fiance deal with them.

I would spend the next month doing ALL the self care so I was looking and feeling so glorious and radiant on my wedding day that they would spontaneously combust at the sight of me walking down the aisle.

Post # 14
479 posts
Helper bee

First of all, that color probably won’t last 4 weeks. Unless they do it again she’ll probably just have a tint that won’t be very noticeable. I can also tell you that color correction is the easiest thing to do with photos. Your photographer can make her hair go from blue to normal in no time so don’t worry about that. 

But your problem isn’t that poor girl’s hair color, it’s your relationship with your in-laws. You are within your right to speak up. Not to change the hair color, but to put an end to their bs. Make it clear that this is the first and last time you’ll ever tolerate this type of situation. With the wedding, or anything else. From now on if they disrespect you there will be consequences. Bee, make yourself respected now otherwise these things will keep happening and might get ridiculously worse.

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