Post # 47
- Wedding: July 2019 - Virginia
That’s right! Can you believe that?
I edited my previous post to call out the bees I was addressing and it looks like it disappeared?
Here the gist of it:
@londonchick It is concerning behavior. But I’m following my fiancé, Future Brother-In-Law, and my fiancés extended family’s lead. Which means hardly any contact and never taking the bait with them. They’ve been dealing with these girls longer then I have.
I do have an update on the situation (since FSILs put everything in their life on FB) apparently when the niece went back to her father’s house (who has majority custody of her) he freaked out at my Future Sister-In-Law when he saw her hair. I guess she never checked with the nieces father and main caretaker about it before she did it?
Also I know a lot of pps are asking, but I have no clue what type of dye was used. It’s a dark enough to cover up her naturally red hair.
@personaperson Yes, there is a comprehension issue and I can only repeat the same thing to you many times. You’ve made it clear you don’t believe me and you think it is normal to slam a door in a visitors face while they are saying hello. I’m not sure why you’ve decided that she would have changed right there in the family parlor/foyer when she has a bedroom. You are telling me if someone came to your home and brought you a shirt. You wouldn’t let them say hello, you would snatch the shirt out of their hands, slam the door in their face leaving them outside, and immediately change your clothes right there in your entryway? If so, I understand why you were confused, but I was raised with manners and that is not how any sane person would have handled receiving an article of clothing. But if I wanted to argue about this, I would have done so with my Future Sister-In-Law when it happened and like I said, I didn’t. londonchick :
Post # 47
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Bee you are doing the right thing. Kill them with kindness. Never let them see you sweat.
Post # 48
Well this thread took a weird turn. OP, you are doing everything you can to make sure the situation stays calm and drama free for you and your niece. I agree with other posters that she’s going to need you and her uncle in her life to counteract the idiocy of her other immediate family members. Manipulating a child to coerce a reaction and solely start drama is disgusting. I can only imagine what that poor baby is subjected to and what she has to listen to behind closed doors. Hats off to you for being the bigger person. I’m with you that the hair isn’t a big deal at all. So what, it’s blue. If she likes it that’s all that matters. I have a feeling it was not solely her idea though, even if she is happy with it, and that’s unfortunate. How hard would it be as a parent to say, “sure! It’s summer and you’re out of school. We can throw some temporary dye in it but let’s wait until after your uncles wedding, ok?” I mean, common sense here people. That combined with their behavior when the OP arrived with the dress, there’s no doubt it was all done to get a rise out of her. What a bunch of petty cowards.
And for the record, it’s also definitely not common where I live. My daughter wouldn’t be allowed at school with any type of hair dye. They’d call me to pick her up and she couldn’t come back until it was corrected. Some schools have a very strict dress code where it simply wouldn’t be tolerated. I’ve let her dye her ends with Kool Aid during breaks but I’d never allow something permanent. She’s 12 if that matters. If she wants to do it when she’s older and out of school, that’s her choice, but not while she’s got school rules to adhere to.
Post # 49
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
personaperson : please move on and stop derailing this thread
Post # 50
personaperson : You are really grasping at straws and it’s reaching a point of being straight up pathetic. You genuinely sound unhinged here the way you keep doubling down and twisting what the OP says to fit your bizarre narrative that she’s angry about the blue hair/trying to stifle the child’s self expression. As for the insinuation that she creepily wanted to watch the child change clothes…YOU’RE the one who sounds like a creep for even going there becaues there is NOTHING in the text that warrants such a fucked up reading of it and yet you’re not letting it go. At some point you need to realize that if literally every single other person who reads something has the complete opposite interpretation than you, there might be something to that. Truly, you need to take it down a notch (or 50).
Post # 51
OP, you handled that situation well.
I can’t say colored hair on kids is common where I live in the Bay Area either. I’ve seen it occasionally, but I have reservations about it. For one, I take care to use safe ingredients on my kids’ skin and hair. Going from red to blue hair makes me suspect that there was some permanent dye involved. Definite no no, not on a kids sensitive skin.
And next, on self expression: I’d much prefer if my young kids didn’t feel the need to express themselves by modifying their appearance in semi permanent ways that involve hair color. And of course they may express a desire for it, but as their parent, I’d try to dissuade them from focusing so much on their appearance. In this case it doesn’t even seem like it was the kid’s idea…
Post # 52
- Wedding: July 2019 - Virginia
Just to be clear I’m not insinuating that the whole reason why they dyed her hair was to get a rise out of me. I’m meant they way the acted the day I brought the dress over was to get a rise out of me. I’m not sure whose idea the blue hair was, but I certainly hope it’s what the niece wanted.
i don’t have kids, so i never had a strong opinion about children and hair dye. It’s really not something that ever crossed my mind until this. I think I’ve discussed children’s hair dye on this thread more than I’ve probably ever have in my life lol. Although when I was in middle school and high school I did use a lot of sun-in and it damaged my hair a lot – kind wish my mom would have taken my sun in bottle away lol.
But I do strongly believe you shouldn’t alter a child’s appearance without permission from the child’s father/primary guardian. They clearly dropped the ball there.
Post # 53
I’m in the Carolinas. A lot of kids here have colored hair in the bright colors, both girls and boys. My sons kept asking me to have it done – they’re 9 and 12. I refused to do it, but their dad let them on one of his weekends. Whatever – not the hill I was going to die on. Lots of their peers have day-glo dyed hair and their hair will eventually grow out.
Post # 54
missviolet92 : They’re very strict here with what you can wear with uniforms. We weren’t even allowed nail polish at school!
Unless it’s a private school, a 9-year old wouldn’t be wearing a uniform. Besides, school’s out for the summer, and children are free to have their hair dyed whatever colour they like.
Post # 55
They sound like mean bullies! I understand why your fiancé wanted to elope. Luckily he can see them for who they are, so you two are a team ❤️
Regarding the blue hair:
My best friend called me horrified the night before her wedding. Her brother and niece had just arrived and on the long trainride to get there, her dear brother had fallen asleeep. Her 11 year old niece (her flowergirl) had started watching youtube videos about how to get lips like Kim Kardashian and had somehow sucked her lips into a glass bottle leaving her with big suction-marks (I don’t know the englidh word, sorry).
I had to try to cover it with makeup for the wedding and it still was visible on the pictures. But now 3 years after, we all laugh and joke about it. And tease her niece.
I understand that this is different with his family being mean, but the “blue hair” part of it can possibly end up a fun story.
Post # 56
To be fair, OP, you DID title the post “flower girl has dyed her hair blue” and not “SIL and Mother-In-Law are being petty brats.” It’s not entirely unreasonable that people would think you were upset about the blue hair (in addition to other things).
Post # 57
DeniseSecunda : A lot of in-laws are petty but they don’t go to these lengths. OP phrased the title that way because it draws a bit more attention and it gets straight to the point.
Post # 58
hampsterdance : Of course a 9 year old in a public school could have uniforms. My daughters current school and the one we’re moving to have uniforms, and they’re both public. Even when my daughter attended a public school in a different state without uniforms, there was absolutely a dress/appearance code outlined in the handbook. It clearly stated “no unnatural hair colors.” If I sent her with blue hair I’d be called to pick her up and she wouldn’t be allowed to return until it was changed. Her current school doesn’t even allow jewelry of any kind, except plain small hoops and only one per ear. Belts have to be black or brown without any embellishments, socks can only be plain white, and no logos of any kind on anything besides shoes. Public schools can be just as strict as private!
I agree that during the summer, who cares. As long as its back to dress code before school starts back up.
Post # 59
morybee : I suspect the bee that is going off on a tangent at you is –
1. Your Future Sister-In-Law
2. Dyes her child’s hair
3. is Marge Simpson and got triggered by the blue hair!! 😂
OP, you handled yourself well in this situation. Ignore them and enjoy your wedding day and the lead up to it. Don’t let them see you upset or annoyed. They will take that as a victory. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
I also think 9 is much too young to be permanently dying a child’s hair. I’m a fuddy duddy though. I think kids should be kids and not worried about how they look externally to the world. Kids should just ‘be’ and if they want to express themselves they can do it in much more creative ways than something superficial like appearance. I’m also for the same reason, against nail polish and make up on children too. 🤷♀️
Post # 60
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
hampsterdance : Every public school from where I live has uniforms and that is kindergarten until they graduate.