(Closed) 4 year old Nephew is out of hand

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

The kid needs to be institutionalized. While they’re at it, they should revoke the parent cards from the people who enabled him and made him this way. It sounds to me like “girl” is not safe in that house. No 4 year old should be asking his father to kill his sister. He needs professional help.

Post # 4
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you have something like CPS (child protective services) there?  I don’t suggest that for just any situation, but that little girl is in an extremely unsafe situation and is going to need serious therapy, along with a safer environment to grow up in.  In the US, child protective services sends people into the home to evaluate the living situation, the parents, and will possibly remove one or both children from the home if it is unsafe.

Post # 6
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I think you’re right.  I think he needs professional help.

The parents and grandparents catering to the child might cause some bratty behavior, but the violence and domineering behavior is probably something much deeper.

That poor little girl.  When they dump the boy with you, do they just rest or do they nurture the little girl?  If they are just getting rid of him to rest themselves, perhaps you can take the little girl sometimes and try to give her a little attention?

The whole situation is heart breaking to read about…I can’t believe actually being present for this stuff.


Post # 9
2889 posts
Sugar bee

What about the angle of girl’s safety and mental health? I would assume the parents/grandparents love her as well and only want the best for her. Although I have a feling Greek culture favors males but this could be based on one family I know and not accurate. Could focusing on her lack of speech and the poor interaction of the siblings take the stress off “boy is a problem” and put it onto we want both children to be happy and are worried boy and girl are not interacting properly and girl is suffering from it. I think getting both children help from a medical professional is necessary and this way it does not come across as one is problematic but more of an issue with helping them be friendly toward each other. Also, you mention he is fine at school but does not play well with other children. Have his parents asked the teachers about his behavior? It may be possible that he is problematic but just in isolated incedents so the teachers do not think it is merits alerting the parents but his home behavior sounds problematic enough. It also sounds like he has learned to manipulate adults quite well which may help him to slip through the system.

Post # 11
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

BOY QUOTE –  “Dad we could chop Girl’s head off and throw her in the skip – no one will know”. Another time he suggested to Father-In-Law to throw the Girl in the fire and put the safety gate so she can’t get back out and then we can be happy

These are actually a 4 YEAR OLD suggestions?

I would get that girl out of the house!

And call the cops, this boy is not a “4 year old” anymore… He is a danger to society and must be in a doctor’s care to help him out of this.

Post # 12
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, it’s sounds to me like the real therapy that needs to take place here lies in the hands of the adults that surround him. Since he can go to school and act like a normal human, and you and your Darling Husband can take him and he’ll eventually calm down and act like a normal human, he obviously wants and needs people around him that give him boundaries. He is quite obviously not happy and not having his real needs met. I’m betting his violent behavior towards his sister has more to do with this imbalance in his life than anything else.

He needs some therapy, as well to adjust to changes that need to be made, but those adults who he spends the majority of his time with need a serious wake up call! They need help or they will continue to screw up this kid’s life. I feel bad for him, personally. He really just needs a stable atmosphere and I’d bet he’d thrive. 

Post # 13
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry, but those symptoms are NOT adhd. Those are much more likely to be ODD, or seem as they are going to lead to a personality disorder. That is NOT normal behavior for a 4 year-old. They need to get him to a doctor, and fast, before he hurts that little girl or himself.


ETA – I’d also advocate for family therapy. As a family therapist, only changing him will not help. I am certain he needs intensive help but it is much more effective to get the entire family in.

Post # 14
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My first thought was sociopath. He needs a psych evaluation. That is terrible coming from a 4 yo. This goes beyond adhd.

Post # 16
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@Cariad:  Kids only get away with what they are allowed to get away with. This is a very sad situation for the child. When you do not give your child structure and discipline from very early on and create a monster (so to speak) it becomes harder and harder to undo the damage. My son has had a very structured life from day one and he is rather spoiled too. But he listens, is respectful, knows not to hurt others, cleans up after himself, takes care of all of his things himself, knows that he doesnt do anything other than homework when he gets home, knows his bed time, knows when to get himself in the bath, the list goes on and on. This is only because this started when he was a baby. I do not hit my son (aside from the occasional bump on the butt) and its all been done with strict forms of punishment that send the right message but do not harm him in any real way. So what the point of all of this is is that while this little boy is the one doing the actions, he is a product of his environment. that is proven byt he fact that when with you guys he is capable of calming down and acts normal in school. he seems to already know that with certain people certain things are acceptable and with others they are not. This can lead to some serious problems for him down the road. Therapy has been mentioned a few times, I would say therapy for him would be a good idea to maybe understand more what goes through his head and why he feels the way he does towards his sister. But also therapy for the parents would not be a bad idea. why is it they feel its ok to treat their children so differently and allow this little boy to have so much power over them? they have let him take on the lead role in their household and that needs to be changed. The entire environment needs to be changed in order for things to really stick. This includes them.

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