4 years no proposal

posted 4 months ago in Engagement
  • poll: Am I just being impatient?
    Yes you need to slow down : (26 votes)
    84 %
    No I understand your feelings : (3 votes)
    10 %
    Idk wtf he’s going : (2 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 2
    1707 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My highschool boyfriend used to refer to me as his wife too, that means nothing. I changed a lot from 20/21 to the age I got married. You will mature and turn into different people but the question is will you mature into people that still love/want to be in a marriage?

    Do you guys live together? Have you? There are so many factors that you haven’t mentioned.

    Post # 3
    6501 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I wouldn’t, either, at age 21 or 22. If you are a great couple, you still will be when you are 25 or 26. People change dramatically at the ages you’re at, so don’t be so quick to dive in with both feet.

    Post # 5
    1210 posts
    Bumble bee

    Tell him to stop calling u his “wife.” You are not his wife by his choice currently. That shit really irritates me on the boards when guys try to call their woman “wife” or “fiancé” as if that’s supposed to pacify you while they’re not ready to take on the responsibility of what those titles entail. Rant over.

    4.5 years is a long time, but you two are very young.

    If he gave you a timeline of January 2020 and you’re okay with that, then it’s all good. 

    But maybe do some soul-searching to be sure you want to marry HIM. You both will change so much in the coming years, so in your case waiting a bit might not be a bad thing. 

    Post # 7
    6771 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    A good rule of thumb is to not count the years before you were actually an adult. Enjoy this time growing and learning together–people really do change SO MUCH between 20 and 25. What’s the rush? 

    And tell him to stop calling you his wife. You’re not. There is nothing wrong with being a girlfriend at 21 and being able to celebrate the transition to wife when it actually happens, hopefully at least a few years down the road. 

    Post # 8
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    kmcgill22 :  Actually introducing you as his wife to people just screams “I’m an immature 22 year old boy”. 

    Tell him to stop calling you that.

    Pump the brakes a little bit, 4 years is a long time to be together but considering you’re so young I would 100% wait.

    I realize that some couples get married at this age and stay together forever but I think more often than though it ends badly.

    Give yourselves some time to grow up, make sure you still value the same things and have the same long term goals, then start thinking about marriage.

    Post # 9
    1210 posts
    Bumble bee

    kmcgill22 :  yes I understand that you find it confusing when he does that and it’s especially not okay that he introduces you to people that way. Take your power back and call him out on it:

    ”SO, I am not your wife. It is inappropriate for you to call me that, especially in front of other people. It is misleading and disrespectful to me and I will not tolerate that. Do not call me your wife until that actually happens. If you want to call me “wife” so badly, maybe you should do something about it.” 

    Post # 10
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    My now husband and I had a similar timeline. We started dating toward the end of our senior year in high school, attended different but nearby colleges, and he proposed when we were 21 the summer before our senior year of college after over 3 years together. We are celebrating our first anniversary in a couple of weeks! Are we young? Yes. Was it right for both of us? Yes.

    Neither of us ever had any doubts or confusions, we were both on the same page, we knew what we wanted and when we wanted it.

    Your boyfriend sounds very immature and unsure, not necessarily about you, but definitely about what he wants and when he wants it.

    Take a step back, make sure he’s really the one and keep clear communication about your wants and needs and how he fits into that. 

    GL bee! 

    Post # 11
    710 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I’m with you neverbeenstungbee :  I think it’s important to not play along with the fake wife comments either. If a guy who was just a boyfriend called me his wife I would interrupt him and say, you do realize that’s insulting and patronizing right? You want the privilege of calling me your wife than make it happen, don’t throw an empty title at me. 

    Its as bad as the other OP whose boyfriend told her she is “more than just a girlfriend”… umm no there isn’t such a thing as more than a girlfriend. There’s girlfriend, fiancé, and wife. There’s also no  pre-engaged. Guys are assholes sometimes. 

    Post # 13
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

     I would have been horribly embarrassed if my husband had introduced me to others as his wife before we were even engaged. I’d tell him to stop immediately! Other than that I think you should take a break from WeddingBee and enjoy being a girlfriend for a few more years at least. My husband and I started dating at 21/23 and got engaged at 27/29. Good luck x

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