4 years no ring

posted 7 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Why do you still want to marry someone who can’t keep his word about things that are important to you?

Love yourself more.

Edited to add:  Those comments aren’t meant as snark.  Is it okay to you that your partner is misleading you?  Is it okay that your partner is choosing not to marry you?  Do you feel valued appropriately?  Are you being treated with the same level of love and commitment you’re showing him?  I had to ask myself those questions in prior relationships where a man played similar games.  Eventually, I decided that it was perfectly fine that my partner was not ready for a commitment and that he wasn’t the husband I was searching for.

Post # 33
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

sadlyoutoflove :  Thanks! I find that men are really emotionally attached to the concept of them holding to their word, especially in the business world. They really care how people see them in that way. It is a good analogy to use with men to get them to really understand the concept of why them saying they would propose and not doing it would be seen as a betrayal. If a man would give his boss more respect than his girlfriend he needs to get his shit together lol. It is also a really logical way to explain why a woman would be upset with no proposal and men seem to really need to hear the logic of things not just the emotional side. It also gives their ego a kick in the ass haha. 

Post # 34
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Hi! Is it possible that he is waiting for the perfect moment? Or that he doesn’t realize what he is putting you through?

I’m asking because I was in a very similar situation to yours until yesterday – we’ve been together for more than 6 years, living together for 5, he sort of casually asked once years ago and we agreed we want it but also that it was not a ‘real’ proposal…. which was okay. But then about half a year ago he started bringing it up again and it made me crazy. And point is, I tried to keep qiet to not put pressure on him, but weeks and months passed and I felt like it’s driving me nuts. So I decided to talk to him and openly explain that this is making me very nervous and self-conscious, and asked if he is still sure about it? And also made sure to tell him he doesn’t have to worry about making the occasion super special because all that matters is that he is sincere. He said he didn’t realize it was taking such a toll on me, and offered to go out for dinner and a movie to make me feel better. And guess what, on the walk home he just proposed out of the blue, with a ring and all. So my point is, I think you should talk to your boyfriend, and calmly & gently explain to him that leaving you in limbo like this is hurtful, and maybe reassure him that you love him and he doesn’t need to worry about making it an absolute fairytale style event.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 35
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m sorry to say this, but from what you have written, it seems like he is just stringing you along with no concrete plan to marry you. He has already taken back a proposal and he has also broken his promise to you to propose in 2017. I would have a very honest conversation with him about why he broke his word to you about the proposal date.

Post # 36
Member
13 posts
Newbee

It’s possible he is just saving for your dream ring? Have you guys discussed price points? Has he started saving? He could also be waiting to be able to propose in the most romantic way!

Post # 38
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like he changed his mind about marrying you, so you might as well start separating your finances, pets, living quarters, etc. 

I’m disappointed he’d do something like that to you and also that you’d let it go on for two irreplaceable years. 

The good news is you still have the rest of your life to find the right guy for you. 

 

Post # 39
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

Waiting two years after having a proposal taken back from you is ridiculous. You say yourself that you didn’t need a ring to consider yourself engaged. If he really wanted to get you a ring anyway, he could have just done it as a nice “extra” to add to your engagement, there was literally no point in taking the proposal back just for a sake of a ring you didn’t care for. 

From what it sounds like, he just changed his mind and is now making baseless excuses to not marry you. To be honest, I would have left after he ended the engagement (which is what he did).

Post # 40
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

Honestly sounds like he is stringing you along.  if he really wanted to “do things right”, he would have saved for your ring and proposed.  You could be going like this for years and waste your time on man who doesn’t want to marry you.

Post # 42
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee

If you were given a promotion at work (which you’re of course very excited about) only to have it taken back the next day, but given a somewhat valid excuse and a promise that the promotion will take effect soon, then over the next two years, you continuously follow up about this promotion, to which you’re continuously told “yes it’s happening very soon, by the end of 2017”. Then that never happened then you get told yes the promotion is certainly still happening soon.

Meanwhile your other friends in their careers have been moving ahead and heading in directions they wanted to head while you’re stuck in your same old role. You WANT to progress, but things just haven’t happened at work. What would you do? Would you find another job or would you continue to stay under the promise that you’ll get that promotion soon?

My guess is most people would’ve left after the 2017 deadline was missed. 

 

Post # 43
Member
36 posts
Newbee

What about simply asking him “Hey, you said you wanted to ‘do it right’ with the ring and all. That was (x) months/years ago and it hasn’t happened. What’s up?” Did the bee do this already? Maybe I missed it. Speculating about the reason isn’t going to get you anywhere. Taking action to learn the reason isn’t romantic but a lot better than waiting if it’s really bugging you. What do you ladies think?

Post # 44
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Is being someone’s wife more important than being his partner? Are you more focused on having a wedding than marrying him specifically? If being married and having that title and celebration is important, I get it. To me, I dont understand women who are willing to leave their partners because theres no ring. If you cant stay with him without a ring, you really aren’t ready to be married. I promise there will be harder things than whether or not you’re legally married.

Post # 45
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee

ispeakingifs :  You sound ridiculous. The guy lies to, gaslights, embarrasses, and strings her along but you’re telling her she’s the problem? smh.

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