Oh bee. I am so sorry. I can see you love him a lot. I can also see that you have willingly allowed yourself to be lied to and stuck your head in the sand because it’s really painful to see this situation for what it is, and he continues to lead you on so you continue to hope that it will all work out in the end. I’m so sorry, but it won’t.
Please listen to the bees. You need to open yourself up to the fact that in order to heal and move on, you need to actually FACE what is happening. It will be painful. It will hurt like hell. But it’s the only way to be happy.
This man doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to marry you. I know you don’t want to believe that, but it’s true. You need to stop listening to what he is ‘telling’ you and instead watch his actions. Does he do anything for his child? I would not be surprised if you do the majority of the parenting. I would also not be surprised if part of the reason he is keeping you on the hook is so he won’t have to pay child support. He has it pretty nice right now – a loving woman who is available when he wants it, a child if he wants it, almost none of the responsibility. The ability to do his own thing, whatever it is, without you there to see. Another bee mentioned that you might be a second family…I couldn’t rule that out, but not knowing how much time he actually spends with you I think there is a possibility that you aren’t the only woman.
You could have left this man years ago. By now, you could have been over the pain, started dating again, met an incredible man, and you could have been part of a loving family and HAPPY. Instead you chose to stay with this man, and wasted years of your life on him. You can’t get those years back, but you can choose to not waste any more time.
In an ideal world, you would read these responses, realize what you have been giving up and avoiding all these years, and break up with him immediately. You would get court-ordered child support and visitation. You would cry, and complain to your friends, and box up all of his things. You would feel lonely and miserable. But then you might take up a hobby you are interested in – maybe learn French or take a cooking class. You might spend more time with your friends. You might go back to school. You might start dating again and you might meet someone great. 5 years from now you might be in a completely different place – married to a man who loves you and your son, regained confidence in yourself, etc. Your future is what you make of it.
But I worry that in 5 years your bf will have finally thrown you off in favor of someone else, or you will still be in this limbo, unhappy and still feeling alone. I hope not.