(Closed) 4.5 year relationship, mixed signals

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is hard.  My gut reaction is that if he thinks he needs space and is unsure about whether he wants to be with you, you should break things off.  You can’t completely give someone space when you are still in their life on weekends and once during the week.  It sounds like he has a lot of stuff he needs to figure out on his own.  My main concern with your story is not even that he isn’t sure that he wants to get married to you, but that he wanted to live apart after you had already lived together and were in a serious relationship.  I don’t know… I just don’t think that’s really normal for someone who wants to be with you long-term.

Post # 4
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would have never moved out.  It’s over.

You’re talking about getting married and he is talking about living alone. I don’t get why you are confused. I know I sound harsh, but this just seems silly.

Post # 5
3305 posts
Sugar bee

So wait- he moved out after you both lived together for a while? Ummmm… sorry but that is your answer right there- you are wasting your time. I have never heard of ANYONE moving out for the experience AFTER they have already lived with a serious girlfriend- if things aren’t moving forward, you are moving no where and he is wasting your time. Regardless of if the topic is marriage or not, you are wasting your time progressing this relationship to even get to that point. I second breaking things off with him. Let him figure out what he wants but you also need to figure out what you want as well because you seem wish washy on it as well.

If I were you, I would continue seeing him but leaving the door open to date others as well.

Post # 6
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry…I agree with the PP’s…you are being used and are no where near an engagement with this guy. The best thing would be to move on, IMO. Good Luck.

Post # 7
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Jackie84: I, sadly, have to agree with the other Bees. As I read your post, my stomach kept sinking….and sinking….and sinking. The first thing that jumped out at me was that you guys lived together and then he moved out. Um…what? Right there, that’s a BIG sign! That’s a big backwards step in a relationship. Now he’s saying he doesn’t know if/when you’ll be together and he wants to maybe just be friends? After 4 and a half years, this is a very unfortunate place for a relationship to be. I hate to say it, but I think it’s over 🙁

Post # 8
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think he wants to get married. I think he wants to live a single bachelor life and have a “date” every weekend. 

Seems like you want different things.


Post # 9
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry to say that I have to agree with the PPs. Your SO moved out, and that’s when it would have been over for me. He wanted the experience of living alone? No problem…you’ll also have the experience of being single while living alone. And if you want to see other people…go right ahead, but I won’t be waiting here for you when you find out the grass isn’t greener.

I think you should have broken this off a long time ago. It sounds as if he likes having a girlfriend around, but he doesn’t want to commit at all.

Post # 10
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You need to follow Mr. Bees Plan. Give him his freedom–let him go. If you don’t, you might end up like another recent poster who’s husband wanted to sleep around because he never had the freedom in his single days.

Post # 11
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Uh, what? If my Fiance had moved out while we were dating I would have told him to just keep walking. I can’t imagine any reasoning in the world that would have justified that to me. If he loved you enough to get married it would have been impossibly painful for him to have to move away from you after one year.

Post # 12
120 posts
Blushing bee

Unfortunately, I have to say that I agree with the other ladies as well. I live with my Boyfriend or Best Friend and him moving out, but us continuing the relationship would just never be an option. As I kept reading your post, I had to remind myself that you all have been together for 4.5 years because what you’re describing doesn’t seem like behavior that should be occuring. In my opinion, at this point in a relationship saying things such as, “I don’t want to promise you anything and it not happen”, mentioning being just friends, moving out, etc. is all a bit much. I get the distinct feeling that you’re just being led on.

Post # 14
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i’m so sorry hun but it just doesn’t sound like you’ll get an engagement from him. his uncertainty just shows that he’s not ready at all. it really seems that he wants his space but is too afraid to fully let go because you have been together a long time. i completely agree with @eleanorrigby 🙁

Post # 15
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’ve always figured if things got to where I’d move out (or he would) enough would seriously be wrong to where that’d pretty much be it.

I think your SO wants his space more than he wants to be in a relstionship.  This probably has little to do with you personally, than it does with him and his level of independence and maturity – he’s wanting to be Mr. Barchelor right now, and that can’t include a serious Girlfriend.  If you still want to see him now and then, that’s up to you, but I wouldn’t hang a lot of hope on him being ready for the level of committment you want for a long time.  Simply tell him that you’re not getting the committment you want from him, so you guess you should both see other people now and then, because he’s telling you by his actions that he’s not really that into the current relationship.  If things work out later, as they have for some ladies on here, great.  If not, you know where you both stand and you can maybe spend time learning about other people who might be closer to what you want in life. 

Post # 16
858 posts
Busy bee

the PP’s are right him asking you move out was your signal after 4.5 he should be more sure then he is. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is make a clean break and move on your only going to hurt yourself more if you stay

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